"What's
today?" The Edge queried as he tossed cards stolen
from a Las Vegas gaming table into Bono's hat.
Adam leaned over and tore off the previous day's calendar
sheet. "Uh, Friday. Friday the 31st."
Larry stopped trying to juggle his drumsticks and gave
the bassist an odd look. "Isn't this June?"
Adam shrugged. "Is it?"
Bono scrutinized the calendar sheet. "Yeah, it's
June. June 31st. What's so weird about that?"
Adam went back to blowing bass clef-shaped smoke rings in
the air. Edge continued flinging cards, ignoring the fact
that Bono's hat was already overflowing with them. Bono
turned back to the television to watch Who Wants To Catch
A Glimpse Of A Quadrillionaire And Marry A Monkey With A
Lifelong Supply of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup?...
"'Question: Who made the first American flag?
A. Betsy Ross
B. Al Gore, because he invented EVERYTHING
C. Betty Crocker
D. Rupaul.'"
"C! C! Er, wait, maybe it's D...uh, can I get a
lifeline?"
The host tossed the card away with a cheerful smirk.
"Nope, but you can get a life!!" Then he
flicked a switch and the pathetic contestant fell
screaming into a pit full of vicious Martha Stewart
clones. The remaining two contestants looked alarmed.
"Well, I'm sick of this," Edge said, tossing
his last card nonchalantly into the pile, which caused
the floor of the tourbus to collapse, sending cards
flying across the freeway. Leaning over, Edge swooped for
Bono's hat and caught it. He reached inside and pulled
out a green rabbit as he continued. "Let's watch
something else!"
"No!" Bono yelled.
Adam shrugged as he watched Lemondrops fall outside the
window. Suddenly he pulled out a revolver and fired a
Bullet into The Blue Sky. Then he and Bono and Edge all
turned and glanced at Larry, who had not said anything
for awhile. Larry's face was pale white and he looked
positively terrified.
"What's wrong, Larry?" Bono asked.
"It's..it's...June...thirty-first..." the
drummer mumbled.
"Yeah..? Your point??" Adam replied
impatiently, slipping the revolver back into the folds of
his pleated skirt. "You have an unhealthy obsession
with that number."
Suddenly the tourbus hit a bump and everyone jolted. A
closet door smacked open and out came a girl with long
black hair, wearing a beaded skirt and tons of red and
yellow scarves with a vivid red blouse. She began
performing a belly dance around Bono, who started to
sing:
"It's alright, it's alright, alright
She moves in mysterious ways!!"
Larry stared at all this incredulously. He looked back at
Adam, who had turned into a giant spoon wearing a sarong.
In alarm, the drummer's head snapped towards Bono, who
began to sing opera:
"O soooole miiiioooo
Che bellllllaaa coooosaaa
Doppo naaa tempesssstaaa..."
Feeling very faint, Larry then turned to The Edge, who
grinned and removed his stocking cap...
That was too much.
"AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!"
THUD.
**************************
"Larry!"
"Larry?? Are you alright?"
"Wake up!!"
The drummer cautiously opened one lovely blue eye, then
the other. His three bandmates were standing over him,
staring at him worriedly.
"Wha-what just happened?" Everyone's favourite
prettyboy climbed unsteadily to his feet with help from
Adam who, much to Larry's relief, was NOT in fact wearing
a sarong, but jeans.
"You fell asleep. Then you screamed. Then you fell
off the couch. Then you woke up," Bono nodded.
Larry plopped back down on the couch. "I had a
dream. It was horrible," he said. Then he cast a
wary look at the closet. Springing up, Larry yanked open
the door before Bono and Edge could stop him. The small
drummer was swallowed up in an avalanche of guitar picks
and sunglasses. Edge and Bono exchanged a look and went
to unbury Larry.
"Er, sorry 'bout that, Larry...but what were you
looking in the closet for?" Edge said, plucking some
yellow-tinted shades from Larry's head.
"Bellydancers," he responded, spitting out a
pick. The drummer then stopped in front of Bono.
"You don't, and you've never sung opera, have you,
Bono?"
The platform-footed singer was taken aback.
"Whaaaat?!"
"Never mind," Larry replied, turning to Edge.
"Um, Edge...d'ya think you could, uh...take off yer
hat for a sec?"
The guitarist looked scared and clapped both hands over
his chapeau protectively. "Noooo!!!!!"
"Why not?" Adam queried, his curiousity piqued.
"Because..." Edge trailed off and backed away
as his three friends walked towards him. He backed into a
corner and cowered helplessly.
"C'mon, Edge, lessee what's under that hat!!"
Adam grinned. Edge swallowed.
Then the threesome jumped the unfortunate guitarist.
A struggle ensued and Bono waved the hat triumphantly.
The three looked round.
"Where's Edge?"
"Down here!!" A tinny voice shrieked. The three
looked down and saw a 6-inch-tall version of the Edge.
Bono burst out laughing.
"Look! For once, Edge is shorter than me!!!"
The Edge looked justifiably miffed. "Just shut up,
Bono, and drop the hat."
Adam and Larry just gawked at the tiny guitarist.
"Wow," Adam said. "I didn't know the hat
was THAT important..."
"Imagine...all this time, we never knew..."
Larry shook his head sadly.
Bono, doubled over in raucous laughter, dropped the hat
and The 6-Inch-Tall Edge scrambled beneath it. In a
flash, he was back to his regular height. He smacked the
hysterical platformed singer, who shrieked and fell over.
He rubbed his face ruefully, his lower lip trembling.
"Wha-what was that for?"
"To shut you up!" Edge retorted, yanking his
hat firmly over his head.
"Edge..." Adam started thoughtfully.
"Yes?"
"...how come you're really only 6 inches tall?"
"Long story. Want me to tell it?"
"No, because THIS story's over," Larry replied.
He closed the book and placed it in the bookshelf, and
the four skipped off, arm-in-arm, down the Yellow Brick
Road, singing:
"We're off to do a concert
A wonderful concert of ours!!!"
(: The End :)
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