Larry pushed a small
white button on the control desk and the new drums
he’d just layed down a minute ago swelled up at him,
layed over the rest of one of the new songs, which was
almost done.
Almost…
Larry, his head throbbing, his back aching, his eyes
red-rimmed even though he hadn’t cried in hours now,
his talented hands automatically wanting to spring into
action at the sound of the still unfinished song, (which
they were likely to title ‘Staring At The Sun’,
as the line was repeated several times in the chorus Bono
finally mastered yesterday), had been in the studio since
one in the morning. It was now 8:15 in the morning, going
on 8:16, but Larry didn’t know that nor, in all
truth, care at this point. He hadn’t stopped to rest
once and he wasn’t planning to until he felt
he’d gotten everything he could out of him. The
whole time had felt like five very slow minutes to him,
despite what his stiff back, sore arms and heavy eyelids
told him. He had to keep playing. He had to
express these emotions, this anger and frustration and
sadness, somehow and drumming was the only way
he knew.
“Sounds wonderful, Larry,” a voice behind him
said.
Larry spun around with surprise to see Adam standing
there, a tired look still on his face and a glass of
orange juice in his hand.
“Adam!”
Adam nodded, drinking the rest of the juice in one swig,
“Very, very nice! You’re here a bit
early…and from the sounds of your work, you’ve
been here a while.”
Larry nodded back, a bewildered look on his face at the
sunlight from the windows filtering into the room,
“Er…yeah, I guess I have.”
“When’d you get in?”
“Around one.”
“In the morning? Bloody hell, Larry!
You’ve been in here over seven hours!” Adam
frowned.
“Oh…” Larry shrugged and trailed off,
turning back to the control board.
Adam scowled, “Why the sudden burst of creativity?
Huh?”
Larry looked over at him and shrugged once more, “I
don’t know.”
Adam paused, getting a good look at Larry. His hair was
ruffled, unkempt, his clothes wrinkled, his eyes
bloodshot from what might have been lack of sleep but was
more likely to be crying, and a look of what Adam could
only assume was hurt and vulnerability was across his
face. There was definitely something wrong, and it
wasn’t sleep deprivation or a sudden burst of
painful inspiration.
“…Come, here,” Adam motioned for Larry to
sit down on the couch as he settled himself on it.
Larry looked at the control board, ‘Staring At The
Sun’ still soaring through the room, and Adam
snapped his fingers as he placed his empty juice glass on
the floor.
“C’mon, leave it be, you can fix it in a
minute.”
Larry obeyed without a word, sitting down next to Adam
and leaning back. Adam looked at him a moment before
deciding to say anything.
“…What’s wrong?”
“Adam, DON’T,” Larry interrupted
immediately.
Adam froze a second, daunted by Larry’s sudden and
sharp reaction, “…You had another fight with
Ann, didn’t you?”
“I said DON’T,” Larry snapped, refusing to
meet Adam’s stare.
“Larry, I’m your best friend, please don’t
shut me out,” Adam said softly.
Larry glanced at him, his eyes slightly watery,
“I…I don’t know what’s happening to
me. I feel like…like I’m losing the grip on my
life. It’s slipping out of my fingers and I
can’t stop it…”
“You can’t go on living like this, Larry,”
Adam replied quietly.
“I can…I’ll just…I’ll play and
get everything out of me that way-”
“And what are you gonna do when that isn’t
enough anymore?” Adam broke off, “Larry, look
at me.”
Larry dragged his stare to Adam’s and Adam looked
into those sad, blue eyes, hoping to get something
through to the person behind them.
“What are you gonna do then? Start drinking
your troubles away? Larry, I’ve been where you are.
Nothing can come of this but hurt until you stop letting
the other person involved, be it Ann or the band or
someone else, whoever’s fucking your life up, drag
you about and do what’s right for you.”
Larry frowned, “…Is that what…? In Sydney?
Was that Naomi?”
“Among many things, and I let it happen. It
wasn’t all Naomi’s fault, you know. I was too
weak and too scared of myself to stop what happened. I
kept running away to other things: first the music, then
when that wasn’t enough, the alcohol,” Adam
said, “Is that what you want?”
“No.”
“Good, coz I can’t let you follow my path. You
helped me out back then, helped me get sober and picked
up a lot of slack in the band when I couldn’t. Now
it’s my time to return the favor. Get out of here,
this dark place you’ve settled yourself into, get
out of there and do what’s right for you before
it’s too late. You don’t want to learn the hard
way like I did,” Adam said sternly.
“I’m scared of what will happen,” Larry
said in a low voice.
Adam placed a comforting hand on Larry’s knee,
“I know you are, but I’m here for you. We all
are, all three of us.”
Their eyes connected again and this time neither could
pull away. Adam’s hand sat idle, unmoving on
Larry’s now shaking knee. Adam’s mind screamed
for him to move the hand off, but his body would not
obey. Larry’s mind shouted for him to move
Adam’s hand himself, but Larry’s body too, was
disobedient. They sat there for what felt like hours, but
was no more than a minute, their eyes locked and
Adam’s hand firmly glued against his will to
Larry’s leg.
Then it happened. Suddenly, like a crack of thunder right
before the chaotic downpour of a summer storm. A kiss,
hard and short, shocking and wonderful, passionate and
fervent, all at the same time. They had both leaned in at
the same time, their lips crushing to together then
pulling apart just as quickly, the taste of each other
still in their mouths, and it was over. Larry leaned
back, his crystal blue eyes wide and unbelieving.
Adam’s hand finally recoiled from Larry’s knee,
his face portraying pure shock. The tense passion of that
one kiss exploding within them both, the thought was
clear in both their minds, which Adam finally found the
courage to voice:
“…What was that?”
“I don’t…I have no idea,” Larry
muttered breathlessly.
Adam slid his glasses off and rubbed his nose, confusion
strong in his eyes. What a feeling, Adam
thought, what a bloody…
“That was…” Larry shook his head,
words failing him.
FEELING…I never would have believed something
could feel like that…
“It was what?” Adam finally asked,
dropping his glasses on the floor and too dazed to pick
them back up.
“That was…” Larry looked at Adam, smiling
for the first time in days, “Incredible.”
“It was pretty…interesting,” Adam mumbled.
“No, not interesting,” Larry said, surprising
himself, “It was nice…raw, but nice.”
Larry trailed off once more as they both leaned into
another kiss, this more gentle than the last, and more
expected as well, their lips brushing tenderly instead of
bashing into each other in odd union like before. Adam
closed his eyes, pulling Larry in closer by a hand to the
back of Larry’s neck. Adam’s mind raced
wildly…
Holy shit, what am I DOING…?
As he slid an arm around Larry’s waist, shocked
by his own actions, simply following his body’s
orders and seeing them out. Instinct…
What are we DOING? What’s gonna happen tomorrow
when this is yesterday’s events?
Larry pulled away, a shy smile playing on his face.
Adam swallowed hard and took a deep breath, unable to
speak for a moment, simply too overwhelmed.
“Adam…my life right now…I think…I
think I’ve done a lot of staring at the sun lately,
you know? Trying to go blind to it all…everything
I’ve been going through and…and feeling,”
Larry said softly, a twinge of scared recognition in his
voice.
Adam nodded very slowly, “Yeah, I suppose you
have…”
“I know now that I have.”
“But you know what I’m starting to think?”
“No, what?”
“You’re not the only one.”
*~*~*~*
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