Promenade

 

 

Larry stretched out on the couch in front of the TV, sighing deeply. Relaxation wasn't something one got much on a U2 tour and Larry planned to take full advantage of it. How wonderful it felt to just sit in his room and do NOTHING...

                A knock came at Larry's door and he groaned unhappily. Who could that possibly be? Everyone was out partying except him and Bono, and Bono was enjoying Ali's last night on tour with the band before she went back to Ireland.

"What are you doing here?" Larry asked surprised as he opened the door to see Bono standing there. Larry looked more closely and saw that Bono's eyes were bloodshot, "Bono, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Me and Ali had a row...can I stay here for a bit?" Bono asked with a cracked voice.

"Sure, sure..." Larry nodded, leading Bono into the room and shutting the door behind him.

                They sat down on the couch and watched TV in silence for at least five minutes, Bono sniffling every once and a while. Finally, Larry's curiosity got the better of him.

"...So what did you fight about?"

"The usual," Bono said softly, "You know...the kids, the tour, U2, being away...I know she tries to understand, but it always feels like she's giving me a guilt trip."

"Well, I mean, she did know before she married you that you wanted to be a rock star," Larry pointed out.

"Well, not a ROCK STAR..." Bono smiled briefly at Larry, but the smile dissipated as quickly as it had come, "She had about as much clue as we did about what U2 would become."

"Yeah, but she's been putting up with U2 for ages now...you must have done something else to tick her off," Larry reasoned.

Bono laughed weakly, "Yeah, I've always done something wrong..."

"The way with women," Larry said knowingly.

"Yeah..." Bono shrugged, "I need to let her cool off though, I think...mind if I stay here a bit?" Bono grinned as he stretched out on the couch, propping his legs up in Larry's lap.

Larry smirked, pushing Bono's legs off him, "Not if you're gonna cramp my style."

"That's not the only thing I'll cramp," Bono threatened jokingly. They used to always tease each other like this when they were teenagers...hadn't in a while though.

"Oh, yeah? I'm not scared of you," Larry retorted.

"No?" Bono paused then sat up suddenly, pulling Larry into a headlock.

"BONO! Oh, God...lemme go! You WANKER! BON-OOO!" Larry swore as he laughed and struggled to get free.

"Not until you say Bono is King of the Universe!" Bono insisted as he wiggled to keep Larry tightly grasped.

"Forget it!" Larry shouted, grabbing Bono's feet and pulling them up, spilling Bono on the floor.

"OW, Lardence! That HURT!"

"You shouldn't resort to physical violence, Bono," Larry tsk-tsked, leaning toward Bono with a smug smile, "I wrestle Aaron all the time! He's stronger than you and he's SEVEN."

"Oh, yeah?" Bono grunted, snatching Larry's shirt collar and yanking him down to the floor as well, and unfortunately right on top of him.

"BONO!" Larry laughed loudly, "How OLD are you? Lemme up!"

"Ooooo, looky!" Bono grinned, tugging at Larry's hair, "Your blond roots are growing back in…better get that fixed!"

"Ow, Bono, STOP!" Larry whined uncharacteristically.

"What's the matter, Larry? Does this-" Bono pulled at a piece of Larry's hair again "-Bother you?"

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Larry shouted, slamming Bono down by his hands.

                Bono froze, all the laughter and fun gone, his eyes locked with Larry's. Larry hadn't gotten pissed in a while, but Bono sure knew what buttons to push. Those eyes...

                Bono leaned upward and kissed Larry gently. Larry pulled away and sat up, shock on his face.

"What'd you do THAT for?"

"I...I don't know...I just...DID..." Bono stuttered.

"Yeah, I got that much...I think you need to go back to Ali now," Larry said quietly.

Bono looked down at his watch without really reading it and stood up quickly, sprinting for the door, "Yeah, I should get back..."

 

___

 

                Bono looked up from his magazine and immediately wished he hadn't as he saw Larry walk into the backstage area. Larry walked over to the water cooler and picked up his water bottle from next to it.

                Bono went back to his magazine, trying to pretend Larry wasn't there. However, this proved difficult when Larry sat down next to him. Bono was surprised. He had expected Larry to avoid him for - say - the next ten years?

                Bono had been so confused by his actions. Once again he had done something based solely on emotion and instinct. Of course, he'd never done something so severe like this before. He had gone back to Ali that night bewildered and more than a little turned on by what had happened, though at the same time mortified that he had just done something that could totally freeze a twenty-four year friendship. He hadn't even been able to kiss Ali properly after the incident with Larry, nevertheless make love. He just kept thinking of Larry and that wasn't right. And of course, Ali had thought it was just her and had gone home more than a little upset. Bono knew he should be miserable, and he supposed he really was, but something that kiss had sparked...well, he didn't know about Larry, of course, but it had felt good to him.

                Which, now that he thought about it, wasn't a good thought either. He'd always found himself to be very hetro and he was married. What on EARTH had he been thinking? And why was he STILL thinking in that mode? His first thought when Larry had walked in was "God, that shirt looks hot on him". What had changed so suddenly? Or more importantly, what had he been ignoring all these years? Bono remembered a time when he and Larry used to share a room when the band first toured America...how Larry would sleep shirtless and then kick the blanket off in the middle of the night and Bono would just look at him as the light from a window would fall on his body...even then...God, how long had he felt like this toward Larry and how had he ignored it all this time?

                So Larry wasn't going to ignore him...probably much worse and the opposite, in very Larry fashion. Take it on head on and not be afraid to say "Bono, if you touch me again, I'm knocking you in the nuts". That wasn't what Bono wanted or needed to hear, especially not now. But in the end, at least they would be able to talk...maybe get back to what they had before all this...even if Bono secretly did want more of what had happened. No, Larry wasn't about to ignore him...but he was, however, going to read over his shoulder.

"Stop that," Bono muttered and Larry leaned back silently.

"...So you ready to go out there?" he finally asked.

Bono shrugged, afraid to look away from his magazine, "I'll be good...I have...I have a lot in me tonight."

"Good thing..." Larry nodded slowly, "...I'm gonna go watch P.J.'s sound check..."

"Okay," Bono said, still refusing to tear his eyes away from the magazine.

                Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder and Bono forced himself to look up into those intense blue eyes. Larry pursed his lips and sighed, not moving his hand.

"I just...I just want you to know I'm not mad about last night or anything...it...it wasn't that bad."

                And Larry walked away quickly without a look backwards. Bono sat stiff for a moment. That was none of the reactions Bono had expected. He was thinking either Larry would be horrified or avoid Bono and pretend it never happened...not only had he acknowledged the incident he...LIKED it? Bono now had even more questions than he'd had before and very few answers to any of them and was probably in a lot deeper shit than he'd thought.

And yet, he couldn't help the little smile that wormed its way to his face.

 

___

 

                The concert was filled with what could only be described as raw passion and sexual tension. Bono was even more active on the stage than usual, moving around and avoiding Edge's usual joking prods and looks. His eyes kept drifting back to Larry, who also couldn't seem to keep from looking back at Bono. Adam knew there was something amiss because he couldn't keep eye contact with Larry for the life of him and had to struggle at certain times to catch up with Larry when he went too fast. Edge figured something was wrong when he had to give Bono a stern look to do the teasing bit with him during the ending of 'Until The End Of The World'. Bono sang the "slow down my beating heart" part from 'In A Little While' less with playful tenderness and more with a passionate pleading. When the song finished Edge and Bono moved back to the center stage and Edge and Adam exchanged a solemn look, deducing what had happened only a few rare times on tour. Bono and Larry had had a BIG fight.

 

___

 

                Bono smiled weakly at a crewmember as they passed by him. He knocked on Larry's dressing room door, hoping Larry would let him in to talk.

"Come in," came Larry's muffled reply from behind the door.

                Bono pulled the door open. Larry was standing over a table with one of his clothes bags on it, pulling a shirt out of it. Bono's eyes roamed over Larry's naked torso and Larry looked up with surprise. At the sight of Bono, he yanked the shirt on himself as fast as he could without sticking his head through the armhole.

"No reason to get upset," Bono insisted, closing the door behind him and trying to act as though he hadn't really noted Larry's shirtless disposition, "I've seen that before."

"I'm not upset," Larry insisted and Bono smiled, "Then why did you put it on backwards?" He tugged at the tag sticking out the front and Larry looked down, embarrassed, "Oh..." He pulled the shirt on the correct way, "What do you need?"

"To talk," Bono said, sitting down.

"Oh..." Larry sat down across from him, folding his hands in his lap and looking down at them to avoid Bono's stare.

                Bono opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. What was he to say? What did he want to talk about? What did he want to ask Larry? More importantly, did he have the RIGHT to ask Larry his questions? No, just say what you came to say, Bono thought, trying to calm himself down.

"I...I'm not gay," Bono said then immediately cringed at what he'd just said. That wasn't what he'd planned to say at all...

"That makes two of us," Larry said good-naturedly and Bono scowled, "I'm sorry, it's just..."

Larry nodded, "I know...look, you shouldn't feel...uh, uncomfortable or anything. I'm your friend. You can trust me. Just ask me or whatever."

Larry was giving Bono the clear to talk freely.

"Right, well...you may not like it."

"BONO-"

"Alright, alright...I...God, this is hard...uhm...I am...attracted to you," Bono finally spit out.
"I got that much from the kiss," Larry replied nonchalantly.

"Right, but what I kinda wanted to know is...well..."

"Bono being inarticulate...this is priceless," Larry grinned and Bono smiled, loosening up a bit.

"Alright, already...I...I want to know if you are...to me...?"

Larry shifted uncomfortably, "I...don't know."

Bono frowned. That was a wishy-washy answer.

"Larry-"

"Yes, yes, I am, okay?" Larry said, "I wasn't planning on doing anything about it, though."

"Neither was I," Bono laughed, "I was just as surprised as you were."

"I'm just...I'm just so unsure about all this, Bono..." Larry mumbled as he stood up and went over to his bag, digging out one of his rings and sliding it on his finger, then grimaced as he noticed it was a ring Ann had given him for his thirty-fifth birthday. Bono stood up as well and walked toward the door.

"Hey!" Larry protested, "We're not done talking yet!"

"I know," Bono snapped, locking the door, "How many people do you want to walk into the conversation?"

"Oh..." Larry nodded and turned around, pulling his jacket off the table against the back wall of his dimly lit dressing room.

                Bono crossed the room to him and Larry turned around, dropping his jacket and a little unnerved as Bono came closer to him.

"You said you're not sure?" Bono said in a low voice.

"Yeah..." Larry nodded slowly.

                Bono pulled Larry in to a kiss by his arm. Larry's body stiffened in surprise as Bono slid his other arm around Larry's waist, pulling him closer. Larry melted in Bono's arms, moaning softly as Bono's tongue slid in his mouth. Finally Larry pulled away, his breath taken away, and Bono smiled, rubbing Larry’s cheek with a finger.

"Are you still not sure?"

Larry shook his head silently and Bono grinned, "I'm not going out tonight...drop by my room, huh?"

"Okay..." Larry mumbled as he watched Bono turn and walk out the door.

 

___

 

 

                Larry had been pacing back and forth in his room for at least a half an hour now. He couldn't go. He just couldn't. The ramifications of his and Bono's actions could have a dramatic effect not only on their friendship, but also on the band. After having a regular balance for so long, things had been thrown off and Larry was forced into a change he was none-to-pleased with...at least he thought he was unpleased.

                But if he was unhappy with the situation, why did he feel lightheaded and almost cheerful? Yes, he was full of anxiety and nerves as well, but...well, he'd kinda felt like that on his first date.

"Larry, this isn't a first date for God's sake, this isn't even a WOMAN!"

                What was wrong with him? What had happened with those kisses to change his mind about everything...the way he lived life? Why did he WANT to go to Bono's room? Why was he even attracted to him like that?

                Because, he realized, he kissed you and you liked it...A LOT. Larry had always felt close to Bono, like a brother, but this was just strange. Where had this come from?

"Who am I kidding?" He hissed to himself, "I've always been attracted to him."

                Larry could remember a young Bono charming his way into the band, the others well aware he was charming them…a Bono who would watch out for Larry when he was scared about touring out of America for the first time. A Bono Larry was always attracted to because he had all the qualities Larry lacked. The passion within him that Larry had never seen in anyone before, male or female...those were the things about Bono Larry loved. His tendency to just go and DO something without a thought. Like when he had kissed Larry. Larry had felt like doing that to Bono before, but had always suppressed the notion, usually ashamed of himself for feeling that temptation afterward. Bono always tended to make Larry realize he was being narrow minded about something. This was just another thing Bono had taught him. However, Larry wasn't quite sure he'd understood the lesson this time around. What was the good in all this if nothing came out of it? But what if something did? That could be worse than if it didn't. It seemed that no matter what Larry decided, he was screwed. 

                Larry sat down on the bed, his head in his hands. How could one kiss awaken so much in him? He knew he couldn't go...he had a girlfriend, children. True, maybe he and Ann had an open relationship, but this wasn't another woman...this was a MAN and even worse, one that meant a lot to him. Bono was his best friend. What would Ann think if she knew?

                And Bono...Bono was married, supposedly happily married. He had kids as well. What was going on in his marriage that he hadn't told Larry? Why had Bono turned to him? Larry knew a part of him was interested in the whole situation because he felt Ann and he were drifting apart. He hadn't been able to stay with his newborn son because of the tour and Ann had not been happy. She hadn't even told him she loved him before he left. Couldn't she understand how much he lived for this? Did something similar happen to Bono?

                Then Larry paused. Bono had had a fight with Ali and had come to him. They were still on the skids, if Larry judged correctly. He most certainly didn't want to be a filler until Bono made up with Ali. And he and Ann weren’t on the greatest of terms either...

                But the fact still remained. Larry just couldn't ignore the feelings he had. They were new and foreign, but extremely strong. He had to go to Bono's room. There was just no getting around it. They had to eventually get over this. Maybe it was just a phase. After they lived out the phase, maybe it would go away...Larry knew that was probably pretty unreasonable and ridiculous, but he wasn't himself lately and wasn't surprised he had such thoughts. The feeling of Bono's lips, hands and tongue...those were feelings Larry couldn't brush away easily and he just HAD to know what this whole thing was.

"Fuck it, I'm going," Larry mumbled, walking out the door and locking it behind him.

 

___

 

                Larry tried to knock on the door, but couldn't force his disobedient hand to follow. He lowered his raised hand and sighed. What was he doing here? Bono probably wasn't even here. He'd probably already thought about everything and gone to Larry's room to let him know he'd changed his mind about everything. And he'd come back to his room and Larry would be standing here and Bono would know he was serious about it.

Larry scowled and turned around, ready to go back to his room.

"Larry?" Bono said as he opened his door.

Larry whirled around and Bono raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing?"

That eyebrow...Larry wished he wouldn't do that; he looked incredibly sexy when he did it.

"I was...uh..." Larry sighed with a timid smile, "Trying to get the courage to knock on your door."

"Oh..." Bono nodded, "Let me help you."

                He gently took Larry's wrist and pulled him inside the room. Larry's breath caught in his throat at the sensation of pleasure from Bono touching him. Just that simple touch...

                Larry let Bono lead him in, closing the door behind him. Bono motioned Larry to sit down and Larry settled himself on the couch, once again placing his hands in his lap and looking down at them. He always did this when he was nervous or uncomfortable about something and he couldn't help it now. It did manage to keep him from noticing Bono's intense stare. Even without looking, Larry could feel it on him.

                Bono, reading Larry's body language, sat a good distance away on the couch. Larry bit his lip, fighting with himself to keep from shaking with nerves.

                Bono smiled. Larry looked so adorable and so frightened. The way he bit his lip and stared at his hands…Bono had never thought he would see Larry looking so unsure of himself. Larry always seemed to know who he was. This was probably the first time in his life that he didn’t.

“You okay, Larry?”

Larry nodded, still looking at his hands, “I…I’m fine.”

“Are your hands really that interesting?” Bono asked.

“Huh?” Larry’s cheeks turned pink, “Oh, no …I just, uh…”

“Let me see…” Bono said softly, sliding closer and taking Larry’s right hand.

                Bono examined Larry’s hand carefully, running a finger along his thumb. Larry squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying to ignore the flash of lust that surge within him…the feel of Bono’s skin…

“Very nice,” Bono whispered, “Hard to believe they’re not perfect on the inside as well.”

“What?”

“Your tendentious, remember?” Bono raised his eyebrow again.

“Oh, that…” Larry gulped, still taken back by his own feelings, “Well, I…it was in the, uhm, left hand…and…and it hasn’t hurt in a long while.”

Bono nodded silently, placing Larry’s hand back where it’d been before, “…Larry, you’re not the only one who’s scared, you know…I’m kinda frightened too…I’ve never had feelings like this before. And I’m sorry I’m forcing you to realize anything you feel for me, but…I guess I couldn’t ignore it anymore.”

“I know, it was…bound to happen eventually…it’s just…I mean, what are we…” Larry trailed off and Bono sighed, “The question I have for you is do you think you can…ignore these feelings?”

“I don’t think I even WANT to ignore these feelings,” Larry muttered.

                Bono nodded. He felt the same. Larry looked so helpless there. Bono just wanted to hold him and never let go. Larry was his best friend, his confidant, his advisor and his bandmate. The only thing Larry had never been to him was his lover. Bono had a feeling that until he became that, there would be an emptiness in Bono where something special could have been. Of course, he couldn’t tell Larry that. He wanted to, but…words failed him so easily, it just wouldn’t come out right.

“Bono, I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m pretty surprised by the way both of us has acted lately,” Larry said slowly, still staring down at his hands, his livelihood, “But I know that it’s probably not going to go away if we ignore it.”

                Bono glanced at Larry, at his soulful eyes. The only thing about Larry that would tell one truly and wholly what he was thinking. Larry looked back at him and the emotion was heartfelt and understood by both. Larry leaned forward and pressed his lips against Bono’s. Bono pushed Larry back against the couch, moving on top of him as they kissed. It feels so right, Bono thought, this can’t possibly be wrong. It just CAN’T be…

Larry whimpered softly as Bono hands slid under his shirt, up his sides, “Bono…”

Bono kissed him again, harshly, passionately and Larry pulled back, “Bono.”

“What?” Bono muttered in Larry’s neck.

“Don’t you feel a bit fifteen making out on the couch?”

Bono chuckled, “Where do you suggest we go?”

Larry gave Bono a look and Bono grinned, glancing over at his bed behind the couch, “Oh…okay.”

                Bono reluctantly got off Larry. Larry stood up and walked toward the bed only for Bono to stop him midway, grabbing him by the shirt collar and pulling him back into a kiss. Larry laughed in Bono’s mouth and clung tighter to Bono as Bono tried to undo the buttons on his shirt.

“Larry, will y-” Bono was cut off as Larry kissed him again and pulled away with a small giggle, “Larry, move back a bit, you’re all over me…”

“That’s the point,” Larry muttered and Bono grinned, “I know and usually-” Another kiss “-I wouldn’t mind, but I can’t unbutton your shirt, you’re so close-”

“Hey, Bono, do you mind if I borrow your-OMIGOD!” Edge’s mouth dropped open as he walked into the room, “Ohhh my GOD!”

Larry pushed Bono off him, “Edge, I-”

“Oh, shit…” Bono swore, a look of pure guilt on his face.

“Sorry, I…sorry!” Edge muttered, racing out the door and slamming it behind him.

“Edge, wait!” Larry redid the buttons on his shirt as he sprinted for the door.

“Larry…” Bono said pleadingly, grabbing Larry by the arm.

“LET GO!” Larry snapped, yanking his hand away and disappearing out the door.

“FUCK!” Bono screamed, “The FUCKING DOOR! I forgot to lock the fucking DOOR!”

                How could he have been so STUPID? Was he a total idiot? A moron? Bono growled with frustration, stomping over to the couch. His foot landed unevenly on something and he fell onto the couch, nearly twisting his ankle. His anger bubbled over and he lashed out, kicking the TV right over, not caring that he might have broken it. He looked down for what he had tripped on to see Larry’s ring, the one Ann had given him some years ago. Ann…Bono bent over and picked it up, tempted to chuck it out a window. But it was Larry’s and he just couldn’t…he shoved the ring in his pocket and sat down on the couch, mentally scolding himself for his idiocy and feeling ready to cry.

 

___

 

                Larry couldn’t remember ever being so embarrassed in his life. He was a very private person and what Edge had walked in on him and Bono doing was VERY personal. Larry felt the urge to either sink in the floor or throw up. If Edge knew, there was a possibility of Ann finding out and an almost definite yes on Adam knowing.  Secrets within the four were exactly that, within the four. There were few things that went on with one member of the group that the other three didn’t know about. Larry didn’t even want to think about how he was going to face Edge and Adam after this…and Bono? Larry sighed as he got to room 122. Here goes…

Larry knocked on the door, “Edge? Listen, I can explain.”

“I know what happened, my dad gave me the sex talk ages ago, thanks,” Edge yelled from the otherside of the door.

Larry made a face, “What kind of dad gives a talk about males do-“

“You know what I meant!”

“ED-“ Larry paused, “DAVE…please just let me tell you what’s been going on? Please?”

The door opened slightly and Larry pushed the door all the way open, shutting it behind him.

 

___

 

                Bono rolled over on his bed, going back to staring at the ceiling. It had been over two hours since Larry had left to talk to Edge and Bono had gotten no word. He assumed Larry probably didn’t want to talk to him and doubted Edge did either, but the least Larry could have done was tell him what Edge has said…like was he going to tell Ali, for starters?

                He had nothing to do but stare at the ceiling. He had broken the TV, (which would thrill Paul to death when he found out), and he’d left as his books and CDs in the car which Adam was driving around in somewhere. Bono sat up and put his chin in his hand. Everything had happened so fast; it’d taken a while for all of it to sink into Bono’s head. What a bad situation they’d thrown themselves in.

And what would happen? All that had changed in a matter of two days…it was almost unbelievable. If Ali found out…Bono couldn’t imagine what her reaction would be. And Larry…he had hurt Larry. Just the thought brought tears to his eyes. He cared about Larry so much and hated to see him unhappy. Now he’d fucked everything up by not locking a fucking door.

                Then again, the four were close and Edge and Adam probably would have figured it out eventually. But still, to find out this way, so early on into Larry and him figuring the whole thing out…? Not a good omen to a relationship, that was for sure. And Larry was such a cautious, private person…he was probably mortified. Bono felt a pang in his heart. He didn’t want Larry to be mad at him…at this point he’d rather be DEAD than have Larry mad at him…he needed Larry now more than ever.

“No…” Bono mumbled, shaking his head, “No, no, noooooooo…”

                But he knew. He was in love with Larry. What had been a strong love for someone who was almost a brother had blossomed into a much deeper love in a matter of days. Bono hoped this wasn’t some whirlwind romance…he didn’t want a fling, especially not with Larry. But he reminded himself that this newfound love for Larry felt similar to his love for Ali…of course, that wasn’t necessarily a good thought, but it did dash any thought of it being a throwaway relationship.

“I gotta talk to him,” Bono sighed, reaching for the phone and ringing up Larry’s room.

No one answered.

“He’s probably not answering it,” Bono concluded, getting up, “I’ll just have to go to his room…”

 

___

 

Bono knocked gently on Larry’s door, praying to God he’d answer. Please just this once, Larry, Bono thought, just this once, will you break character and be a bit open-minded and not so damn scared by change…?

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, Larry.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Larry muttered as he opened the door.

                Bono could tell he’d woken Larry up. He was wearing a tee shirt and boxers and his hair was going in every which direction. He could also tell Larry had fallen asleep crying. His eyes were red rimmed.

“Larry, please…we need to talk.”

“No, no talking,” Larry mumbled, shaking his head groggily, “Just pretend it didn’t happen…”

That definitely wasn’t what Bono wanted, “Larry, please…just be logical about this, huh?”

Larry stared at him a moment and then sighed, opening the door all the way and motioning Bono inside, “Logical? What we did before wasn’t LOGICAL…”

                Larry walked past Bono and sunk back into his bed with a deep sigh. Bono locked the door and sat on the foot of the bed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t lock the door. That was monumentally stupid of me,” Bono apologized.

“That’s okay…I know you didn’t do it on purpose or anything…” Larry sat up, “Bono, we can’t do this.”

“Why?” Bono asked, his heart sinking.

“Because you’re married and I have a girl friend and-”

“Now, Larry, be truthful about you and Ann.”

“Okay, so we have a free relationship…sometimes see other people. But still, you DON’T have a free relationship. And we both have children and a band and two other friends to think about,” Larry pointed out.

“Alright, fine…how you gonna live like this then? At each other’s throats, wanting to either punch each other or kiss each other. That’s fucked. We need to pick one or the other.”

“Bono, I…I can’t be with you because anything we have WON’T BE just when we’re on the road. Anything I had with you would turn to a head on relationship because you’re not just ANYONE to me…” Larry shook his head with a laugh, “I don’t even know why we’re having this discussion! I’m not gay!”

Bono snorted, “Maybe not, but you’re at least bi…”

“BONO!”

“Well, Larry be REAL for once!”

“Fine! I’m bi! Are you happy?”

“No.”

Larry rubbed his eyes with a sigh, “Well then what do you want?”

“Just you,” Bono said, looking Larry straight in the eye, “…Larry can you go on suppressing these feelings?”

“I managed to for twenty odd years.”

“Yeah, but now you know what you’re missing.”

Larry paused, “…Bono, I…no, dammit, I can’t.”

Bono shrugged, “Then what are we gonna do?”

“Do what we feel in our hearts?”

“Yeah…what did Edge say?”

“That he wouldn’t tell anyone…meaning Ann or Ali. I’m sure Adam’ll get it out of him though.”

“Yeah, it’s hard to keep anything from Adam.”

“God, I feel sick…” Larry mumbled, getting up and going into the bathroom, “I’ll be right back.”

                Bono nodded silently as Larry closed the door behind him. He looked around the room as he leaned back on the bed. The room looked dramatically different from his, but not because the rooms themselves were necessarily different, just their occupants. While Bono’s had been messy, (as Edge joked), since before Bono even got to the hotel, Larry’s was impeccably neat and tidy. The side of the bed he wasn’t using, (he didn’t hog the bed and sleep diagonal like Bono tended to do when not sharing his), was tucked in tightly and without a wrinkle. His clothes were laying folded in neat piles on top of his dresser and his bags of necessities where lined up along the opposite wall…his jacket hung up, his shoes aligned tidily against the wall next to his bags. The coffee table had a stack of magazines, also neat of course, and the couch wasn’t strewn with dirty clothes like Bono’s usually was after getting dressed in the morning or changing at night. Bono walked over to the dresser and looked down at the neat little pile of Larry’s watch, rings and necklace holding his mother’s engagement ring. He remembered the ring he’d found on his floor and pulled it out of his pocket, placing it carefully next to the others.

                Larry came out of the bathroom looking a bit better than when he’d gone in and looked at Bono with a bemused smile as Bono looked down at the engagement ring on it’s chain.

“What do you see in me?” Bono asked, not looking up.

Larry laughed, “What?”

Bono glanced at him, “I’m the epitome of everything you hate! I’m irrational, messy, irresponsible, emotional, dramatic, full to the BRIM with bullshit and I even do that little thing with my napkin that you hate where I fold it before putting it on my lap! What the fuck do you see in me?”

Larry stared at Bono a tense moment before bursting into a fit of chuckling, “Bono, those are all the things I love about you! That you don’t over analyze, you don’t have to have everything perfect, you can forget your duties and live up life a little, that you care so much about everyone, that you can make anything a big deal, an occasion…that you feel so deeply about everything…that you’re loyal and understanding, your passion for life. Don’t you see that?”

Bono smiled slightly, walking toward Larry, “I guess that could be true…”

“Of course it is,” Larry grinned, meeting him halfway, “Coz I’m never wrong.”

“You’re not, huh?”

“Nope,” Larry shook his head, sliding his hand around the back of Bono’s neck and pulling him into a tender kiss.

                Bono relented without any protest as Larry kissed him harder and harder. Larry always managed to surprise him. Bono had always assumed because Larry was so shy that he was timid when he was intimate and, of course, had never really expected to find out whether he was right or not. Now he discovered he was way off. Larry was aggressive, in charge and very much the man when in an intimate situation. But of course, how could Larry be otherwise? Deep down, U2 had always kinda been the Larry Mullen Band because Larry went out of his way to make sure HE had everything involving the band under control. The thought of Larry being timid about anything he was obviously so sure of… Bono laughed right into Larry’s mouth and Larry pulled away.

“Are my kissing skills that funny?”

“No, no,” Bono shook his head, “They’re incredible.”

“You’re not lying, are you?” Larry asked with an evil grin as he slid his hand around to the front of Bono’s pants. Bono made a squeaking noise and shook his head violently.

“I think you are…” Larry whispered in his ear, moving his hand around, “I think your laughing at me…”

“No, I’m not!” Bono said as his eyes bugged a bit and he laughed, “Although, if this is your reaction to it, I’m inclined to start doing so often…”

“Oh, yeah?” Larry murmured, unzipping Bono’s pants and sliding his hand in them.

Bono chuckled with surprise and a raised eyebrow, “Ohhh, Larry, you really shouldn’t do that…”

“What are you gonna do to stop me?” Larry grinned mischievously.

“First of all-” Bono pushed Larry over onto the bed and Larry giggled a bit childishly, “Oh, is that right, then?”

“Damn straight,” Bono muttered, straddling Larry and helping him pull his shirt off.

“So intimidating,” Larry grinned, pushing Bono over playfully.

“So you want to wrestle now?” Bono smiled and Larry shrugged, laying on his side, “An’ if I do?”

Bono pushed him back by the shoulder and slid his hand along Larry’s collar bone, then down his chest, “Hmm…well, I’d have to do…” his hand covered the bulge at Larry’s groin and he pushed on it, causing Larry to gasp and arch his back in surprise, “That,” his smile widened as Larry looked up at him with wide eyes, “These boxers are a bit thin, aren’t they, Lawrence?”

“You’re complaining?” Larry breathed out in a cracked voice, sliding Bono toward him and tugging Bono’s shirt off.

“You know what it was, don’t you Mullen?” Bono whispered into his shoulder.

“What what was?”

“What made me kiss you.”

Larry shook his head, “No what?”

“You’re so bleedin’ hot when you’re angry.”

A huge grin spread across Larry’s face, “Remind me to get pissed off more often.”

 

___

 

                Adam knocked cheerfully on Edge’s door, pushing it open before Edge had a chance to answer. He frowned to see Edge sitting on his couch in the dark, watching CNN.

“Edge, you didn’t come back to the club. I’d worried something had happened. Why are you sitting in the dark like this?” Adam walked over to him, switching the lamp on the table on.

“Something DID happen…” Edge muttered, squinting at the light.

“Oh, yeah?” Adam sat down on the couch, “Is it interesting?”

“If you’re into that sort of thing,” Edge mumbled under his breath and Adam made a face, “What do you mean by that?”

                Edge motioned Adam to follow him to the bar and Adam sat down on a stool as Edge made himself a drink.

“Orange juice for me, thanks.”

Edge nodded, pouring him a glass, “Here.”

“So what happened?” Adam asked, sipping from his drink.

Edge shook his head, “I’m not supposed to tell.”

Adam grinned, “Oh, well, have a few more drinks…then maybe this secret can turn into some community knowledge.”

Edge nodded, swigging a shot of some awful clear alcohol and coughing, “Wow…that should do it.”

“So what happened? At least tell me who it has to do with,” Adam prodded.

Edge sighed, “Yeah, no harm in that, I suppose…Larry and Bono.”

Adam raised his eyebrows and leaned over, pushing the bottle of liquor toward Edge, “Do tell…”

Edge looked down at the bottle and nodded, sitting down, “The love in this band has taken on a new meaning…”

“How so?”

“You’re not going to believe me.”

Adam was becoming impatient, “Aw, Edge just come off with it.”

“I promised…”

“EDGE-”

“I walked in on Larry and Bono making out,” Edge spit out before he could stop himself.

                With a loud gasp, Adam dropped his glass of orange juice. It shattered on the bar counter as Adam coughed on the juice he’d just swallowed wrong. Edge scowled at the mess, attacking it with a towel as Adam choked.

Adam coughed a little more before clearing his throat and croaking, “They were doing WHAT now?”

“You heard me…they were a foot away from making it to the bed when I walked in…God, if I had only KNOCKED…” Edge sighed, wiping down the counter and brushing the shards of glass to one side.

“They were…were…WHAT? LARRY? BONO? Are you SURE?”

“I know what I saw…Larry’s tongue in Bono’s mouth, Bono’s hands under Larry’s sh-”

“Okay, thanks, I get the idea,” Adam nodded, “But…well, I never thought THEY would…and especially not Larry!”

“I was soooo embarrassed,” Edge sighed, rubbing his forehead, “I’ve never been so surprised and disgusted in my LIFE.”

Adam frowned, “…Disgusted? You think what they were doing was…”

“Not for me, that’s for sure,” Edge said.

“Oh…” Adam’s shoulders sunk a bit and Edge eyed him, “You alright?”

“Huh? Oh…well, uh…I mean, considering what I just heard, of course not! How long has this been going on?” Adam said quickly.

“Larry says only a couple days…said that Bono just come out of the blue and kissed him. I never thought either of them…well, they did seem to like women quite a bit, you know?”

“Sometimes love doesn’t know genders,” Adam said softly, looking at Edge intently, and Edge stared back at him, “I suppose…are you…are you okay? You look sad now…I was more shocked, myself.”

Adam shook his head, “I’m going to go to bed…I…I don’t feel good.”

Adam left without another word and Edge scowled at the closed door.

“Wonder what’s wrong with him? He didn’t have to see Larry and Bono kissing.”

 

___

 

                Bono looked down at Larry sleeping quietly and brushed a strand of hair off his forehead. He sighed, trying to remember through the fogginess of the night what had happened only an hour ago. It seemed like an eternity…how strangely wonderful to be in the arms of Larry instead of having Ali in his own…this whole night brought Bono a different perspective on everything he had lived by before. His love for Larry was even stronger now…he hadn’t known that to be possible either. In one single night, he felt as though he’d lost everything and gained the world in a single sweep. His heart was in Larry’s hands and, much to his surprise, it felt wonderful. Larry would never purposefully hurt or deceive him. Larry loved him too; Bono could feel it.

                He stared at Larry a few more moments, watching the blanket over Larry move up and down as he breathed. A grin spread across Bono’s face as he decided that Larry’s time for peaceful sleep was over. He climbed onto the bed and teasingly ran a finger up Larry’s muscular arm. Larry flinched in his sleep and pulled his arm under the blanket. Bono rolled his eyes and got under the blanket. He slid an arm around Larry’s naked waist and Larry’s eyes shot open. At first he looked startled to see Bono smiling back at him, but then he face relaxed as the memories of what had happened earlier flooded him.

“Not used to seeing you there,” Larry smirked groggily.

“More used to seeing a woman,” Bono added and Larry nodded, closing his eyes again, “Yeah, usually…”

“One that’s not always Ann…”

Larry’s eyes snapped back open, “What?”

“I hadn’t slept with anyone but Ali in…over twenty years. Now…”

“You regret what we did?”

“…No. I can’t say I do.”

“Then why did you say that about Ann?”

“Well, I mean…if you’re not necessarily faithful to Ann…”

“I am. I don’t sleep with anyone but her when I’m not on the road and I hardly stray as it is when I AM on the road.”

“Yeah, but I mean…I don’t happen to agree with your “agreement”, morally…”

“Bono, you’re laying in bed with me and you’re married to someone else, of the opposite sex, no less…let’s not get on about your morals at this point. That still needs to be worked out. Just what are you getting at?”

“I’m just saying…well, if I’m on the road with you…”

“I’m not going to stop sleeping with Ann, Bono. I’ve been with her for over two decades now.”

“I know, that’s not what I’m saying. I knew that before we did all this…I meant…well, if I’m on the road with you…you…you don’t really NEED those other girls, do you?”

Larry’s body stiffened, “…Oh, so that’s what you’re getting at. You’re not a girl, Bono.”

Bono rolled his eyes, rubbing Larry’s side to try to soften what he was saying, “I know that, but…I…look, forget it, okay?”

“No, I understand…” Larry was silent a moment and then nodded, “I won’t sleep with anyone else, okay? I mean, beside Ann…it probably wouldn’t feel right with you right down the hall anyway…I don’t want to hurt you and if that would, I simply won’t do it.”

Bono smiled weakly, trying to hide the relief he felt, “…Thank you.”

Larry shrugged, getting out of bed, “All you had to do was say so straight out.”

Bono scowled, “Where are you going?”

Larry pulled on a pair of briefs and his jeans, “I’m gonna go make sure Adam’s back.”

“Wait, why?” Bono whined as Larry zipped up his pants.

“Because, we have a concert later today and I want him rested,” Larry said reasonably.

“Yeah, but Adam’s a big boy, Larry…just come back to bed, he’s FINE.”

“I just want to be sure,” Larry insisted, picking out a shirt off his dresser and buttoning it on.

Bono sighed, laying back in bed; “You’re killing me here…”

“And when I get back, we’re going to sleep, Bono,” Larry said sternly as he put on the chain with his mother’s ring on it.

“WHY?”

“So you don’t collapse from exhaustion on the heart ramp, maybe?” Larry retorted, opening the door.

“…Well, hurry back.”

“With you here?” Larry grinned, “I’ll take as long as I can!”

                Larry ducked out, closing the door behind him as pillows from the bed came flying toward him.

 

___

 

                Adam opened the door and eyed Larry uncomfortably. Larry smiled back at him and Adam opened his door, motioning him in.

“What do you need?”

“I was just making sure you were back…we have a show later today, so you better go to bed or you’ll play shit,” Larry said, sitting down on his bed.

“I could say the same for you,” Adam replied, lighting a cigarette.

Larry shrugged, “I’ve already gotten some sleep and I’m hoping to get more in a little bit…I just wanted to make sure you got back okay.”

“Sleep? Have you really?” Adam muttered under his breath as he sat down next to Larry.

“What?” Larry asked.

“Nothing…I’m fine, thanks for checking Mum,” Adam nodded and Larry grinned, “That’s my job…you know I’ve always kinda worried about you. I don’t know why, you’re a pretty competent guy…and older than me. Sorry I pester you sometimes,” Larry admitted.

“I know it’s just your way of showing you care, Larry,” Adam said softly and then looked Larry in the eye, “Can I…can I ask a question in complete confidence?”

“Yeah, sure. What?”

“How do you know if you’re…gay?”

Larry sighed tiredly and nodded, “Talk to Edge, huh?”

“Yeah, but I was more asking for me…”

“You?”

“Yeah,” Adam said with a defensive edge, “Is that so hard to believe?”

“No, no…I’d be the one that would be hard to believe, I should think…I…well, look…”

                Larry stopped. This was strange. He couldn’t clear it out in his head nevertheless talk about it properly. He was so used to getting advice from Adam and not the other way around.

“Well, there’s a lot more to it than…than physical lust…usually, I mean. It depends on who with.”

“Love, you mean?”

“Sometimes, yes.”

“Do you love Bono?”

Larry faltered again, “…Well, I…yeah, I do. I can’t really help it.” That felt strange and a bit out of place to admit…

“Did you before you guys had…?”

“Adam…I know you probably don’t want to know this, but we DIDN’T until today, just earlier tonight. I loved him before that…long before that. That’s why it was so hard for us to get to this point and admit how we felt about each other. It’s really kinda stupid. 41 and 39 years old and we finally figure out how we always felt about each other.””

Adam nodded, “I know what you’re saying. I tried not to think about my feelings…it took hearing about you guys for me to face mine…and I…obviously don’t condemn what you’ve decided to do…I’m not asking out of curiosity, you know.”

“I figured, but I’m not sure if it’s still strange for you to hear from me…Adam, who is it?”

“I can’t…”

“I swear I won’t tell a soul, not even Bono.”

“You promise?”

“When have I ever gone back on a promise? This is ME we’re talking about here.”

“Yeah…okay. It’s…Edge.”

Larry’s mouth dropped open, “Are you serious?”

“Yes, and I think I love him, but…he said he was grossed out by what he saw you and Bono doing.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah.”

“He told me he was fine with it just as long as it didn’t affect the band and we…”

“You what?”

“Told our partners…I still have to run that by Bono.”

“That won’t be fun.”

“We might have to stop. I don’t think Ann’ll be too keen on it.”

“That’s silly. You can sleep with other women, but not men?”

“Yeah, I know,” Larry sighed, “Anyway, back to you…did you tell him?”

“Of course not.”

“…Give him some time, Adam…he’s in shock right now. How long have you felt like this?”

“A long time, I think. No real year or anything.”

“Do you want a relationship, coz with Edge…I mean, it’s unavoidable if it’s with him, you know…”

“Yeah, I’ve had lots of time to think about this. I’d like to at least see where it goes.”

“…Boy, are our lives fucked up,” Larry sighed, “Mind if I have a drag?”

Adam looked down at the cigarette in his hand and smiled at Larry, “That depends on where your mouth has been the last couple hours.”

Larry paused and grinned mischievously, “Nevermind, then.”

“Oh, is that right? Unfortunate visual for me,” Adam chuckled, “…Bono, huh? You guys always had a weird relationship.”

“What do ya mean?”

“Well…you could always tell he fancied you. If you notice with Bono, he’s very jokingly flirty with Edge and me, but…he never was to you. I think he takes you very seriously. He has watched over you like a mother hen for years. And heaven forbid someone should dislike you. If they don’t like Larry, they’re not usually high on Bono’s list either. He treats us like brothers…he always kinda treated you like…I don’t know, maybe a very close female friend he might have. A bit more courtesy and a lot more consideration. And a sense of attraction…it always seemed like a “look, but don’t touch” thing, but I guess that’s changed.”

“You knew he was attracted to me?”

“I think everyone knew, Larry…except you of course. You didn’t have a clue. Well, wait…I don’t think Bono really knew either. And if he did, he tried to ignore it. Guess he just couldn’t.”

“I guess it’s my fault…we were kinda…joking around…wrestling a bit when he kissed me.”

Adam smirked, “You seduced him!”

Larry frowned with a sigh; “Yeah, yeah…I can’t believe everyone saw it but me.”

Adam shrugged, “Well, anyway Larry, just know you mean a lot to him…maybe more than Edge and me do. The only people he probably loves more than you are his kids.”

“What about Ali?”

“…Like I said, the only people he loves more than you are probably his kids.”

“I don’t know…I’m afraid he’s going to forget me once Ali is back in the picture.”

“No, not from what I’ve seen. I don’t honestly think he’d ever do anything to hurt you, Larry.”

 

___

 

                Bono rolled over, irritated by a lump of blanket under him. He pulled it up to find out it wasn’t the blanket; it was Larry’s shirt from earlier. Bono smiled. It even smelled like him…God, he smelled good. Bono sighed and threw it over to the couch, laying back on the bed. Larry sure was taking his time.

                Then Larry walked in, kicking his shoes off along the way. Bono sat up and Larry smiled his wonderful sideways smile at him as he closed the door and locked it.

“What took you so long?”

“Adam needed to talk to me…about something,” Larry pulled off his shirt and walked toward the bed, “Bono, I need you to promise me something.”

Bono shrugged, “Sure, what?”

“No, you have to really promise me,” Larry insisted, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I WILL, but what is it?” Bono replied, scooting over next to him.

“That our relationship will never screw up our friendship or the band.”

Bono nodded, “I can I agree to that.”

“Not agree, promise.”

“Okay, I can PROMISE that.”

“That’s all I need,” Larry said and Bono kissed his shoulder, “You sure? You seem upset now.”

“No, no…I’m fine,” Larry mumbled, standing up and pulling off his jeans, “I’m just…tired.”

                Larry crawled into bed, his back to Bono. He felt horrible for Adam. He was suffering, Larry knew, and there was nothing Larry could do about it. Larry remembered really liking this one girl in high school and her refusing to look twice at him. Even though he knew that now she’d probably have a much different reaction to him, it didn’t matter. That was a feeling of not being wanted someone could carry around their whole life if they weren’t careful. And Adam didn’t just like Edge; he loved him. It must have been tearing Adam up inside, knowing it might never be. Larry knew that if Bono were to suddenly lose interest…he didn’t even like to think about how he’d feel.

Bono rubbed Larry’s shoulder with his hand, “Larry, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Bono,” Larry nodded, patting Bono’s hand, but not turning around, “Good night.”

Bono sighed to himself and closed his eyes. Sleep was coming easy. He felt tired, yet peaceful…then Larry’s tossing and turning started up. Larry couldn’t get comfortable, couldn’t keep still for longer than a minute. Even with the huge bed, Bono couldn’t sleep with Larry squirming and fidgeting next to him.

“Alright, I’m gonna asked one more time, what’s WRONG?” Bono snapped.

“Adam.”

“What did he do?”

“It’s not anything he did.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s just depressed about something.”

“What?”

“I promised I wouldn’t tell, Bono.”

“Adam’s my friend too…you can tell me.”

“No, I said I wouldn’t.”

“I have a right to know…he’s been my friend just as long as he’s been yours.”

“Then go ask him, coz I made a promise. I even said, “I won’t even tell Bono”.”

“Larry, c’mon…”

“Bono, it’s none of your business.”

“…Excuse me?” Bono’s mouth dropped and he sat up, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Bono, don’t take it personally…if Adam wants you to know he’ll tell you himself.”

“Larry…you’re being an ARSE.”

“Whatever, Bono,” Larry sighed, rolling over.

“You think you’re so much better than me, don’t you?” Bono snapped, climbing out of the bed and tugging his clothes on.

“Bono, what are you DOING? Get back in bed and stop making a big deal out of this.”

“Making a big deal? Well, fuck you, Larry. I’m so sick of your holier-than-thou attitude,” Bono yelled, pulling his shirt on.

“See? I could never be in a relationship with you! DRAMA KING!”

Bono made a face and Larry nodded, sitting up, “That’s right I said it! DRAMA KING…YOU!” he emphasized, pointing at Bono.

“Oh, and you AREN’T? Instead of just telling me what’s wrong, you have to make a big stink about it all? Make me feel worthless…stupid? Maybe this WAS a mistake,” Bono retorted.

Larry paused, shocked, “…What?”

“I said maybe this was a mistake,” Bono mumbled pulling his shoes on, not even bothering to tie them.

“Bono, you…don’t mean that, right?”

“Good night, Larry,” Bono said, going for the door and the turning back around, “By the way…it might not be a bad idea to let Adam handle his own problems coz you have quite a few of your own.”

                Bono slammed the door behind him. Larry stared at the closed door an astonished moment before growling angrily and incoherently. His alarm clock on the night table went off: 7:00 AM. Larry picked it up and hurled across the room angrily. It smashed against the wall and Larry sighed, pulling his blankets back over him and sleeping till 2:30 PM.

 

___

 

                “You bury your treasure…where it can’t be found,” Bono belted, “But your love is like a secret…that’s been passed around…” His fight with Larry flashed in his mind and he tried to shake it off. Bono looked over to Adam, who nodded approval. “There is a silence that comes to a house…where no one can sleep – Larry, pick it up – I guess that’s the price of love – LARRY, UP – I know it’s not cheap…” He looked back at Larry, who made a face, but nodded. Bono went back to the song, frowning when Larry’s hadn’t sped up his playing, “Baby, baby, baby, light my way…ALRIGHT, stop! Enough stop!”

“What’s wrong with it?” Edge scowled, pulling his guitar off.

“HIM,” Bono pointed toward Larry and Larry’s face screwed up in anger, “Bono, shove it up your arse.”

“That’s a nice analogy for the situation, Lard Ass, thank you,” Bono sneered, “When I say pick it up, you PICK IT UP!”

“So fucking sorry your majesty; where’s your tiara?” Larry replied, throwing his sticks down in frustration.

“Bono, Larry was playing FINE,” Edge insisted and Adam nodded, “And we need to get some variety into this set list.”

“Then we’ll play ‘Out Of Control’ or something,” Bono muttered, throwing down his mic as the sparse amount of crew people around them stared, “Because LARRY is a fuck up.”

“That’s a lie,” Larry spat, “Funny, you’ve been telling a lot of those lately. Like promising me that you wouldn’t let us effect the band.”

“Oh, yes!” Bono ranted, walking down the heart ramp and yelling back at Larry as he climbed down and went over to the soundboard, “You know ALL ABOUT promises, don’t you Mullen?”

“Fuck off and die,” Larry mumbled, storming off the stage to the backstage area, Edge close behind, “Larry, wait…he didn’t mean it…”

“You guys? Edge? What about SOUNDCHECK?” Adam shouted, left alone on the stage as the watching crewmembers broke up, the show over.

“…Fuckers,” Adam swore, pulling off his bass and dropping it on the floor with a thump and screech of feedback as he walked off stage.

 

___

 

                “He has NO consideration for others!” Larry shouted at the top of his lungs, Edge weaving in between crewmembers who were literally throwing themselves against the walls to avoid getting in Larry’s way as he stormed down the hallway. They knew just as well as the other three band members did…when Larry was in a bad mood, watch out. No one in their right mind wanted to be on Larry’s shit list and Edge knew Bono was probably going to pay dearly for the way he’d just acted…and kiss a hell of a lot of ass as far as his situation with Larry was concerned. Edge hadn’t seen Larry this irate in years.

“Such a FUCKING ARSEHOLE!” Larry swore loudly, passing a girl who looked ready to cry from fright as her employer continued to scream obscenities. Others just stared slack jawed at the spectacle as Larry kicked a stack of containers holding God-knows-what kind of equipment over. One of the crewmembers, obviously the one in charge of that equipment, made a whimpering noise, but said nothing. Some crewmembers looked mortified, others seemed slightly amused. They’d worked with rock acts before and had seen plenty of back stage temper tantrums; they just never expected one from Larry, who was generally passive, at least in their presence. Normally, Larry wasn’t one to make an ass of himself, but he was just plain furious, “Then he has the nerve to tell ME that I’M not playing well? He’s got another thing coming if he thinks that shit’s gonna fly! Like he’s the best fucking singer in the world! FUCK HIM!”

                Larry kicked his dressing room door open and stomped inside. Edge moved to follow, and then glanced around at the staring crew.

“Move along, SHOW’S OVER,” Edge snapped and everyone immediately went back to what they had been doing, Edge’s stern look egging them on.

                Edge closed the door as Larry sat down, his back to Edge. Edge sighed as he walked over to Larry and sat across from him.

“Larry-”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“I don’t CARE. What happened between you and Bono?”

“We had a fight last night.”

“About what?”

Larry paused, “…I can’t tell you.”

“Why?”

“Because it has to do with Adam and I promised not to tell anyone. That’s why Bono got pissed, coz he thought I didn’t trust him coz I wouldn’t tell him what Adam told me.”

“What did I say about letting this affect the band?”

“I really did make him promise, Edge! I did and you saw the way he acted! I didn’t initiate that argument, HE did!”

“Larry…what is it with him, huh? Why are you even doing this?”

“Edge, you just DON’T understand,” Larry said, shaking his head.

“Well then EXPLAIN to me. WHY BONO?”

Larry looked at him, “What?”

“Why are you…what made you decide that you were going to change your lifestyle for HIM?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I want to know.”

“Yeah, but-”

“There’s a million guys…why HIM? You should have known you and Bono were gonna fight, you two ALWAYS fight. Why couldn’t you just pick someone you get along with better? Someone more mild…someone who isn’t gonna get dramatic about everything? Why do you have to make it hard on yourself and everyone else? Why Bono? Why couldn’t you have found someone else more…”

Larry stared at Edge a moment and leaned forward, a look of realization on his face, “Someone more…like you?”

Edge gaped at Larry and finally managed to shake his head, “…That’s…that’s not what I meant…Bono can be a drama king, he over reacts; he has hissy fits…and that WASN’T what I meant!”

“Yes it was.”

“Noooo it wasn’t…”

“EDGE.”

“…I…NO. Not more like me…that’s not…no. I was just saying that Bono is a hard person to WORK with nevertheless SLE-”

“EDGE…so, you’re not hiding anything for me?”

“What?” Edge exclaimed in a cracked voice, shaking his head even more violently, “No, no…I…no!”

Larry looked intently, knowingly, at Edge and Edge closed his eyes, “Please don’t…don’t do this. I’m heterosexual and that’s the end of it.”

“…If you say so Edge.”

“DON’T patronize me,” Edge scowled.

“Then don’t LIE to me.”

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Larry shook his head, laughing with disbelief, “You’re…JEALOUS. You’re jealous of Bono!”

“I am NOT! What have I got to be jealous of?”

“Good question,” Larry retorted, standing up and staring down at him, “Why don’t you tell me.”

“I don’t have anything TO tell!” Edge insisted, standing up as well, “I told you and I told Adam…that’s…just not…no, I’m NOT.”

“Sounds like your trying to convince yourself more than you are me,” Larry muttered walking to the door.

“HEY!” Edge yelled, “I don’t…” He trailed off as Larry rolled his eyes, arms crossed, “Go ahead. Lie some more, Edge. You won’t be the first in the last two days.”

“You are REALLY pissing me off!” Edge growled, “I don’t have to justify myself to you!”

“No, but our friendship has required you to be honest and, gee…looks like Adam’s my only REAL friend, doesn’t it?” Larry said coldly.

“Larry, please don’t…DO this…I…” Edge looked down, squeezing his eyes shut, “I have CHILDREN…Morleigh…she’d…leave me or something…I don’t know what makes you think you’re invincible, that Ann isn’t going to leave you or that your children won’t find out someday, but…well, for once I’m being a lot more cautious than you are,” Edge threw up his arms dramatically, “I didn’t even THINK about all this until I saw you and Bono…and you…”

“Why are you jealous of Bono, Edge?”

“I’m NOT…”

Larry frowned at Edge and he caved, “Okay…maybe I am.”

“WHY, Edge. I need to know why.”

“You KNOW why.”

“I need to hear you say it. I could be wrong.”

“I know what you’re thinking and you’re not.”

“Edge…I’m gonna go out there if you don’t tell me. I have a ton of people I have to apologize to for the way I just acted. Not Bono, but other people, like my crew. I don’t have time for this,” Larry replied, moving to open the door.

“OKAY,” Edge sighed, “Maybe…maybe I’M interested in you. MAYBE.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” Larry mumbled, leaning against the door and rubbing his forehead, “WHY?”

“Because…I don’t know WHY…I just AM.”

“Edge, the last thing I need right now is some bloody love rectangle.”

“…Rectangle? Who ELSE are you sleeping with?”

“What?”

“You said rectangle…that’s four, not three.”

“I meant triangle.”

“You did…?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Look who’s lying now…” Edge said smugly.

“I’m NOT lying…”

“Sure you aren’t. And I don’t know what a guitar is.”

Larry made a face, “EDGE…”

“Alright, I believe you, fine.”

“Yeah, thanks…” Larry said bitterly, looking down at his feet. What was he going to do now?

“Larry…?”

“What?”

“Could you…I mean…”

“What Edge?”

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

Larry stared back at him, “You’re not telling Ali or Ann then?”

“I thought you were going to.”

“Change of plans I’d say…”

“Larry…” Edge glared at him, “Are you BLACKMAILING me?”

Larry scowled, offended, “No…I won’t tell Morleigh. Even if you told Ann or Ali…I wouldn’t tell. I’m not like that. Too bad you don’t know me well enough to know I wouldn’t even think of that.”

Edge’s shoulders slumped, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…of course you wouldn’t…”

“I know you didn’t mean to…well, look…everything’s gonna be rough from now on…REALLY rough, but…I want you to know I’ll be here for you. If you need anyone to talk to, I’m still here. I’m your friend ahead of everything else.”

Edge smiled weakly as Larry opened the door, “Thanks.”

“Su-”

                Larry was cut off as Edge reached over him, slamming the door closed with one hand and grabbing Larry by the back of the neck with the other, pulling him into a kiss. Larry pulled away at first, but Edge had him tightly grasped. Finally Larry gave into the kiss, allowing Edge to pull him close. A warning, at the back of Larry’s mind and slowly coming forward, told him to stop what he was doing. He was making a mistake, one he couldn’t make up. One that would walk around with him for the rest of his life. He was mad at Bono, which was the only reason he was doing this with Edge. He knew this wasn’t right and he knew Edge would regret it just as much as he would. Bono would never speak to either of them again if they did and he found out.

Larry pulled away forcibly, shaking his head, “Edge, I…I can’t…Bono.”

Edge nodded slowly, letting go of him, “…You love him don’t you?”

“I…I’m sorry,” Larry looked down, biting his lip.

“It doesn’t matter that I love you too, does it?”

Larry looked up at him with a miserable look in his eyes, “Edge, no…”

“Larry, I…”

“Noooo…”

                Larry pushed past Edge, slipping out of the door and running the rest of the way out of the venue. He looked down at his watch. He had two hours before show time and he needed to get away…someplace where no member of U2 could bother him…

                He walked around the corner of the building, past security, and jumped; startled, as loud screams of “Larry!” came at him. He looked up and smiled at the line of fans, waiting to get into the middle of the heart ramp, jumping up and down and waving frantically at him. He walked toward them happily and spent the next hour there with them, talking, signing autographs and listening to fans cry, laugh and sing for him until finally he was dragged away by a roadie, insisting that he come in and get ready for the show.

 

___

 

                Bono stared at Larry as he walked down the hallway, completely ignoring Bono as he slowed down to walk with him. Bono’s eyes squeezed tightly closed as Larry breezed past him. Larry ignoring him was like salt in an open wound. Larry had a way of making you feel like you didn’t exist or matter when he was mad at you. Bono followed after him and tapped him on the shoulder. Larry shrugged his hand off and kept walking. Bono stopped his tracks, sneering at Larry’s backside.

“Wanker.”

                Larry spun around and stared at him, stone faced. They stood there moment, neither saying anything. Then Larry suddenly smiled at him. Bono’s face drew a blank, bewildered by why Larry was smiling at him so pleasantly.

“What the fuck are you smiling about?”

Larry flashed him the middle finger and shrugged, “I DID tell you to piss me off more often.”

                Bono gaped as Larry walked away, his emotions pulling in two different directions. Larry had given him the finger, which of course had pissed him off a LOT, but his reference to earlier…that suggested that Larry was ready to call their argument quits and make up.

Bono nodded with a sigh. That was Larry’s point. Larry knew that no matter what he did, no matter how disrespectful he was or much he kicked Bono around, Bono couldn’t stay mad at him. Also vice versa, Bono was guessing. Larry knew he’d eventually be back with Bono. He was proving another one of his goddamn points. And unfortunately, as usual when he was proving one of his many points to Bono over the years, he was absolutely right. Bono would have kissed him right there if he hadn’t known people were around. Larry may sometimes be naïve and innocent, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew Bono almost as well as Bono knew himself. Bono’s only consolation was that he knew Larry probably would have relented if Bono HAD kissed him.

                Bono grinned, remembering a Larry who used to be afraid to open his mouth, even when just around the rest of U2, and how Bono had bugged him so much about it that Larry had come to really speak his mind when he wanted things his way, which with him was often. A man who had never been able to say anything to criticize anyone else had changed a lot over the years. Bono had known Larry had it in him. The ability to fuck with people, to manipulate, to be bullshit, but that Larry chose not to use or show that side. But every once in a while, that little bit of him poked out.

“I’ve created a monster,” Bono mumbled, continuing down the hallway far behind Larry.

 

___

 

                “Got me with nothing to win…and nothing left to loose,” Bono crooned as thousands of hands reached out to him with longing desperation. Bono bent down, doubled over his mic, and slowly turned to the stage. He pulled off his blue tinted shades, which he’d just put back on a song ago, and dropped them carelessly to the red floor of the ramp. He raised a hand toward his band, smiling at Adam as Adam grinned back at him. Bono’s gaze fell on Larry and he nodded ever so slowly as Larry frowned, worried what Bono was about to do. This one is for you, Bono thought.

“And you give yourself away…and you give yourself away…and you give…and you give…and you give yourself away, with or without you,” Bono emoted with fervor, walking gradually back to the stage, “With or without you, ohhhhh…I can’t live…with or without you…”

Larry stared back at him, his drumming pounding deeper and deeper into Bono’s spine, egging him on. Bono knelt over again, this time toward the mass of moving hands, and hit the high notes with a perfection unseen since the original recording of the song during The Joshua Tree. The song blistered through its end, Adam now frowning a bit at Larry and Bono’s interaction and Edge oblivious, lost in the music and desperately trying to forget who was making the beat he was playing to. He hadn’t looked at Larry once the whole show. He, like Bono, felt a particular heart tug for himself and Larry during this song.

Bono held an arm out to the crowd, still singing, reaching for them as they stretched for him. Finally he grabbed hold of an arm and pulled up, helped by a security person as he yanked the tearful girl on stage. She was shaking, obviously amazed she’d been graced with the privilege of dancing with Bono, but so over whelmed and muddled up in the head by the moment that when the mic got a bit too close to her face she screamed “I love you Larry!” As her friends, still pressed up against the outside of the heart, groaned with embarrassment of what their friend had just done, as the girl herself turned beat red, Bono smiled and nodded, holding her close and muttering under his breath, “So do I…” as the song played on.

 

___

 

                Bono had been searching the backstage area for at least twenty minutes now. No one had seen Larry within the last ten minutes. Bono needed to talk to him NOW. He wanted this to stop, this senseless arguing and bickering. He wanted Larry back…he NEEDED Larry back.

The angry, uninhibited set they had just played had been all it had taken to push Bono into realizing he was wasting precious time with Larry arguing over shit that, in the end, didn’t matter. And Larry had looked so…angry, so passionate. His sly smile during ‘Elevation’, his pained eyes during ‘Until The End Of The World’, his sneer as he pounded out ‘Bullet The Blue Sky’…it had been almost too much to take. Bono couldn’t remember ever being so drawn to Larry on stage before. The pestering temptation to kiss Larry as he walked onto the ramp for the acoustic set right in front of everyone, just to see his reaction and to hear everyone else’s…Bono grinned mischievously, turning a corner toward a dark back room full with lighting equipment. He doubted Larry was in here, but he’d looked practically everywhere else.

                Suddenly he had someone yanking him back by the collar of his jacket and was whirled around, assaulted by a kiss before he had a chance to even identify the person. He closed his eyes with a satisfied moan. He didn’t need to look. He knew Larry’s kisses anywhere.

                Larry pushed him roughly against the wall, sliding his hands hungrily under Bono’s jacket and tee shirt. (God, he needed him…) Bono in return dragged Larry along, opening a closet door with his free hand and pulling Larry into the pitch black with him. Door closed, Larry tugged at Bono’s clothes impatiently.

“God, you were hot out there,” Bono muttered, pulling his jacket off as Larry kissed his neck.

“I wanted to kiss you right there,” Larry laughed and Bono grinned in the darkness, “I was tempted to do the same…can you imagine the controversy?”

Larry laughed again and nodded, running his hands up Bono’s back from underneath the tee shirt, “It would have been great…give the newspapers something INTERESTING to say about us for once…”

                Bono chuckled helplessly as he and Larry leaned back too far into the closet and nearly fell over some low boxes on the floor.

“It’s a bit too crowded,” Larry said, stating the obvious.

“That’s the fun part,” Bono whispered, pushing Larry over on top of the boxes.

“Ahhh! Ow!” Larry hissed, catching his balance and landing safely in a sitting position on top of the boxes, “Bono, this is really uncom-”

                He stopped in midsentence as he felt the warm pressure of Bono sitting down in his lap, straddling him. Larry grinned, only the sound of his and Bono’s heavy breathing audible, and then laughed, wobbling precariously as Bono pulled him into another kiss.

“Bono…I don’t think the boxes can handle both of our weight…”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m fat?”

“No, I’m saying that the boxes probably can’t handle both of our weight. Women are supposed to have complexes about their weight, not manly men like you,” Larry teased, rubbing Bono’s thigh playfully.

“Yeah, I’m real manly making out with my masculine male drummer in a cramped closet,” Bono nodded, “Did you think what would happen if someone walks in this closet right now?”

“No…you wanna go back to the hotel?”

Bono shook his head, “No. I think it’s kinda…you know…dangerous.”

“Oh, you’re one of THOSE are you? The type that get a kick out of doing it under a table at a restaurant or in the bathroom of a museum?”

“Ooooo…bathroom of a museum? We’ll have to try that one…” Bono joked, undoing the zipper on Larry’s jeans.

“Is it just me or do you see the dirty irony in this?” Larry grunted as Bono rubbed teasingly against him.

“I see the dirty part,” Bono grinned.

“No, really,” Larry insisted, “Two guys who pretend to be completely heterosexual to the world having sex in a dark CLOSET together?”

“No, Larry…the ironic part is when we LEAVE the closet,” Bono corrected with joking sternness as Larry undid his pants.

 

___

 

Adam walked out of the elevator, happily puffing a cigarette as walked over to the breakfast bar past the lounge. His eyes grazed over the tables, over the faces of people eating pancakes and fruit, and his gaze landed on Larry and Bono, tucked away in a corner table, laughing and talking in low voices to each other. He walked toward them with a timid smile. Larry had his back to Adam, but Bono saw him and waved him over. Larry twisted in his seat and smiled kindly at Adam as he sat down next to him.

“Where were you? We went to your room earlier to invite you to breakfast, but you didn’t answer when we knocked,” Bono asked, passing Adam the pitcher of orange juice.

“I was probably in the shower and didn’t hear you,” Adam said quickly, putting out his cigarette in an ashtray that was already full from some of Larry’s.

“Hey, Adam…we’re real sorry about the way we acted yesterday…leaving you like that on stage,” Larry apologized, waving some bacon at Adam as a peace offering.

“Don’t worry about it…I know you’re sorry,” Adam insisted, taking the bacon anyway.

“That was really rude of all three of us,” Bono went on, sipping his tea, “We were just so mad at each other, we kinda…forgot about you. It’ll never happen again.”

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” Adam laughed, brushing Bono’s apologies off, “Anyway, I’m just happy to see that you two have made up.”

“Did we ever,” Bono grinned at Larry with raised eyebrows.

Larry rolled his eyes and Adam smirked, “Busy last night, eh?”

“Adam,” Larry said with a stern look, but Bono chuckled, “Very…Larry damn near wore me out…”

“BONO,” Larry hissed as Adam cracked up, “We’re only teasing you Larry.”

“Want to hear HOW we made up Adam?” Bono continued, as Larry made a face and looked around, paranoid that someone might be listening, “BONO…”

“Or maybe you’d like to hear WHERE we made up…that was the really interesting part…”

“BONO!”

Adam’s smile weakened a bit and he shook his head, “No, I’m fine guessing, thanks…”

                Larry sighed. Bono shouldn’t joke around about stuff like that. Not only was it dangerous to talk about it so openly in public, but also it probably stung Adam that he and Bono were so happy together. Of course, Bono wouldn’t know Adam was unhappy.

Speaking of which…

“…So has anyone talked to Edge lately?” Larry asked.

“I did, yeah,” Adam nodded, biting into some of Bono’s toast as Bono protested, trying to snatch it back, “ADAM! That’s MINE!”

“You weren’t eating it!”

“I’ve only had it five seconds!”

“Yeah, so what’s up with him, then?” Larry pressured Adam.

Adam took another bite out of the toast as Bono sulked, buttering another piece, and shrugged, “He seemed pretty distraught about something. I couldn’t get a normal word out of him in the car. Then you got in and he wouldn’t even TALK anymore then. I hope nothing’s wrong at home.”

“…Why wouldn’t he want to talk when Larry’s around?” Bono asked curiously.

“I don’t know,” Larry shrugged, looking down at his bowl of fruit.

Bono scowled, but didn’t say anything. Larry was hiding something, but Bono wasn’t about to prod. He’d just made up with Larry. He didn’t want to tick him off again. Adam seemed unaware.

“No offense, but he’s been strange ever since he found out about you two.”

“Yeah, I know…” Larry mumbled, stuffing some pineapple in his mouth.

Bono frowned, “You don’t think he’s pissed off, do you?”

“Well, no I wouldn’t say that,” Adam replied.

“I don’t know…” Bono shook his head, “He’s been pretty cold to me these last couple days…keeps making snide remarks to me.”

“Maybe he’s jealous you got Larry,” Adam said jokingly and Larry’s eyes bulged.

                He began choking on his food, coughing loudly and banging the table with his hand. Bono leapt up and Adam immediately stopped laughing, slapping Larry on the back. Finally the food cleared his throat and Larry stared at Adam, still gasping for breath.

“What the hell would make you say THAT?” Larry croaked.

“It was a JOKE, Larry…” Adam said, worry strong on his face, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, now I am…” Larry sighed, leaning back in his seat.

“What happened?” Bono asked from next to him.

“I just…Adam caught me off guard. I thought you were serious!” Larry shook his head, pushing his fruit away.

“Larry, even I could tell he was joking,” Bono said, sitting back down across from Larry, “Get a sense of humor, for God’s sake.”

“I have one…” Larry mumbled, “I just…I don’t know. Sorry I scared you guys.”

“Yeah…you sure you’re okay?” Adam asked, handing him a glass of water.

“I’m fine,” Larry nodded, drinking some of the water.

“Anyway…” Bono muttered, eyeing Larry, “He’s been just awfully…rude, I suppose. To me anyway.”

“He’s been nice to me,” Adam said, “Although, like I said, he’s been distant. Especially yesterday. That concert…Edge was definitely trying to pretend he was alone on stage.”

Bono nodded, “I noticed that. He avoided the drum kit like the Plague. What did you do to piss him off, Larry?”

“I didn’t piss him off.”

“Seems like it.”

“We had a…little confrontation.”

“Fighting with everyone, aren’t you?”

“It wasn’t a fight. We had a talk.”

“Bout what?”

“Bono, don’t start this again. He also asked me not to tell anyone.”

Bono felt an anger rise in him, but he pushed it down, “Everyone trusts you, huh?”

“That’s…not usually. The situations have been…awkward lately,” Larry glanced at Adam and Adam swallowed his orange juice without a word.

“Just as long as it’s not life or death.”

“No, no…nothing that serious. Serious, but not that serious.”

“Alright,” Bono sighed unhappily, “I can’t force you guys to tell me things.”

“I have no clue what this Edge thing is that Larry’s on about,” Adam said, looking sideways at Larry for any signs that it might have something to do with him.

“It’s got very little to do with either of you. It’s a problem Edge and me are having.”

“If you say so,” Bono said, taking Larry’s fruit bowl and finishing it off.

“Anyway,” Adam smiled pleasantly, “We’re all going out together tonight.”

“Are we?” Bono said, surprised.

“Yes, I got us reservations at a wonderful restaurant for eight o’clock, so both of you meet me in the lobby at seven thirty. All four of us will be going if I have to drag Edge by the ear. And dress nice,” Adam said quite sternly and neither argued.

Bono grinned, “The four of us together after all the oddness and bickering going on lately? That should be interesting.”

 

___

 

                Adam pounded on the door to room 122 again, harder this time. He scowled deeply, throwing down his cigarette and crushing it into the hideous carpet along the hall. Normally he wouldn’t be so messy, but happened to think he was doing this magenta and green carpet a favor. It deserved to be burned into nothingness. He pounded again.

“C’mon Edge! You’re going whether you like it or not! You can’t avoid them forever and it’s not even anything to do with you anyway! It’s their business!”

                Edge finally ambled out of the door; his coat thrown on halfheartedly and a grim look on his chiseled face.

“You do understand I don’t want to go.”

“I’m aware, but they’re your best friends and you’re GOING,” Adam snapped, grabbing Edge’s wrist and pulling him down the hall and toward the elevator.

 

___

 

                Bono jumped with surprise as someone shoved something into his back pant pocket. Turning around to see Larry looking at him, he assumed it was Larry’s hand.

“Larry…bit blatant, don’t you think?”

“What is?” Larry shrugged, shoving his hands in his coat pockets.

Bono frowned and contorted to spy his back pocket, pulling out what Larry had shoved in them. His blue shades from the concert last night.

“I had Dallas run and get them for me. I knew you’d be upset when you realized you’d forgotten them,” Larry said softly and Bono smiled at him, “That was sweet of you.”

Larry shrugged, his cheeks reddening a bit, “No big deal.”

“…It is to me. That means you think about me even when I’m not around,” Bono insisted in a low voice, making sure no one else in the lobby heard what he was saying.

“Of course I do,” Larry muttered shyly, turning redder and trying to disappear into his leather coat.

Bono’s smile widened, “You’re blushing.”

“Shut up, Bono.”

“You’re so fucking cute.”

“I said shut up.”

“Adorable…”

“Bono…”

“Okay, okay…” Bono grinned, looking off toward the elevator, “I can imagine Adam dragging Edge by the ear right now.”

“Yeah…”

Bono glanced at Larry, “Larry…what happened with you and Edge?”

“I really can’t…I want to very badly…I need someone to talk about it with, but…I promised Edge I wouldn’t,” Larry sighed and Bono nodded, biting his lip, “I understand. You’re a loyal person.”

“I’m just trying to be the good friend I keep insisting everyone else should be. I’m not always that good at it…I think I may have hurt Edge’s feelings a lot.”

“He’ll get over it. He loves you despite all the little things.”
”…What?”

“I said he’d get over it.”

“You said he loved me…”

“Yeah, of course…you’re one of his best friends.”

“Oh, right…”

“Why, what did you think I meant?”

“I don’t know…everyone just keeps seeming to insinuate that me and Edge…”

“Ohhh…well, why would I say that? I know you aren’t…you’re with me,” Bono laughed playfully, then nodded as Adam and Edge appeared from the elevator, “I was close…he’s dragging him by his wrist, not ear. Ear would have been much funnier, though.”

Larry nodded silently and Bono sighed at him, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll be fine. It’s Edge and Adam I’m worried about.”

“Oh…they’re big boys. They can handle it. Right Adam?”

“What?” Adam mumbled, yanking Edge forward and stuffing his keys in his pocket.

“You can handle life’s turns and twists better than anyone I know!” Bono exclaimed, slinging an arm around Adam’s shoulders.

                Larry’s cheeks flared hot at Bono’s arm being on Adam. He stopped himself. What was he doing? Getting jealous? Of Adam? Larry shook his head to himself. You need to get a grip on things, he scolded himself, Adam is nothing to be jealous of and Bono’s just a very physical person. Larry didn’t like that feeling of envy sitting inside him. What was he going to do when Bono was with Ali again? It was bound to happen eventually. Was Larry going to get mad then? He knew he didn’t have a right. He had known what he was getting into and plus he was doing the same as Bono…he had Ann still. He sighed unhappily, following the other three out the hotel and to their car.

 

___

 

 

                “Well, Sparky, I must admit, you got us some choice dining area,” Bono said cheerfully as they were brought to their table by the hostess. Bono was feeling especially good today. They’d had a great concert last night. Bono had managed to make up with Larry and have one of the wildest nights of his life with him to boot. And earlier today, he’d talked to Ali on the phone for two hours and they had finally reconciled. Things were looking up. Of course, he knew that his bandmates weren’t nearly as happily peaceful as he was this night, but he thought he had a good chance of bringing up their spirits.

                Larry, on the other hand, felt pretty awful. His back was hurting again like it hadn’t done in months and he hadn’t taken any medication before leaving. He was worried sick about Edge and also pretty preoccupied about Adam’s dilemma. The only good part of all of this was he had little to worry about between himself and Bono…nothing that couldn’t at least wait till tomorrow. He carefully sat himself down on the inside of the booth, leaning his head against the wall and squeezing his eyes shut. Bono sat down next to him and frowned.

“You okay?”

“My back hurts.”

“Do you want to go home?”

“No, let’s just eat.”

“What’s wrong, Larry?” Adam asked as he sat down across from him.

Edge frowned slightly with worry at Larry as he settled down next to Adam, “Headache or something?”

“No,” Larry mumbled, avoiding eye contact with Edge, “I’m having some back pains is all.”

“Not from last night, is it?” Bono whispered to him and Larry shook his head, looking over the menu. He wasn’t sure if it was or not, but he wanted Bono to keep completely quiet about it with Edge right there. The waiter took their orders and Edge excused himself to the bathroom.

Bono and Adam started talking about something trivial; probably movies, and Larry tuned them out, nearly falling asleep right there. Everything around him seemed cloudy, muddled, except the blinding, red-hot pain that would shoot in his back every thirty seconds. Damn twinges…Larry rubbed his eyes, struggling to stay awake. He felt so tired…Larry was so out of everything that he jumped straight up in his seat when he felt a hand on his knee. He shot out of the seat, smacking his head on the Tiffany lamp hanging low over their booth. Bono chuckled and covered his mouth with his hand, trying to strangle his laughing. Adam flinched and gawked at Larry as Larry swore softly, his hand clutching the fresh sore spot on his head.

“God dammit…”

“Larry, what the…why did you jump like that?” Adam questioned, puzzled.

“I, uh…twinge in my back…made me jump from the pain…you know, pain…” Larry covered, glaring at Bono from the corner of his eye.

“Oh…are you sure you’re okay sitting here?”

“Yeah, yeah…I’m fine,” Larry nodded, slipping his hand under the table and pinching Bono’s thigh hard.

Bono gasped with pain and bit his lip. Adam eyed him suspiciously, “And what’s your problem?” Bono shrugged wordlessly, void of an excuse. Larry smiled smugly at Bono to say, “Two can play this game”. Bono turned back to Adam and nodded, “So what were we saying?”

Larry tuned out the conversation once more, but was far from surprised when he once again felt the hand rubbing his knee. He stared at Bono intently. What was he doing? If anyone saw…okay, so it was far from likely anyone, even Adam, could see what was going on under the table, but still…in a public place like this?

Larry shook his head slightly at Bono and Bono grinned at him, continuing his conversation with Adam. Larry squirmed farther away from Bono, making it look like he was shifting because of his back, but Bono only casually scooted closer, listening intently to Adam talk and unnerving Larry at the same time. Larry gasped silently as fingers slid along his inner thigh.

“…Get it, Larry?”

Larry eyes snapped toward Adam, “S-sorry, what?”

“Did you get it?”

“Get?” Larry croaked, trying to ignore Bono’s arousing caresses, “Get what?”

“That new DVD player you wanted.”

“Oh…uhh…” Larry swallowed hard, “Uh, yeah…yeah, I did.”

“How’s it work?”

“Ahem…fine, fine…”

“…I wonder what’s keeping Edge?” Adam looked toward the bathrooms and Bono shrugged, “Maybe he fell in?”

“I hope not,” Adam laughed.

“Ahhh, you know what Adam?” Larry squeaked as Bono’s hand ran over to his groin and rested there, “Our food’s taking awful long, why don’t you go find out what’s keeping them?”

“Yeah, okay…” Adam nodded, getting up, “I’ll be right back.

                As soon as Adam had walked away, Larry rounded on Bono angrily, snatching Bono’s hand away as Bono cracked up into hysterical laughter.

“What the hell is your problem?” Larry hissed, letting go of Bono’s hand, “We’re in PUBLIC.”

“Larry, don’t be such a prude,” Bono scowled, rolling his silverware out of his napkin.

“I am NOT being a prude,” Larry whispered through gritted teeth.

“You are SO being a – EDGE! Hi…how was the bathroom?”

Edge looked back and forth between the two curiously, “…Fine. Where’s Adam?”

“He went to go see what’s keeping the food.”

“Oh, right…” Edge sat down and muttered under his breath, “Heaven forbid you should get off your arse and find out yourself…”

“SEE?” Bono said in a very low voice to Larry, “Remarks like THAT.” Larry saw what he meant.

“What?” Edge asked crossly.

“Nothing, Edge.”

“Okay, food will be right up…looks like they over booked on reservations is all,” Adam said, motioning Edge to get up so he could get in the booth.

                While Adam and Edge were both looking away, Adam moving out of Edge’s way as he got out of the booth, Bono startled Larry by shoving his hand under Larry’s shirt and out the collar, waving pleasantly at Edge and Adam. Larry burst into uncontrollably loud giggles and Adam and Edge turned to him to see what was so funny. Of course by this time Bono had pulled his hand out and was innocently folding his napkin next to his plate for easy access, making it seem as though Larry was laughing at absolutely nothing. Adam raised an eyebrow at Larry and Edge rolled his eyes. The two sat back down as Bono bit his lip to avoid laughing.

                Larry stared at Bono, mouthing several obscenities at him and Bono grinned back, making a mocking kissy face at him. Larry moved as if to smack Bono before Adam cleared his throat, reminding the two that him and Edge where watching them. They looked at the other two with guilty expressions on their faces.

“What is the PROBLEM with you guys tonight?” Adam finally asked, exasperated.

“Nothing,” Larry and Bono said in unison.

                Edge scowled at Larry and Larry pulled his eyes away from Edge’s dark stare. Bono smiled and said something to Adam, starting up their conversation again. Larry stared down at his hands resting on the table, continuing his struggle not to knock out from the ache in his back. His face drew into an exhausted scowl as Bono’s hand once again made it’s way to Larry’s knee. Larry suddenly grinned politely at Bono and rammed his knee up, squashing Bono’s hand between Larry’s knee and the table. Bono let out a loud howl of pain, snatching his hand away as other diners of the restaurant gawked, and Edge and Adam jumped at the shaking of the table and Bono’s animal moaning.

“Ohhh…Bono,” Larry said with falsely innocent sympathy, “Did I hurt your hand? Whatever was it doing there?”

“I don’t know…” Bono spat between gritted teeth, rubbing his hand.

“Fettuccini Alfredo?” The waiter said as he sauntered up to the table, several platters balancing in his hands.

                Larry nodded and moved to take the plate, but he stretched too far and got a sudden tweak of pain in his lower back. His hand immediately snapped to the sore area and the plate landed in Bono’s lap, hot Alfredo sauce seeping into his pants. Bono shot up in surprise and pain.

 “That’s BLOODY HOT!” Bono screeched, using his napkin to brush noodles and sauce off his pants.

                Bono’s leaping out of the booth caused him to knock the waiter’s elbow and another one of the dishes consisting of some sort of red meat sauce, landed food first in the middle of the table, splattering Adam and Edge with sauce. Adam groaned loudly, wiping sauce off his glasses and Edge sputtered, rubbing his face with a napkin and staring down at his sauce-spotted shirt.

“BONO!” Adam wailed unhappily.

“Oops…”

“I’m so sorry Sirs!” The waiter graveled, his face draining of all color as he looked over the clothes of Bono, Edge and Adam.

“No, no…it’s not you’re fault,” Edge mumbled, “It’s Bono’s…as usual…”

“Hey, I didn’t drop hot Fettuccini Alfredo in my lap!” Bono snapped, still rubbing at his pants.

“I can’t apologize enough…” The waiter rambled, looking ready to cry.

“It’s okay…just do use a favor, huh?” Edge said, helping Adam scrape the sauce off his wire rimmed glasses.

“Yes, anything Sir…”

“Get us the check NOW.”

 

___

 

                “Okay, so the U2-get-together dinner out didn’t work as well as it could have…that’s no reason to call it a night!” Adam insisted as they walked down the hotel hallway toward their rooms.

Larry rolled his eyes, “Adam, that meal was a disaster. I’d as soon like to forget it happened.”

“I know, but…c’mon, guys. We hardly spend time together anymore…” Adam looked down at his watch and nodded, “It’s only ten thirty for Christ’s sake! How about everyone go to my room and we’ll watch some TV and talk?” Adam said, dragging Edge and Bono by the wrists, Larry dragging his feet behind the three, “Do you have any medication?”

“What kind?”

“Aleve, Tylenol…crack cocaine?” Larry muttered, following them stiffly.

Bono laughed and Adam nodded perkily, not even listening to Larry, “Yeah, sure…c’mon, let’s go!”

“Wait, what about clothes?” Bono stopped in his tracks, “Let me and Edge go change…we’re covered in food.”

“I have clothes you can borrow,” Adam continued to drag the other three toward his room.

“What? Adam, our rooms are right up the road here…” Bono mumbled, confused.

“I know, but I’ll never get you or Edge OUT of them back to my room…well, maybe if I kept Larry in my room YOU’D come back-” Adam said to Bono and Larry swallowed as Edge glared at him “-But I’ll NEVER get Edge back…you guys, it’s cool…I HAVE clothes. Look, we’re already here anyway.”

                Adam was right. Adam happily unlocked room 113 and motioned everyone in as he flipped the light switch. Larry walked in and immediately sprawled across the couch on his stomach, whimpering softly. Bono walked over to him and sat on the edge of the couch, rubbing Larry’s shoulders. Larry flinched and shrugged Bono off, motioning toward the other two with his head.

“Oh, come off it, Larry, they KNOW already,” Bono muttered unhappily, standing up.

“I don’t want to make them uncomfortable,” Larry whispered and Adam shook his head as he walked over to one of his bags, “It’s okay…you don’t bug me.”

“SEE?” Bono said with a nod.

                Bono looked to Edge for support, but Edge stared at him coldly a moment and then walked over to Adam, taking a tee shirt from him. He walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Bono frowned, taking a pair of baggy pants from Adam and changing right there.

“Edge has been so reclusive lately…and did you see the look he just gave me?” Bono complained to Larry.

“…Bono, he’s having…look, just leave him alone alright? And will you stop with all the references to us around him?” Larry sighed, sitting up slowly.

“Why? Is he still against it?”

“Sort of, yeah…so watch it huh?”

“Why should I? I have a right to do what I want with my life!”

“Bono, please…”

“No! I can do whatever the fuck I want with my love life!”

“Yeah, I agree,” Adam put in, pulling a new shirt on.

Larry scowled at Adam and then looked pleadingly at Bono, “Bono, please don’t…for me?”

Bono looked at him a moment and shrugged, “…Okay, for you…damn puppy dog eyes,” He smiled, leaning down and kissing Larry.

“Awwww,” Adam quipped, grinning as Bono gave him the finger, still kissing Larry gently.

“That’s not what you guys plan to do this whole time is it?” Edge muttered bitterly as he came out of the bathroom in fresh clothes.

Larry pulled away from Bono, his cheeks burning, and Bono grimaced, “I can do whatever-”

Larry grabbed him by the arm and shook his head silently. Bono sighed heavily, having a hard time stopping himself. But one look into Larry’s blue eyes and his rage slowly disappeared. Larry smiled slightly, laying on his side and pulling his legs up so Bono could sit next to him at the end of the couch. Bono sat down and Adam sat on the floor, leaning against the couch, remote in hand. Edge sat down on the other side of the floor near the couch, closer to Larry. He and Larry exchanged a short glance before Edge glanced away, a pained look on his face. Larry felt a bit of his heart sink, but Adam interrupted his thoughts by switching the TV on.

Adam had barely had it on more than five seconds before Bono snatched the remote, flipping the channels cheerfully with one hand as he casually leaned on Larry’s legs with the other. Any excuse to touch Larry right now was a good one, Bono thought. Larry knew Bono was just leaning on him to lean on him…Larry could tell by the glint in his eyes when he’d kissed him a moment ago that Bono was in a playful mood.

“Let’s watch HBO,” Bono said as he clicked through the channels in search of it.

“Not that we have a choice,” Adam said, stretching for the remote that was already out of his reach.

“You take my toast, I take your remote,” Bono said simply and Adam laughed, standing up to get the Aleve for Larry that he’s just remembered, “Listen to you! Still hung up over the bloody toast!”

“This remote is horrible anyway, barely working,” Bono’s brow furrowed as he tried to get it to change channels.

The channel switched and all four reacted immediately to it. Edge gasped, Bono cocked his head at it curiously, Adam giggled and Larry frowned.

“You said HBO, Bono, not PORNO!” Edge said, scowling at the screen and trying to ignore the interesting sound effects going along with the visual.

“Is that…legal? Licking that thing there, I mean…oh, my…” Larry muttered, mouth dropped at the screen.

“Only in eight of the fifty states…” Bono mumbled with a sly smile.

“You’re too young for this!” Adam joshed, covering Larry’s eyes with his hand as he watched it with increasing interest, “…Though I’m not!”

“I am NOT!” Larry chuckled, trying to pry Adam’s hand off.

“Ooooo that’s dirty!” Adam smirked naughtily and Edge glowered at Bono, “Bono, change it!”

“I’m TRYING,” Bono snapped back, pressing buttons on the remote furiously, “It won’t change!”

                Bono slapped the remote angrily and the batteries flew out of it, landing on the floor and rolling under the couch.

“Aw, Bono, we’ll never get them there!” Larry sighed, finally prying Adam’s hand loose.

“Good…” Adam grinned, staring at the TV, and Edge sighed, standing up and turning the TV off manually, “Okay, now what Adam?”

“What? Why me?”

“Coz this was your idea,” Larry replied.

“Well, I don’t know…” Adam shrugged, handing Larry an Aleve.

“I have an idea, though Larry and Edge probably won’t like it,” Bono said, tossing the useless remote on the coffee table.

“What is it?” Larry asked reluctantly, swallowing the pill dry.

“The Questions game!” Bono smiled.

“The what?” Edge frowned.

“Bono, I played that when I was fourteen,” Larry sighed.

“You got a better idea?” Adam asked and Larry sighed again, shaking his head, “Not really…”

“There ya go then,” Bono said, settling it, “Adam, get some paper and pens. And an empty bag or something to put the questions in.”

“Oh…” Edge nodded, “Is this the game where you write down anonymous questions?”

“Yeah, here’s how it works,” Bono took the paper from Adam and passed out a sheet of paper to both Larry and Edge, “You write down…let’s say two questions for every one else in the room. Then we go through them and you either answer the question or get stuck with a dare.”

“Kinda like truth or dare,” Adam nodded, handing everyone a pen.

“Pretty close, just a bit more of a choice,” Bono replied, grinning, “And watch out coz my dares are nasty.”

“Bono, EVERYTHING you do is nasty,” Larry chuckled.

“Great thing is…” Bono smiled, “I seem to be the only one in the room not hiding something lately. This should be a breeze for me!”

Edge rolled his eyes, “Just write your questions.”

                The room was silent a couple minutes as everyone wrote down their questions to each other, Larry biting his lip and Bono laughing at one his own questions at one point.

“Okay, everyone done?” Adam asked.

The others nodded and he collected the torn bits of paper, stuffing them in an empty gym bag and shaking the bag around a bit.

“First question…” Adam said, settling himself cross-legged on his bed, “Is for Larry.”

“Dammit.”

“When did you lose your virginity and who was it with?”

Larry made a face, “Are all of these gonna be sex questions?”

“Probably, now answer the man,” Bono said.

Larry sighed, “…I was twenty.”

“TWENTY!” Bono snickered and Larry scowled darkly at him, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, it’s just…TWENTY! I was fifteen!”

“Great for you.”

“Bono, if that’s one of you’re questions you’ll have to take a dare,” Adam scolded.

Bono shrugged, “Big deal.”

“Next question…” Adam reached back into the box and Edge straightened up, “No. Larry didn’t finish answering his question. It asked WHO as well.”

“He’s right,” Adam nodded, reading the paper again.

“Oh…can I take half a dare?” Larry asked.

“No,” Adam laughed.

“I really don’t wa-” Larry paused as Bono gave him a look and relented, “I’ll say this much…it wasn’t Ann.”

“Yeah, right!” Adam scoffed.

“I’m telling you the truth,” Larry insisted, “On the October Tour.”

“Was it Bono?” Edge asked, only half serious.

“Unfortunately, no,” Bono said, not looking away from Larry, “Do you remember who it was?”

“Of course I do.”

“Are you gonna tell us?”

“No.”

“I’m surprised,” Adam said softly, “Not only was that that intense period with you and religion, but you always seemed to be so serious about the thought of sex and love, you know?”

“I am,” Larry muttered, “We all still make mistakes…I think I was just lonely. And despite my religious beliefs, there was some stuff even then I didn’t agree with…”

“Oh…well, it’s not big deal, Larry…” Adam brightened a bit, trying to pick things up, and dug back into the bag, “Okay…the question is for…me. Oh. What was Naomi like in bed?” Adam made a face and looked around at the other three, “I’m starting to agree with Larry, these ARE all sex questions…”

“Onward, Clayton,” Bono said and Adam rolled his eyes, “She was okay. Not great, just okay. NEXT…”

“Lemme pull one,” Bono said and Adam tossed him the bag.

He looked down at the paper he pulled, “Edge. What has been wrong with you lately?”

Edge’s eyes shot to Larry quickly, and then back at Bono. He shook his head, “No way…dare.”

Bono shrugged, “Okay…can’t say I didn’t warn you…Go over to the bar there and take a nice, frosty ice cube and…”

“Noooo,” Edge moaned, “Not that!”

“Wanna answer the question?”

                Edge muttered, disgruntled, and got up, walking over to the bar. He opened the small freezer/refrigerator and stood in front of it a moment, his back to the others. Adam laughed when Edge gasped loudly, stretching on his toes, trying to squirm, and slowly and very unhappily sat back down by the bed. He hissed softly as he sat down.

“Dammit, this is COLD…” He complained, looking down at his crouch area.

“Your problem, not mine…you could have answered the question,” Bono pointed out.

“No I couldn’t,” Edge said under his breath and Larry looked away.

“Let Edge pull one then,” Adam said and Bono threw the bag to him.

Edge dug out a slip of paper, “This is for Larry…” he frowned at it a second, then read it out loud, “Larry, where did you and Bono make up yesterday? What’s this about?”

Larry face drained of color and he glowered at Adam as he grinned, “ADAM!”

Bono laughed and Adam shrugged, “How do you know it was me?”

“Because I was there and Edge doesn’t know what we’re talking about, dumb arse,” Bono chuckled and Larry scowled. He definitely didn’t want to do a dare. He knew Bono would probably have him do something really dirty and he didn’t want to do that, especially not here.

“…A storage closet at the venue last night,” Larry mumbled, looking down at his feet.

Adam burst into a fit of laughter as Bono grinned mischievously. Edge’s face darkened. Apparently he now understood what the question had meant.

“Proud of that aren’t you?” Edge said to Bono and Bono stared back at him, “Proud? Why Edge, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were jealous. Isn’t Morleigh taking care of you?”

“BONO!” Larry snapped and Edge’s face turned to anger, “Well, we KNOW Ali isn’t taking care of you, you had to run to a fucking guy.”

Larry stared at Edge, “EDGE…KNOCK-IT-OFF.”

                Edge looked away and Larry prodded Bono with his leg. Bono looked at Larry. His shoulders sunk and he nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry I…said that, Edge.”

“…I’m sorry to you and Larry…I’m just…sorry,” Edge replied softly.

Larry shared a worried glance with Adam and then motioned to Edge, “Let me pick one.”

Edge tossed Larry the bag and he pulled one out, scowling at it, “Whoever did this one is getting their arse kicked.”

“Why? What’s it say?” Adam asked and Larry read it, “Bono…what is it about Larry that you love?”

Bono smiled weakly, “That’s a tough question.”

Larry feigned an offended look, “Gee, thanks.”

“No, I mean, there’s so much,” Bono corrected with a grin that made Larry wonder if that really was what he meant, “…It’s your compassion, your selflessness, your steadiness, your caring, mother-like quality…your willingness to bend just to make other people happy…the thought that even if the world caved in, I could still depend on you. The ways you make me feel…SAFE. Like…” Bono paused, unsure it would come out right, “…Like just as long as I’m with you, NOTHING can…” He stopped again, “…It’s the thought that I KNOW you would never do anything to hurt me on purpose and…that you wouldn’t let ANYONE else hurt me. And if everyone left me today, all my friends and family, you’d be there for me no matter what. It’s almost an invincible feeling…sometimes I forget that you can’t keep the world out coz it feels like you can…then something from the real world comes out and smacks me and…you change your feelings a little and I’m used to you being stable and…” Bono sighed, realizing he’d said way too much, “It’s just a good feeling being with you, as a friend or otherwise.”

A smile twitched at the corner of Larry’s mouth and he silently passed the bag to Bono. Bono, for a change the one a bit red in the cheeks, pulled out a piece of paper.

“Another one for Adam. Adam, if there were one man you could be with, who would it be?”

Adam stared at Larry and Larry laughed, “I didn’t do it!”

“ANONYMUS, stupid!” Bono snapped, slapping Larry’s arm, “You’re not supposed to TELL who did it!”

“Well, Adam?” Larry said.

Adam licked his lips and shook his head, “Dare.”

“Okay, I dare you to…” Larry smiled at Edge, “Kiss Edge.”

Adam turned a brilliant shade of scarlet, “I…couldn’t! I mean…”

“You gonna answer the question then?” Bono asked and Adam bit his lip, “No.”

“Then kiss Edge…it’s not like you haven’t before,” Bono shrugged.

 “Ah,” Larry nodded, “Let me reiterate, then, thank you Bono…FRENCH kiss Edge.”

Adam swallowed and looked over at Edge timidly, “I…well, Edge has to agree to it.”

Edge scrunched his shoulders, “I don’t care…why not?”

                Adam wasn’t expecting Edge to agree. Larry couldn’t remember Adam looking so nervous since the first gig for PopMart. Adam grudgingly got up and sat down next to Edge. They eyed each other a minute and it took a jab from Larry in the ribs for Bono to hold in his laughter.

“Adam looks like a frightened child,” Bono whispered and Adam scowled, “Shut up, Bono.”

“A frightened child with good hearing…”

“BONO!”

“Sorry…”

“…Did you say French kiss?”

“Yup,” Larry nodded.

Adam looked at Edge, “You SURE this doesn’t…?”

“It will if you keep asking,” Edge sighed.

                Adam nodded, not in response, but more to steady himself. He threw one more “I’m-going-to-get-you-for-this” look at Larry and leaned forward. He lips brushed Edge’s and they both pulled away, Adam flushing and Edge looking a bit confused. Bono booed and hissed.

“I said FRENCH kiss,” Larry protested, “That wasn’t even a kiss!”

                Edge sighed, annoyed, and grabbed Adam by the back of the neck, pulling him into a full-on French kiss. Adam went rigid, but easily loosened up and the kiss went on a bit longer than it needed to. Edge pulled away, a bit breathless and more than slightly surprised at Adam’s instant receptiveness. Adam smiled shyly, going back to the bed and taking the bag from Larry on his way.

“Okay, I pull again…this one’s for…Larry!”

“God dammit!”

“Okay, the question is…who was the first male you were attracted to?”

Larry hesitated, “…Dare?”

“Aw, c’mon Larry, it’s a simple enough question and you won’t do any dare we suggest anyway.”

“Alright, alright…when I first met Bono…that was the first time I fancied a guy.”

“There,” Adam nodded, “Was that so hard? The answer I figured anyway.”

Larry sighed, avoiding Bono’s glance for some reason. Bono frowned, “…You know what guys…it’s uh…getting kinda late…why don’t we call it a night? Finish this tomorrow night or on the plane ride the next day?”

Adam yawned and nodded, “Okay…this was kinda nice, though. Just us four hanging out again.”

“Yeah, we’ll have to do it more often,” Larry said, standing up and giving Adam a halfhearted wave. He wasn’t tired, but if they played this game anymore tonight Larry thought he might crawl under the couch along next to those batteries. Bono got up with him and Edge soon followed.

Once outside Adam’s room, Edge mumbled a good night and walked the short distance to his room, shutting the door. Bono and Larry walked down the dim, quiet hall together to their rooms, which were practically right across from one another, but quite a ways down from Adam’s. They didn’t say anything to each other, walking silently in perfect stride. Without a word, Bono reached over and held Larry’s hand as they walked. Larry didn’t bother to pull away. It was almost one in the morning and he was doubtful anyone in the sleepy hotel was awake. Besides, he didn’t WANT to pull his hand away. He wished they could walk forever, just like that, hand-in-hand. Like Bono had said, they just felt SAFE together…invincible. For that brief moment, the only people that existed in the world were Bono and he.

Larry’s room came up far too quick for Larry’s liking, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He didn’t want to leave Bono, but for some reason he was just too shy to invite him in. The thought that they would both know damn well what they would do if Bono did come in…Larry had always been shy, even if this was Bono.

Bono let go of his hand reluctantly and Larry pulled his key out of his pocket, sticking it in the lock. Bono licked his lips and looked curiously at Larry.

“Hey, Larry?”

“Yeah?”

“…How come you didn’t want to answer that question about the first guy you were attracted to?”

“I just didn’t.”

“Oh…okay…did you lie when you answered?”

Larry smiled slightly, “No…that’s why I didn’t want to answer.”

Bono didn’t quite get what he meant by that, but he nodded anyway. Larry opened his door and moved to go inside, but Bono stopped him again, grabbing his wrist.

“Larry?” He said in a low whisper.

“What, Bono?”

“…I love you.”

Larry smiled before stepping into his room, “I know you do.”

 

___

 

 

                Larry riffled through his CDs, trying to find something to listen to while he read. He’d pretty much exhausted most of his CD collection. He pulled out The Batman Forever Soundtrack and grinned. He hadn’t listen to this in quite sometime, mostly coz he didn’t listen to any U2 songs besides the new ones anymore than he had to. Rehearsals always caused the members to get extremely sick of listening to older stuff just to remember how to play them, but this CD would do.

                He sat down on the couch, popping the CD in his portable CD player and putting the headphones on. Larry had just barely pressed play before he heard a knock on the door. Larry’s face lit up. It was Bono…he didn’t even wait ten minutes before coming back to Larry’s room. Larry stood up, taking the headphones off and pulling them out of the CD player, filling the room with ‘Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me’.

                He hardly had the door open before Bono was pushing him back toward the bed, pulling him into a kiss at the same time. He kicked the door closed and locked it quickly. He pulled away from Larry, his eyes flashing.

“Did you plan this, Mullen?” Bono asked in a raspy voice, referring to the music, and Larry shook his head, grinning, “No, but I do plan to have you making the same noises here that you make at the end of this song.”

“Oh, yeah?” Bono growled, pushing Larry back on the bed and climbing on top of him, “I was thinking of you when I made those in the first place…”

“Really?” Larry said, surprised.

“Not really, but for the sake of charming you, yes,” Bono smirked.

                Larry laughed, pulling Bono’s shirt over his head. Bono raised his eyebrow at him and Larry smiled.

“That eyebrow thing…damn!”

“What’s wrong with my eyebrow?” Bono chuckled.

“It looks really…when you raise it…what’s the word?”

“Hot?” Bono kissed him, “Sexy?” Another kiss, “Gorgeous?”

“Yeah…” Larry nodded, laying back as Bono unbuttoned his shirt.

Bono snickered, “Well, which one?”

“They all mean the same, don’t they?” Larry looked down and rolled his eyes as Bono fumbled with the buttons, “Bono…honestly, now you can’t even work buttons?”

Bono scowled at the shirt and finally tore it right off. Larry gasped loudly, “Bono, you TORE it!” Bono raised his eyebrow purposefully at Larry and Larry shrugged, yanking Bono into another kiss, yearning for the taste of Bono’s lips on his tongue, “Fuck it, I can buy another…”

Bono pulled at the zipper of Larry’s jeans, kicking off his shoes at the same time. He shifted, trying to get off Larry’s leg and Larry cried out loudly in pain. Bono sprung up.

“I’m sorry!”

Larry gritted his teeth, “…Back…”

“What?”

“MY BACK!” Larry yelled loudly and Bono nodded, “Right, sorry…what can I do?”

“Pain killers,” Larry moaned, rolling over on his stomach, “On the dresser…white bottle.”

                Bono nodded frantically, racing over to the dresser and coming back with the bottle in hand. Larry held up two fingers to signify he needed two pills and Bono took them out, handing them to him. Larry swallowed them dry, Bono hovering worriedly over him.

“Ow,” Larry sighed, breathing heavily.

Bono sat down next to him on the bed, “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine…these pills…don’t take long to kick in. Bloody twinges…”

“Where does it hurt exactly?” Bono asked, glancing over Larry’s naked back.

“By the protruding disc, where else? It’s right…around here,” Larry motioned with his hand and grimaced.

Bono nodded slowly, “Move your hand…let me see.”

                Larry pulled his hand away and Bono gently began to rub the sore spot. Larry let out a loud gasp and Bono stopped.

“I’m sorry.”

“No…that’s good.”

“Oh…?”

                Bono helped him lay all the way down on the bed and went back to carefully kneading the sore muscle, Larry cringing the whole time. Bono frowned, “Does this hurt?”

“A little, but keeping doing it,” Larry grunted.

“Is it starting to feel better?”

“A little.”

Bono leaned down and kissed the tender area, “How’s it feel now?”

“…Much better,” Larry nodded, a chill running through him.

“Yeah?” Bono mumbled, running his finger along Larry’s shoulder blade, “You’ve got goose bumps.”

Larry shoved his face into the bed spread, nodding silently. Bono brushed his lips across the back of Larry’s neck and Larry twisted his neck to look at him the best he could.

“How’s your back?” Bono whispered in his ear.

“What back?” Larry muttered with a grin as Bono ran his hand up and down Larry’s side.

Bono laughed and rubbed the sore spot a bit more. Larry pulled his arms under his chin and rested it there, sighing.

“Bono…?”

“Yes, Love?”

Larry paused. He was used to hearing Bono calling Ali that.

“What are we doing?”

“Well, it looks like you’re back is out and I’m trying to make you better…all of you.”

“I know, but…what are we doing together? I know you’re never going to leave Ali and-”

Bono stopped rubbing and looked at him, “You want me to leave Ali?”

“No, that’s not what I meant…what I mean is that we can never have more than this, even if we didn’t have partners. Being in U2…we couldn’t admit what we are.”

“What more do you want?”

“…I wanted to get married sometime in my life.”

“To me?” Bono laughed and Larry frowned, “No, not that…I mean…well, it’d be nice if I could just…I don’t know. What I’m trying to say is what are we doing together? We can’t have anymore than a secret relationship and I’m betting it won’t stay secret forever. Few secrets do. And what is Ali gonna do when you tell her?”

Bono scowled, “She’ll understand.”

“Bono…c’mon! I mean, how would you feel if Ali confessed to you that she was sleeping with a female friend?” Larry pointed out.

Bono grinned and Larry rolled his eyes, “Bad analogy.”

“My wife and another woman? SERIOUSLY? I’d be thrilled!” Bono laughed and Larry nodded, “I SAID bad analogy, didn’t I?”

“Larry…she’s going to understand. You have a very basic thing that she can’t give me.”

“Yeah, like…?”

“…A penis?” Bono quipped, “No, really…that and…well…fulltime companionship on the road. She can’t give me that. Now, there’s a big difference between me sleeping with some female groupie and sleeping with my best male friend and bandmate who I’ve known longer than I’ve known her and also whom she’s believed I’ve had a crush on for years.”

“What?”

“She’s known better than I have, I guess. She always used to tease me about you.”

“Yeah, but you’re way more flirty with Edge and Adam…at least, you used to be.”

“There’s your clue. I didn’t throw the charm on you, or didn’t you notice? I didn’t with Ali either. I know you guys are too logical to fall for that shit. I can’t believe I didn’t realize that the way I treated Ali when we first started dating was the same way I’ve been treating you since I’ve known you. I treat those I love in that way differently than those I just love. Not necessarily better, but…a little more careful, cautious. There’s a crazy kind of respect I have for you and Ali that I don’t have for anyone else.”

“…How long have we been ignoring this?” Larry thought out loud.

Bono shrugged, “…Probably quite some time…when we used to share a room in the early days…”

Larry laughed into the bed, “Are you trying to tell me all those times I changed in front of you, you were WATCHING?”

Bono grinned and poked Larry’s side with a finger, “And you didn’t?”

“Well…” Larry smiled, “Yeah, but…I trusted that you were a girl kinda guy.”

“I did the same for you…” Bono pointed out, “I’m not sure what could be considered just curiosity and a genuine interest, but…I guess when it comes to a point when you want to do more than just LOOK…”

“…And when DID you want to do more than just look?”

Bono paused, “I’m not sure there was an exact moment…probably sometime around…I don’t know, maybe War. We were pretty close during that tour.”

Larry sat up carefully, “Yeah…I remember the exact moment though, for me.”

“When was that?” Bono asked, leaning back on the bed.

“I think it was during that time between Rattle And Hum and when we went into the studio for Achtung Baby. We always used to go out on our motorcycles late at night around Los Angeles?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“That one night we did it, we got back around three in the morning and we had just spent the whole day together…I was pulling my bike into that little shitty garage you had at that horrible apartment building where you rented out some crap apartment…” Bono smiled and Larry nodded, “Yeah, that shithole. That place gave me the creeps, but you loved it for some Goddamn reason…anyway, you’d already gotten your bike in and came back out to help me walk mine into the garage…and when we pulled it in, it was pitch dark in there and I tripped on something…”

“You rammed right into me,” Bono nodded, remembering.

“Yeah, knocked us both clear to the floor and I scraped my hand up,” Larry looked down at his right hand, as if the scrape was still there, “And it was the first time I’d really…I don’t know. I mean I was RIGHT on top of you and…the thought just came into my mind of how incredible it would be to just do it right there in that dirty, dark garage. I must have been crazy.”

“And you pulled off me in a hurry, I remember,” Bono said softly, “You weren’t crazy, Larry.”

“I know that now, but at the time I felt like I was. I was really…ashamed with myself. I felt like you knew and were ashamed of me too. But then you helped me up, gave me your hand, and even when I was standing you didn’t let go. Kinda just held onto my hand for a minute in the blackness. I tried to forget it, but it had always kinda bugged me. I wondered if you felt the same.”

Bono sat up, “Bugged you?”

“Yeah…” Larry nodded slowly, his eyes locked with Bono’s.

Bono leaned forward and brushed his lips across Larry’s, “Does it still bug you?”

“No, I know now that you did feel the same…the only thing that bugs me is we didn’t give into this sooner,” Larry muttered.

“Fine time for us to go through an identity crisis, huh? Forty-one and thirty-nine fucking years old and NOW we question our sexuality,” Bono laughed, “Especially since we were just starting to settle our lives down.”

“Yeah, but…I won’t ever regret this,” Larry said distantly and Bono slid closer to him, “Neither will I.”

“There’s just one thing that bothers me,” Larry said quietly.

“What?”

“Well, a couple things…what happens when we go home?”

“We live right down the road from each other.”

“I know, but so do Ali and Ann and our kids.”

“…Larry, we’ll just have to make some singer/drummer time.”

Larry smiled a little, “Okay…but then there’s this thing of how this all started. You got in a fight with Ali, I already wasn’t, and still aren’t now that I think about it, on the best terms with Ann and…we came out of that. That’s not the best way to start a relationship.”

“No, but for two guys who were determined to ignore their feelings for each other, I’d say it was the only way.”

Larry scowled at Bono and he sighed, “Larry, what I mean is…we’re never going to have a normal relationship. Our situation has never and will never be normal. We’re a fucked up case. But I happen to think we can be happily fucked up. I’m not about to stop being with you because there’s a chance of things going wrong and me getting hurt. ALL relationships have a chance of going wrong and someone getting hurt, that’s life. Yes, the risk factor is higher here, but shit if it isn’t WORTH it. There’s nothing I or you or Ali or Edge can do about my feelings for you! I can’t change the way I feel for you. My love for you is stronger than anything that could come between us.”

Larry looked sideways at him, “…Did you mean it earlier when you said you loved me?”

“Of course.”

“I thought you were joking.”

“Why would I joke about that?”

“I don’t know…” Larry shrugged, smiling, “How much?”

“How much what?”

“How much do you love me?”

“…A LOT.”

“Yeah? Show me.”

Bono raised an eyebrow, “And how shall I do that?”

“Use your imagination.”

Bono smiled a moment then opened his arms wide, “I love you this much!” He said in the voice he usually saved for Little Evie or Elijah.

Larry laughed, pushing him, “Dammit, you’re hopeless.”

Bono chuckled, “What did you expect me to do? Something like this?”

                He leaned forward and kissed Larry gently, his tongue sliding in Larry’s mouth. Larry lay back on the bed, pulling Bono with him. He smiled as Bono ended their kiss. Just being with him…Larry felt genuine JOY. He hadn’t been this happy in a long while and it felt wonderful. He couldn’t not feel the same as Bono. This love…he had to give into it all. It was simply too powerful, too bright and persistent for him to ignore.

“Bono?”

“Mmm?” Bono murmured, kissing Larry’s neck.

“…I love you too.”

 

___

 

                Larry woke up slowly, knowing before he even opened his eyes that Bono was gone. He sat up carefully, happy to notice that his back wasn’t hurting. Larry looked around the room, frowning.

“Bono?”

No answer.

                Larry sighed. Why hadn’t Bono just stayed until he’d woken up at least? He didn’t know why, but it really bothered him. It felt almost like a one-night stand, where you woke up and the person was already gone, their name and the night forgotten. Of course that wasn’t really the case, Larry knew that, but it was still an unsettling thought. He didn’t want his and Bono’s relationship to whittle down to just sex.

                Larry got out of bed, pushing those thoughts from his mind and walked into the bathroom. He decided he just needed a cold shower and everything would feel a lot better.

 

___

 

                Adam dug through his bags, looking for that book he’d been reading. He hadn’t seen it in two days and figured he’d either lost it or Bono had stolen it without telling him. He figured the latter, but it was best to look first. He opened another suitcase and riffled through it, hoping he might come across it because he was out of places to look. Adam pulled some clothes out of it and shoved out a book. However, it wasn’t the one he was looking for…it was a small photo book of pictures taken over the last three years, stuffed with birthday photos and anniversary photos and tour party photos and…

                Adam opened it up, settling himself cross-legged on the floor, and began to riffle through the pictures. He laughed at a photo of him and Larry dancing together at Bono’s birthday party last year, Larry concentrating austerely on leading Adam around and Adam smiling ruefully as he tried to keep Larry from stepping on his feet. He flipped to another picture. Ali and Bono snuggling closely at a table at the same party, Bono with his arm casually around Ali. The picture almost looked foreign to Adam now, after seeing Bono and Larry together so often recently. He continued to the next picture, a picture of Larry and Bono holding their drinks up toward the camera, Larry sitting in Ali’s place and Bono’s arm also casually slung across Larry’s shoulders much like it had been in the last picture with Ali.

“These photos are more ironic than Zoo TV,” Adam mumbled with a dry smirk. Just the looks on their faces…Adam didn’t know why he hadn’t seen the recent occurrences between the two coming. Then again, no one could have known. Bono and Larry didn’t even know at the time. He wondered if all four of them were better off back then. He looked at Larry, his bright, toothy smile, and simply couldn’t tell. Larry’s smile was the same now. The glint in his eyes and the tone of his voice had probably changed, but underneath that he still had that smile. Bono made him happy, even then. Adam understood. Edge made him feel the same way. When Bono had talked about the world disappearing when he was with Larry, Adam had completely known the feeling. Anytime he was hanging out with Edge, was just around Edge, watching him play and lose himself in the music or just being EDGE…the quiet guy with a lot to say who hardly ever said any of it…something about that that Adam didn’t understand but desperately wanted to led him to admire and eventually fall in love with Edge. His gentleness about everything…

Adam turned to the next picture and sighed. A picture of him and Edge, Edge bumming his cigarette as Adam sipped some of Edge’s drink, both of them smiling happily and Edge holding up his free hand to the camera in what was probably a wave. He looked so…

Adam’s head snapped up at a knock on his door and he quickly shoved the photo book back in his bag and got up to answer it.

“Hi, Adam,” Bono smiled at him from the doorway.

“Come on in,” Adam motioned Bono past him.

                Bono sat down on the couch. Adam lit a cigarette and sat down next to him, turning the TV on by the remote.

“Found the batteries for the remote, I see,” Bono grinned.

Adam smiled slightly, “Yeah, I had to move the couch just to get to the bleedin’ things.”

“So how have you been lately?” Bono asked, a nervous twinge in his voice.

“Fine, I guess…”

Bono gave Adam a hurt look and Adam sighed, “What do you what me say, Bono?”

“I want you to tell me what’s wrong. I want to know why you trust Larry more than you trust me. I’m your friend too,” Bono said.

Adam nodded slowly, looking down at the cigarette in his hand, “It’s a bit unbelievable…all of this.”

“Me and Larry, you mean?”

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“What’s up, Adam?”

“It’s not I don’t trust you, Bono…it’s just…”

“…Is it Edge?”

Adam looked at Bono, “Larry told you?”

“No…I was guessing…that kiss the other night kinda gave it away, I think,” Bono replied.

“Do you think Edge has figured it out?”

“Edge doesn’t know?” Bono asked, surprised.

“No.”

“I thought he did.”

“What made you think that?”

“…I thought that was what was upsetting him.”

“I don’t know what’s upsetting him or Larry,” Adam shrugged and Bono smiled kindly at him, “Are you gonna tell him?”

“No. He said he’s not into that stuff.”

“You don’t think that kiss changed his mind? It looked pretty good from my point of view,” Bono pointed out.

“You know…I think I will tell him, but I want to talk to Larry first. He knows what’s up with Edge and he can tell me whether this is bad time for all this or not,” Adam nodded.

“Adam, if he’s not into you…what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know…God, I don’t know. That’ll make everything pretty awkward won’t it?”

“That’s what I’m worrying.”

“Well, how did you tell Larry? Or did he tell you?”

Bono shook his head, “I didn’t really tell him…I just went out a kissed him. He was really shocked at first, but the next day…”

“Yeah…?”

“The next day we were making out in his dressing room,” Bono said with an astonished laugh at the memory, “And the day after that…well, you know.”

“What do you think Edge would do if I did something like that?”

“I don’t know…I mean, you wouldn’t think Larry would react the way he did, now would you?”

Adam made a face, “Definitely not.”

“It just proves to show, Adam,” Bono grinned, putting a hand on his shoulder, “We still have a lot to learn about each other…I’m gonna go see Larry. You okay?”

“Yeah…thanks Bono. What’d you come in here for?”

“Oh right!” Bono nodded, pulling a book out of his jacket pocket, “To give you this.”

Adam laughed, “I figured you stole it.”

“I don’t steal, I permanently borrow…and look, I’m STILL giving you it back,” Bono said as if he were being generous.

“Oh, how wonderful of you. You’re such a great guy,” Adam said sarcastically and Bono pointed at him as he got up to leave, “And don’t you forget it, buddy.”

 

___

 

                “There you are!” Larry exclaimed as Bono came toward him down the hallway. Bono didn’t say a word to him, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him back to his room.

“Hey! Bono…will you – BONO! Where are…where are we GOING?”

“Your room. We need to talk,” Bono mumbled, pulling Larry into the room, “What’s wrong with Edge?”

“Bono, I CAN-”

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH EDGE? Do you know what Adam’s going through? HUH? How would like it if you felt this way about me and I didn’t know? Had no clue if I felt the same? I know you’re trying to be a friend to Edge, but what about Adam?”

Larry shook his head, pulling his arm out of Bono’s grasp, “I PROMISED…”

“…Why do I have a feeling this has to do with me? Why do I have the feeling that you KNOW you should be telling me but are too afraid to?” Bono said, a desperate tone in his voice.

Larry bit his lip and Bono lowered his voice, pulling Larry over to him by the wrist, “I need to know, don’t I?”

Larry’s eyes squeezed shut and nodded, “Yeah.”

“What is it, Larry? You can tell me.”

“Bono…God, everything is so fucked up,” Larry moaned softly, letting Bono pull him into his arms, “It’s okay Larry. I’m here for you.”

“…Edge…God, I just can’t say it,” Larry spat, moving out of Bono’s gasp, “I should have told you when it happened…”

“When WHAT happened, Larry? C’mon, don’t leave me in the dark like this.”

“I…Edge kissed me,” Larry said softly, sitting down on the couch.

“…HE WHAT?”

“He says he’s in love with me…what am I gonna do, Bono?”

“How could you kiss him?” Bono asked, shocked.

“I didn’t, he kissed me! I told him to stop because I love you!” Larry insisted.

                Bono was silent a moment. Of all the things, this was not what he expected. Maybe home problems or problems with Bono and Larry…well; Bono supposed he DID have problems with Bono and Larry.

“Larry…did he want you to…leave me?”

“He never said anything like that even if he does want me too,” Larry replied.

“…That’s why he’s been so unhappy…he’s going through the same thing as Adam only worse…he was rebuffed,” Bono sighed, sitting down next to Larry, “Are you okay?”

“I’m been a total wreck from it all if that’s your definition of okay. I hurt him…I never wanted to hurt anyone,” Larry mumbled, blinking away tears.

Bono put an arm around Larry’s shoulders, “Larry, you have to talk to him.”

“I know…I know. But what am I going to say? What can I possibly do to make this better?”

“Just be there for him. Be a friend…that’s all you can do. It’s not your fault,” Bono reassured him, giving him a peck on the cheek.

“If it’s not my fault why do I feel guilty?” Larry muttered miserably.

“Because you care so much,” Bono replied gently, kissing Larry.

                Larry relented, not seeing that the door to his room was open and probably not caring if he had. He and Bono were unaware that someone had accidentally run across their whole conversation from outside their door. They also didn’t know that someone was Adam.

 

___

 

                That night, Larry paced back and forth in front of the phone, unsure if he could force himself to do it. We’re leaving for New Jersey tomorrow and it’s been over four days, he told himself. You have to call, if not for Ann, for your kids. Ann would be furious with him when he called, he knew, because he hadn’t called in so long. With everything going on, he’d half forgotten and half avoided it. He wasn’t sure if he was going to tell Ann about him and Bono or not. She probably wouldn’t like it, he knew that much, but he wasn’t real sure what her exact reaction would be. Either she was going to leave him or accept it. Thinking about it now, he doubted she would accept it…no, it didn’t matter. No more stalling.

Larry picked up the phone, pulling the phone card out of his back pocket. He dialed in all the proper numbers and waited as it rang. Finally, after five rings, Ann picked up.

“Hello?”

“Ann?”

“…Larry? Nice of you to finally call.”

“I’m sorry…everything’s been really hectic.”

“I’m sure it has.”

“Ann, please don’t…”

“Look, you want to talk to the children?”

“I wanted to talk to you too.”

“I’m heading out to shop.”

“Oh…who’s there to watch the children?”

“My mother.”

“Oh, tell her I said hi…can you just chat for a minute? I think we need to talk.”

“After four days, I don’t think there’s much to say.”

“Ann…I know you didn’t want me to go this time…”

“You’re missing your children growing up, Larry. That’s your problem, not mine.”

“I know, but…can’t you understand I have to do this to be happy?”

“All I understand right now is why Aislinn got sick of Edge doing the same thing to her.”

Larry squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head, “Ann, don’t say that.”

“I don’t know what you expect from me, Larry. You left even though I asked you not to. The band is more important to you than I am, I see this now.”

“No, ANN…I can’t believe you want me to choose. You know I can’t do that.”

“So who were you so busy with this time Larry?”

“I…”

“Oh, so there was someone?”

“I thought we had an agreement,” Larry snapped impatiently.

“You’re right we do. I think I’ll go find a date, can I call you back?”

“Ann, DON’T DO THIS.”

“YOU’RE the one who left me behind, Larry, not the other way around, let’s get this straight.”

“I didn’t LEAVE you behind! I’m coming back for God’s sake!”

“So who is she?”

“What?”

“This girl. I know you’ve been with someone, Larry. It’s the only time you go more than two days without calling me.”

“I thought we also agreed we wouldn’t TALK about it with each other.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can be in a relationship like this Larry. The kids keep me…”

“Are you saying that you’re staying with me for the children?” Larry asked, shocked.

“No, I…Larry, I love you, but the way you’ve acted this past year…I don’t understand.”

“What’s not to understand? What’s different this time from any other time I’ve gone on tour?”

“I don’t know, it just IS…look, I gotta go…Ava’s crying for some reason.”

“Can I talk to Aaron at least?”

“He’s not here.”

“Well, where the hell is he?”

“At a friend’s.”

“…Fine.”

                Larry slammed the phone, angry tears running down his cheeks. He hadn’t even told her the worst of it and they had fought. She was already thinking of leaving…if he told her about him and Bono…she would most definitely leave him. What was he going to do? There was no way in hell he was going to tell her now. It would just have to wait until things settled down when he was home for break before the European leg. The worst part was he hadn’t even gotten to speak with his children.

                A tap came at his door. Larry didn’t answer it, his head in his hands, and it came again. Larry chose to continue ignoring it, but the door opened anyway and Bono popped his head in.

“Hey, I was knocking, why didn’t you…” Bono trailed off when Larry looked up at him. He took one look at the wet streaks and pained look on Larry’s face and rushed forward, shutting the door behind him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked with concern, kneeling down in front of Larry and wiping his tears away with a finger.

“I just talked to Ann,” Larry mumbled.

“…What happened? Did you tell her about us?” Bono asked worriedly.

“I didn’t even get a chance. She just went OFF on me,” Larry sighed, wiping away fresh tears, “She didn’t even LISTEN…she knows I’m sleeping with someone else but I didn’t tell her who. She thinks it’s another girl.”

Bono looked as though he didn’t know what to say and Larry shook his head, brimming with anger and frustration, “I don’t know if she just doesn’t care or what, but…God, I can’t DO this anymore, you know?”

                Larry broke down into silent sobs, his shoulders heaving slightly and Bono wanted to cry as well. He felt like it was his entire fault. He knew it probably wasn’t, but he still felt like it was. He leaned forward and pulled Larry into a hug, rubbing his back reassuringly. He broke the hug and touched Larry on the chin, pulling his eyes to meet his own.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Bono admitted sadly.

Larry didn’t reply and Bono ran a hand through Larry’s hair, “All I can say, I think, is what I know, what’s the truth. And that is that I love you. I would do anything for you,” Bono rubbed away another tear off Larry’s cheek and sighed, “If there was anything I could do to take away your pain…”

“There is.”

“What?”

Larry leaned forward slowly, his eyes still locked with Bono’s. “Sleep with me…right now, please,” Larry said so softly Bono could barely hear him.

“Larry…I don’t know if we should. I think you need to just-”

“If you love me, if you want me to feel better…” Larry whispered, “Please sleep with me. I need someone right now. Please don’t leave me by myself…I’m not stable; I’m a wreck. I feel so alone…I need you, please…” Larry begged gently, kissing Bono.

Bono neither pulled away, nor returned the kiss, “Larry, having sex with me won’t make you feel better.”

“Yes, it will.”

“I’m telling you it won’t.”

“And I’m telling you it will. Please…I swear; I’ll never be like this…ASK you like this ever again. Just please…”

Bono closed his eyes. He couldn’t stand to see Larry like this any longer. “…Okay.”

Larry leaned forward again, bringing his lips to Bono’s and sliding his tongue in Bono’s mouth. Bono’s eyes didn’t open, but shut more tightly closed as he ran a hand down from Larry’s shoulder, over his shirt and down his arm to his hand, which he clutched tightly. Larry finally ended the kiss, gradually pulling away.

“I love you.”

Bono sighed, “…I know you do, Larry. And you know I’ll always love you.”

“I was blind for so long…you were always here for me,” Larry said vaguely and Bono nodded, “I always will be.”

“You’re too good for me,” Larry muttered, pulling Bono’s leather jacket off.

Bono slowly unbuttoned Larry’s shirt, kissing him at the same time. He slid his hands around Larry’s sides from under the open shirt. Larry pulled him closer, kissing him with a hunger Bono had never felt from him before. Bono pulled away shaking his head.

“There’s something not right about this, Larry…you’re upset right now. I think I should leave you alone and let you calm down.”

“You’re the only thing that’s going to make me calm right now,” Larry insisted, “Please don’t leave me like this…”

“I won’t leave you, but…”

Larry ran his thumb along Bono’s lip, stopping him in midsentence, “…Please.” 

                Bono looked down at the floor for a moment, unsure what to do. He wanted to be there for Larry, but there was a warning, something in the back of his mind, going off. He was probably just being over cautious, paranoid, but…Bono looked up at Larry, at how sad and alone he looked. He sighed again, a sigh of sympathy and confusion, and kissed Larry gently.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Bono murmured.

                Larry stood up, pulling Bono with him by the collar of the shirt and bringing Bono with him onto the bed. Bono would try to talk him out of it one more time, but Larry had decided. He’d already lost Ann. He wasn’t about to let Bono go.

 

___

 

                Edge walked out of the bathroom, rubbing his wet hands with a towel. He stopped suddenly, staring at Adam sitting on his bed.

“Where’d you come from?”

“I wanted to talk to Larry, but when I came to his door I could hear him yelling at Ann over the phone,” Adam said distantly and Edge frowned, “I hope he’s okay.”

“Bono’s in there now, I think,” Adam shrugged, “So he’ll be okay.”

Edge’s frown darkened, but he didn’t say anything in regards to that, “So why’d you come in here?”

“…I don’t know,” Adam said, looking at Edge, “I used to always go to you when I was upset about something.”

“I noticed you’ve been bugged about something,” Edge said, sitting down next to him, “I also noticed you seem to be going to Larry a lot lately.”

“I couldn’t really come to you with my problem,” Adam laughed slightly.

“Why not?”

“…I talked to Bono earlier today and he really gave me a good talking, made me realize I have to do something about what’s been going on inside me lately,” Adam said, looking down at his hands, “I think I also realized I’d probably been weighing Larry down with my problems. Larry has a lot of shit he’s already going through right now and…and you know how Larry worries about others.”

Edge nodded slowly, “…What’s wrong, then?”

“See, it’s not that easy,” Adam shook his head.

“Why? Does it have to do with me?”

“Yeah.”

“Just tell me. Whatever it is.”

“I’ve been wanting to for a long time, but…I found out the truth about everything that’s been going on with us four lately, especially you and Larry, and-”

Edge froze, “…Who told you?”

“No one…I accidentally came across Larry and Bono talking. Found out on my own,” Adam replied, not looking at Edge.

Edge scowled, “He wasn’t supposed to tell Bono…I can’t even trust him. I thought if anyone, I could trust him…”

“No, you can. One, Bono dragged it out of him. Two, do you have any idea what you’ve been doing to Larry? He’s had to carry that around, not being able to reach out to anyone for help…he feels REALLY bad, Edge. I could tell. He was literally sobbing when he told Bono. Bono had a hell of a time calming him down.”

Edge cringed as if in pain, “…I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Funny…that’s the same thing Larry said,” Adam said coldly.

Edge looked at him, “This all has to do with you?”

“Yeah. Edge, did you ever love someone a lot and they never had a clue?”

“I don’t think so,” Edge made a face, “Please don’t tell me you love Larry too…”

“No, Larry’s been a great friend, but…I don’t like him like that,” Adam said, oddly calm.

“It’s a girl, right?”

Adam looked at Edge a long moment before giving a small shake of his head.

“Oh…Adam, I’m not about to guess every guy we know, just TELL me.”

Adam breathed in deeply and gave a nod, “You.”

“WHAT?”

“You heard me.”

“I…wh – I mean – well…what? I mean…me?”

“I’m sorry,” Adam muttered, getting up and quickly leaving the room.

“Adam, wait! Adam!” Edge called, running after him.

                He stopped at his doorway, Adam already gone. He sighed, rubbing his forehead as he slammed the door closed.

 

___

 

                Bono gave out a tired sigh and smiled slightly as Larry edged closer to him under the sheets, sliding an arm around Bono’s waist. Bono glanced down at the top of Larry’s head, nuzzled in his neck, and ran a finger down Larry’s arm. Larry pressed himself closer against Bono, still not saying anything. Bono looked down at Larry again and frowned.

“…Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, not at all…you were wonderful,” Larry muttered, pressing his cheek against Bono’s collarbone.

Bono could feel the fresh tears on his skin, “Larry, why are you crying?”

“I don’t know,” Larry said, muffled, “I’m trying not to.”

Bono grimaced, “I knew we shouldn’t have done this now.”

“No, Bono,” Larry brought his face up, only an inch from Bono’s, “No, thank you for being here for me. You make the world go away…”

“You can’t keep running from your problems,” Bono chided softly, “Sex may help you forget for a while, but then what?”

“It’s not just the sex,” Larry said, “It’s being around you.”

Bono seemed to think otherwise by the look on his face and Larry stared him straight in the eye, “I mean it. You make me truly happy.”

Bono smiled, rubbing away the last wet streak off Larry’s face, “You make me happy too.”

Larry kissed him, “I’m sorry I’ve been so fucked up lately.”

“You haven’t been the only one,” Bono said earnestly.

“Look at this,” Larry sighed, “Everything around me is falling apart and you’re still here for me, once again. I really don’t deserve you.”

Bono wrapped an arm around Larry, holding him close, “Larry, that’s bullshit and you know it. You’ve been everyone’s shoulder to cry on lately, you know? I think it’s long since your turn to do a little crying on someone else’s shoulder yourself.

“I’ve felt really helpless lately,” Larry said, a tinge of shame in his voice.

“That’s okay, everyone feels that way sometimes…” Bono smirked at him, “That’s how I feel every time I look into those blue eyes of yours.”

“How do you think I feel?” Larry chuckled slightly, “You have the most intense eyes I think I’ve ever seen. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that before?”

“Ali has. I think Adam said something about my eyes before,” Bono shrugged a bit, “It sounds nicer coming out of your mouth.”

Larry smiled, “Don’t tell Adam that, you’ll hurt his feelings.”

“It’s not that Adam isn’t a sweet guy…we both know he’s one of the nicest people we’ve ever met…” Bono grinned cheesily at Larry, “I guess it just takes the gorgeous manly type to turn me on.”

Larry rolled his eyes, leaning back against Bono’s shoulder, “You’re SO funny, Bono…”

“You know you love me.”

Larry paused and laughed, “True, but we’re not talking about ME here…”

“Ohhh, I see…” Bono laughed, kissing Larry’s neck.

Larry closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Bono licked him and he laughed, pushing Bono away, “Bono, stop…that tickles…”

“Good,” Bono said hoarsely, continuing to lick along Larry’s jaw line.

“Bono…” Larry moaned softly as Bono teasingly ran a finger down his chest and stomach.

“God, I love-”

                Bono was cut off as a frantic knock came at the door. They exchanged exhausted looks and Bono went right back to kissing Larry. Larry laughed a little and pulled away.

“Go answer it.”

“No,” Bono said flatly, shaking his head as he kissed Larry’s shoulder.

“C’mon, Bono, it might be Edge or Adam…besides, I have to go the bathroom.”

                At that, Bono sat up, releasing Larry and sighing, climbing out of the bed and struggling to pull some boxers on as he walked to the door. Larry got out of the bed and walked toward the bathroom, picking up his briefs and jeans on his way.

Bono opened the door, “…Hi, Adam…what’s wrong? You look upset.”

“Can I come in?” Adam asked quickly.

“…Adam, me and Larry are a little…BUSY right now, if you get my drift,” Bono raised an eyebrow at Adam suggestively and Adam frowned, “ Oh, man…I’m so sorry, but…I REALLY need to talk to at least one of you. I…I told Edge.”

Bono’s eyes widened a bit and he swung the door open, pulling Adam in and closing the door. “Yeah? What happened when you told him?”

“I…he seemed pretty shocked,” Adam said as he sat down on the couch, lighting a cigarette nervously.

Larry walked out of the bathroom, sniffing the air, “Cigarettes…Adam’s here.” He looked over at the couch and grinned weakly, “But of course.”

“Sorry…” Adam muttered for no reason.

“Yeah, so what’s up?” Larry asked, sitting down next to him, “Somethin’ must have happened, or Bono wouldn’t have let you in…we were a bit busy when you came.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry to…interrupt you guys.”

Larry shrugged, “It’s okay…what’s up?”

“I told Edge,” Adam blurted out.

Larry blinked, “…You did?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“…What happened, Adam?”

“He just…he was really shocked and…I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Bono asked, sitting down in front of him on the coffee table.

“I ran out before he could get any real words out.”

“Why the hell did you do that?” Bono frowned.

“I was nervous as hell, Bono!” Adam snapped, “You should know what that’s like.”

“BONO.” Larry scowled at him, putting an arm around Adam’s shoulders, “…Don’t you think you should go back and talk to him, mate?”

“I couldn’t…”

“It’s probably best you did, though, Adam,” Bono put in, “I did with Larry…it eventually helped clear everything up. You really need to hear what he has to say…you don’t know…perhaps he feels the same.”

“I know he doesn’t.”

“Aw, c’mon. How would you know that for sure?” Larry said in a motherly tone.

“Because he’s in love with you. He kissed you.”

Larry stiffened and glared at Bono, “You TOLD him?”

“No, I swear I didn’t!” Bono exclaimed, “Adam, where did you hear that?”

“I overheard you two talking earlier today.”

“…You were listening in on our conversation?” Larry asked, dismayed.

“Not purposely. I was going to your room to ask you like Bono said I should and…I heard you guys.”

“Ask me what?”

“Ask you if now was good time to talk to Edge about it. It didn’t really matter; I had to do it. I couldn’t hold it in any longer,” Adam leaned back on the couch, “I can’t remember being so scared before in my life.”

“…You gotta find out what he’s feeling. That wasn’t really fair,” Bono pointed out, “You didn’t give him a chance to justify himself or tell you his feelings.”

“I suppose it was selfish to walk off like that, but I was so bloody nervous,” Adam sighed, mashing his cigarette in the ashtray next to Bono and running a hand over his short hair.

Larry paused a moment, then nodded, “No, maybe it wasn’t the worst thing.”

“Larry, don’t tell him that,” Bono scowled.

“No, really. I should probably have a talk with Edge before Adam does.”

“…Maybe you’re right,” Adam agreed, “I think I’m gonna go to bed…I want to crawl under something.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, you don’t even know what’s going to happen yet,” Larry insisted, “I bet Edge does have feelings for you…he’d be stupid not to, right Bono?”

“Of course…Adam, you know you’re the playboy of the group…Edge won’t be able to resist your charm.”

Adam rolled his eyes, “You guys are making me sick.”

“Okay, but still…I wouldn’t be surprised if Edge hasn’t already realized he has feelings for you. You didn’t really give him a chance to think about it,” Larry said as he followed Adam to the door.

“I know, I know…”Adam said, “Sorry I interrupted you guys.”

“Adam, you’re more important than our sex life.”

“Hey! Speak for yourself!” Bono scoffed with a grin as Adam laughed, shutting the door behind him.

“I hope he’ll be okay,” Larry said, staring at the door and biting his lip.

Bono ran his hand down Larry’s bare arm, “Now what’s this about Adam being more important than our sex life?”

“Do you ever think about anything beside sex?” Larry asked in an annoyed tone, though he still smiled.

“It’s your fault…walking around without your shirt on,” Bono grinned mischievously.

Larry shook his head, “You’re in your bloody underwear!”

“And aren’t I sexy?” Bono teased.

“Oh, yes, very…but Adam…”

“Will be fine. Geez, you worry too much. And if he isn’t…we’ll be here for him, he knows that. We didn’t kick him out, he left.”

Larry sighed, “You’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

Larry gave Bono a sideways smile, “Those are cute boxers.”
Bono looked down at his green boxers and shrugged, “They serve their purpose.”

“And what’s that?”

“To have YOU take them off,” Bono smirked.

Larry rolled his eyes, pushing Bono back against the wall, “You really are sick.”

“Yeah? If so then…what are you doing?”

“Letting the boxers serve their purpose?” Larry suggested innocently.

“Oh, I see,” Bono nodded, the sly grin on his face not budging as he slid his arms around Larry’s neck.

                Larry suddenly pressed Bono harshly against the wall, placing one hand on Bono’s hip and the other hand on Bono’s groin, pressing down roughly. Bono gasped in surprise and Larry smiled evilly.

“These boxers are a bit thin, aren’t they Bono?”

“I hate you,” Bono whispered.

“Good,” Larry said straight-faced, kissing Bono on the mouth.

 

___

 

 

 

                Edge walked down the aisle of the plane’s passenger area with a tired look in his eyes. He looked over at Larry and nodded with a weary smile, sitting two rows behind him. Bono appeared next, grinning cheerfully as he walked toward Larry and, to Larry’s surprise, right past him to sit next to Edge. Edge looked surprised too and Larry once again had to suppress a flare of jealousy in him.

                Adam came into the passenger area last, looking like he’d gotten even less sleep than Edge. He gave one frightened glance in Edge’s direction and sat down next to Larry. Larry watched him adjust himself in the seat and then patted his shoulder reassuringly as he opened the magazine in his lap to read.

                They were silent a while until Larry began to laugh at whatever he was reading. Adam looked over his shoulder curiously.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing…” Larry giggled, looking down at the magazine, “Just another Henry Rollins article with a few colorful words for U2 in it.”

“Oh, God,” Adam rolled his eyes, going back to staring out the plane window.

Larry glanced over at him and closed the magazine, “How are you doing?”

“…I’m okay I guess. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to avoid Edge.”

Larry gave Adam a small smile, “Now you know how I’ve felt the past couple days.”

“I mean, he’s EVERYWHERE I go. I didn’t realize we spend so much time together,” Adam sighed, exhausted, “And I didn’t get any sleep at all last night.”

“You look it.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“…I’ll talk to him tonight. About us and about you and him,” Larry said softly.

Adam shrugged, “Okay, thanks.”

“…We’re gonna get everything cleared up, okay?”

“Yeah…hey, how come Bono didn’t sit next to you?”

A look of envy crossed Larry’s face for the briefest of moments and he shrugged his shoulders stiffly, going back to his magazine, “How should I know? He’s probably trying to find out if Edge has been rude to him coz he’s jealous of us or because Bono did something else to tick him off.”

“Oh…that makes sense,” Adam nodded, taking the magazine from Larry.

“Hey, I brought that for me!” Larry frowned.

“I need to get my mind off Edge, Larry.”

“I need to get my mind off Ann, what’s your point?”

Adam looked up, startled, “You and Ann still aren’t…?”

“This is the first really big fight we’ve had.”

“What?”

“Well, I mean, we fight, but this one’s a big one. I’m not handling it well, I guess.”

“That serious?”

“…She’s thinking of leaving me, Adam.”

Adam’s eyes widened, “WHAT? You can’t be serious! Why? Did you tell her about you and Bono?”

“Not yet…I can’t now. She’s already ready to leave as it is, you think I’m gonna tell her THAT?” Larry snapped.

“No, I guess not…”

“Anyway…I’m gonna sleep for a while. Wake me up when we get there,” Larry said, closing his eyes.

“Okay…” Adam replied, not really listening to Larry anymore as he read, “…Wow…Henry needs anger management…”

                Larry gave a short laugh in Adam’s direction before drifting off into sleep.

 

___

 

                Adam poked Larry in the shoulder gently. Larry’s eyes opened slowly and he squinted through the darkness of the plane.

“What?”

“Move your feet, I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Oh…sorry,” Larry slurred groggily, shuffling his feet out of Adam’s way and falling back into unconsciousness.

                Adam squeezed past him and walked down the aisle, passing a sleeping Paul McGuinness, Bono and, (thankfully) Edge. He continued down the little hallway to the bathrooms, stumbling on someone’s bag that was sloppily left out in the middle of the aisle, and walking into a bathroom, locking it behind him. He looked in the mirror, dismayed at how old he looked on a severe lack of sleep, and ran some cold water in the sink, splashing it on his face. He sighed loudly he wiped his face with a towel, noticing with an amused look the little “Elevation Air” logo on the towel.

                A knock came at the door and he frowned, hanging the towel back up and pressing his ear against the door. The knock came once more.

“There’s someone in here,” Adam called out.

                The knocking stopped and Adam shrugged, looking down at the toilet and realizing he didn’t really have to go. He’d just gone to the bathroom for a chance to walk around and get out of his seat for a bit. Business done, Adam opened the door and stepped out. The door closed behind him and looked up with a start to see Edge leaning against the wall in front of him, a thoughtful look on his face. Adam gave him a short nod and moved to go back to his seat, but Edge reached out, grabbing him by the arm to stop him. Adam froze, looking down at Edge’s hand on his arm and Edge let him go.

“Wait.”

Adam stared at him a moment and Edge let out a loud breath, “We need to talk about all this…everyone else is asleep, we can talk in privacy now.”

“…I think you should talk to Larry first.”

Edge bit lip and nodded slightly, “Okay, I probably should, but…I just wanted to tell you that you shouldn’t have walked out like that.”

Adam looked at Edge tensely, “…I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t give you a chance to tell me your feelings. But you have to understand…”

“You were nervous, scared. I know, Adam…that’s ALL I’ve been feeling lately. I understand.”

Adam gave him a weak smile and Edge took a step toward him, “It’s confusing for all four of us, you know?”

“I know…I wasn’t trying to be selfish…you know that’s not like me, what I did.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“…Talk with Larry and then we can have an honest discussion about what’s going on,” Adam said, once again going for his seat.

                Edge intercepted him, gently pulling him close by his arm and giving him a long, soft kiss on the lips. Adam  gave him a surprised smile and Edge brushed past him.

“Sweet dreams, Adam,” he whispered before taking his seat next to a dozing Bono.

                Adam nodded at him and moved along, getting back to his seat and falling down in it with a loud exhale of breath. Larry stirred next to him, but did not wake up.