Kite

by Mandi

It had been years since Larry had had a fight like that with anyone.

Larry rolled over in his bed once again, as he had been doing for the last two hours since he'd gone to bed. He hated confrontation and this one had been a big one. He couldn't sleep. He just kept seeing the fight everytime he tried to close his eyes. The screaming, the yelling...throwing things against the wall in pure anger...edging near a fist fight, the emotions flaring. It had been bad. Really bad.

Larry looked at the digital clock as the red numbers blared at him through the darkness of his hotel room. He kicked off his blankets and sighed to himself. "It's fucking four in the morning and I'm still awake."

Larry got out of bed and walked into his bathroom. He flipped on the light switch and looked at himself in the mirror. He had dark circles under his eyes and his usually youthful face looked somewhat haggard. Yes, he definitely looked tired, but most of all he just looked unhappy. PopMart was sucking the life out of him and his bandmates. And his bandmates were taking it out on him. Larry looked into the mirror, at his appearance, and the emotions boiled over. A deep sigh ended in a sharp sob and his eyes filled with tears. He stubbornly blinked the tears back. He crumbled to the bathroom floor, trying to collect himself. He was the strong one, the stubborn one. If he didn't WANT to cry he wasn't GOING to. Larry nodded to himself, rubbing his eyes free of any tears.

Larry walked out of the bathroom, leaving the light on so he could see, (as he knew he wasn't going to sleep anytime soon), and sat down on his bed cross-legged and sunk into deep in thought.

He was angry at himself for letting this bother him so much. For God's sake, he and Bono had fought a million times before. It only upset him because of everything else going on. They had just started the PopMart Tour and things were very shaky. The band was confused and he was already home sick. He missed his girlfriend and his son and his dog. Everything was just too much and he and Bono...this fight was as bad as the ones they'd had making Achtung Baby. In all truth, (and he couldn't lie to himself), this hadn't been like the million fights they'd always had. This one had been nasty and Bono hadn't held a single thing back. Larry couldn't think of ever seeing Bono so inarticulate and rambling. He had seemed so furious for nothing. And that scared Larry.

He and Bono had always been close, despite their differences. Rooting from a connection developed by the fact that they both lost their mothers at early ages, Bono and Larry had been very much like close brothers. True, they were complete opposites, but there seemed to be a balance. Whatever trait Bono lacked, Larry had and vice versa. They bickered a lot, but were very comfortable with each other and trusted one another with their lives. And Bono had rarely ever asked Larry to change. Larry could usually be himself around Bono without judgement. But it seemed since the start of the tour everything Larry did annoyed Bono and it also seemed that Adam and Edge were always ready to jump in on Larry and Bono's fights. Bono could be such an ass sometimes and the other two weren't helping the situation...in fact, making it much worse as far as Larry was concerned.

Larry's thoughts slowed suddenly as a realization hit him. His serious fights with Bono always made him an emotional wreck in a way arguments with anyone else had never done. Larry rolled his eyes at his bad timing.
"Fine time to figure out that Bono's my best friend, dammit," He smiled weakly, "Took me long enough..."

But he was like that. Always had been. He had a hard time admitting to himself how much certain people meant to him. It always felt like a sign of weakness because if someone meant something to him, that meant he probably leaned on them a little to make it through.

"Damn," Larry swore to himself.

His thinking was halted by a timid knock at his door. Larry rubbed his eyes wearily, knowing it was most definitely Bono. Either he was going to apologize, look for an apology or start another fight. Larry wasn't sure if he was in an emotional state for any of the three. He swallowed down any signs that he had been crying, no matter how breif. "Come in."

Bono came in, sporting his "sleepy sweats", (as he called them), and, suitably, a black U2 tee shirt. He shut the door behind him, looking quizically at the bathroom light and then at a silent Larry.

Bono stood awkwardly in the middle of the room a moment before saying anything.
"So...what are you, eh...doing?"
Larry shrugged, looking down at his hands. "Nothing...I just couldn't sleep."
Bono nodded, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Me too...too much coffee, I guess...all that caffeine, you know..."
Larry looked up at Bono and scowled. "Yeah, coffee."
Bono continued to stand there, looking up at the ceiling.
Larry finally broke the silence.
"Bono, what do you want?"
Bono's attention snapped back to Larry and he looked none too pleased with Larry's tone of voice. "I'd like to talk about earlier today, I suppose...wouldn't you?"
"What's to talk about?" Larry muttered.

Bono nodded a moment, his lips pursed, and then walked around Larry's bed and sat down on the opposite end. Larry looked off into the bathroom, avoiding Bono's persistant stare, which he could feel burning into his backside. Bono put a hand on Larry's shoulder.
"Larry, we're not fifteen anymore. We're too grown up to be acting like this."

Larry didn't say anything and Bono grimaced, "Damn it, Larry, will you at least LOOK at me for God's fucking sake?"
Larry didn't answer. Bono let go of his shoulder and stood up. "Larry, you giving me the silent treatment isn't going to help anything. We really need to talk, man to man. Friend to friend."
Larry snorted, "Oh, that's a good one...friend to friend!"
"Larry, I want to fix all this," Bono said, "But you have to be willing to meet me halfway on this."
Larry hoped his voice was steady, "Bono, I tried to be there for you and you went off on me."
"Larry, I was just upset...I had a bad show-"
"And took it out on me!" Larry snapped, tears filling his eyes against his will. "That's the way, isn't it? That's what you guys do now, am I right? Take it out on old Larry coz he won't say anything to defend himself? Well, weren't you surprised when I finally stood up to you tonight?" Larry glared at Bono. "I'm NOT gonna let you walk all over me and that's got you pissed. Well, so sorry, Bono...I forgot you were GOD."

Bono paused, alarmed by Larry's sudden burst of emotion. He hadn't seen Larry cry in a very long time. Larry wasn't the type to burst into tears everytime something went wrong. He was usually pretty calm about such things and would immediately get on trying to fix the problem instead of dwelling on it. "Larry, I...I didn't mean to...to hurt you..."
"That's fine, but you did."
"Well, Larry I-"
"If you were anyone else, I would have beat the fuck out of you for all the shit you said to me."
"...Larry, it's just that-"
"Bono, you called me a fuck up! You said I was dragging down the band!"
Bono sighed, "I was ANGRY Larry!"
"But why take it out on me? Why am I the escape goat all a sudden? What made you think I'd put up with your shit?" Larry asked. "I've never let any of you push me around. NEVER. But I'm so screwed up right now I let you do it...but no more, Bono. Push someone else around, coz I'm through with it. This whole PopMart thing is a wreck in itself without you making it worse."
Bono made a face, "...PopMart isn't a WRECK, it's just...it needs a lot of work. And we've been rehearsing every chance we've gotten, so it's bound to get better..."
"Yeah, when we get to Europe. Let's face it Bono...some of these Americans don't get it and don't like it. It's not our fault. We just have to understand that dance music hasn't crossed over here yet. We did what we felt we had to do to continue growing as musicians...they wanted us to go back to mainstream rock and we didn't," Larry said. "So just because we're not doing so well over here, doesn't give you guys reason to beat me up for it. YOU were the one who wanted this mammoth scene and now that you realize you can't handle it, you're going on off on your bandmates, ESPECIALLY me? Not anymore."
Bono scowled, "Now what a minute! MY idea? PopMart is all MY fault? Look, Edge was just as into it as I was and if you and Adam didn't like it, you could have spoken up at any time!"
"I told you before and I'll tell you know. I don't care what's around me on stage. I just care that I'm playing with you guys up on that stage. The rest of it is just..." Larry trailed off and Bono nodded. "You wanna stop PopMart, in other words."
Larry stared at Bono with wide eyes, "ARE YOU KIDDING? We can't just stop PopMart now! Not only can we not AFFORD to stop PopMart, but that would be admitting defeat to all the people who said it's not gonna work!"
Bono sat back down next to him. "Well, then Sir Mullen...what do you suggest?"
"We're going to have to stick it out."
Bono grinned wearily, "Then WHAT are we arguing about?"

"We're not arguing about the sucess, failure or future of PopMart. We're arguing because we KNOW we can't stop PopMart and because of this we have to learn to deal with a little failure and YOU have to learn that when you have a bad concert you can't pick fights with others! ESPECIALLY your bandmates! And ESPECIALLY your drummer!" Larry blurted angrily.
"Well, no offense Larry, but you haven't exactly been a picnic in your own right to tour with!" Bono snapped back.
"I didn't say any of the kinds of things you said to me tonight! I've never had someone come so close to telling me I'm a horrible drummer!"
"Well, that wasn't what I was trying to say...I just thought that if you had picked up the slack and pushed me a little harder, I might have done better." Bono replied.
"Why should I have to pick up your slack? DO YOUR JOB!" Larry yelled, standing up.
Bono jumped up to retaliate, "See, Mullen, the way things work in THIS band is that when someone's having an off day, we're friends and we're a group, so we can HELP that person out instead of WATCHING THEM SUFFER AND FUCK UP IN FRONT OF 50,000 PEOPLE!"
Larry grabbed his head. He was getting a dull ache by his left temple...another headache. He said softly, pleadingly, "Yes, I KNOW...but why am I the only one to blame that no one 'saved' you when you were having a bad time of it?"
Bono paused a moment, then said, "...Because you were the one who picked me up in the past. I thought you were just something I could depend on...I didn't know you weren't always going to be there for me."
"Bono, I will always be there for you...it's just hard to save someone else when you can't pick yourself up out there. My playing wasn't spectacular either," Larry pointed out.
"Yes, but...it just seemed like all of a sudden because things are really tough you're gone! I thought I'd be used to that kind of reaction by now, but..." Bono noticed Larry's confused look and he sighed. "Larry, I've ALWAYS been there for you...when your mum died, who watched over you? Who shared a room with you because he knew you were scared and he didn't want you to feel alone? Who has fucking watched your back when Adam or Edge decide to say things about you when you aren't there?"
"They what?" Larry asked with raised eyebrows.

"Who has done everything possible to make sure that you're happy with what U2's doing? Who was the one who drove you to the hospital to see your child being born when you were too crazy with the shakes to drive yourself? Who has bent over backwards for YEARS now to see that what Larry wants, Larry gets? Who has told Adam and Edge to shut the fuck up when they get on your back? HUH? WHO THE HELL WOULD DO ALL THAT FOR ANYBODY?" Bono screamed at the top of his lungs. Larry didn't say anything.
"Me, that's who," Bono muttered, his eyes watery. "I've been there for you every time you've needed someone and now that I really needed someone you pulled away. Have you even noticed how rude and nonsocial you've been to the three of us?"
Larry slowly shook his head and Bono's cheeks shone wet with tears as he continued.
"Every God damn time I need you, you RUN. When the whole Christian thing became an issue in the early eighties...I had to talk to Edge because you wouldn't. When we got bored and agitated with the LoveTown Tour...YOU expected ME to fix it. When we got into Achtung Baby...you sided with ADAM...and now you've just fucked off on the whole thing. What are you DOING Larry? Are you just fucking with us? Is it FUN for you?"
"No." Larry mumbled quickly, starting to cry himself.
"I've been there for you and you're walking away!" Bono shouted, sitting down on the bed and becoming silent.

Larry stared a moment before sitting back down next to Bono. "...Why didn't you tell me you felt I was fucking off our friendship back in 1981? Why did you wait till now?"
Bono looked up at him, "I didn't think you'd listen. And I tried to tell you when Achtung Baby was going, but no one would listen to anyone there."
Larry nodded slowly, "Well, I'm sure as hell listening now...I just don't believe that you don't see what I've done for you...this is mad."

"I've always been there for you," Bono repeated, staring Larry straight in the eye. "I NEED YOU NOW, Larry! NOT LATER when everything's fine again! NOW. And if you're not going to be there for me, then we don't need to be friends and we don't need to be in a band together."
"Bono," Larry said. "If you're not going to let me come to you with my feelings, like you've been shutting me off lately-"
"I have NOT-"
"LET ME FINISH." Larry intoned sternly, "...Everytime I've tried to reach out to you within the last month you have turned it on me and gotten pissed off like I'm trying to push critism on you, which I'm NOT. Bono, you've never judged me before. WHY NOW?"
"Larry, I'm not trying to shut you out...I just don't like to fail in front of you."
Larry made a face, "WHY?"

"Because...any really big mistake you've ever made in your life has had something to do with U2...in other words, it's a failure you shared with three others...and I've made lots of mistakes..." Bono trailed off.
"Bono, you're my friend, mistakes or not. I won't disown you because you fuck something up. Everybody has a bad show and almost everybody has quite a few when they've been doing it this long. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here. I want to help you, but when it seems like I try...you move away and protect yourself by throwing insults at me."
"I didn't mean t-"

Bono is cut off as a frantic knock comes at the door. Larry rubs his red eyes and hands Bono the tissue box as he gets up to answer the door.

"We're busy right no-" Larry said then stopped as he opened the door wider. "Good God, Edge, what's wrong?"
"What's going on in here? I've been hearing you guys scream for the last half an hour! You're not throwing things at each other again, are you?" Edge said worriedly, looking over Larry's shoulder to Bono. "What's wrong with you?"
"Family row..." Bono mumbled as Edge walked into the room.
"About earlier?" Edge sighs, "Look guys, we're just having a tough time getting a grip on PopMart. It's stress and you guys just...just had a little fight."
"Oh, C'MON Edge!" Bono yelled, whipping tears away with a tissue. "We nearly ripped his head off."
"We what?" Edge scowled, "Hey, Larry asked for it-"
Bono jumped up off the bed and began to push Edge out the door. "OUT!"
"Hey! W-what are you DOING? Hey-oww...Bono, cut that out..." Edge protested, grabbing onto the door frame.
"I ASKED for it, huh Edge?" Larry yelled. "God, what is with you people? Why is EVERYTHING my fault???"
"See?" Bono grunted as he pried Edge's fingers from the door. "You open your mouth and look what happens! We were arseholes today Edge..."
"Would you stop-ouch! HE smarted o-" Bono covered Edge's mouth obstructing anything he might have said. "GET OUT EDGE!"

Bono gave Edge one last shove. Edge sprawled into the hall and Bono shut the door and locked it before Edge could get back in.
"...Now where were we?" Bono asked, leaning against the door as Edge pounded and screamed through it.
"I can't believe this! Everything is MY Goddamn fault!" Larry raged, going into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

"Larry!" Bono pounded on the door. "Please don't do this! Edge didn't mean it! He just doesn't know why we were fighting! Larry? Larry, please..."

The door opened slightly and Bono pushed it open the rest of the way. Larry was sitting on the edge of the tub, his head in his hands.

"Larry, Edge is uninformed...he hasn't been with us this last hour..."
"I know," Larry mumbled from his hand.
"This isn't your fault." Bono said, trying to talk over the sound of Edge and what now also sounded like Adam banging on the door. "It's nobody's fault. Things are just fucked right now. I can't blame you for the result of PopMart, though I've been trying. I'm sorry for that."
"...I'm sorry I pulled away from you...I'm just scared," Larry replied.
"Scared of WHAT, Larry?"
"I'm scared of lots of things Bono! Living, dying, being a father...but most of all I'm scared of losing my band...my three best friends..." He looked up, rubbing his waterlogged eyes. "I'm scared of losing you. You mean a lot to me, you know."
Bono nodded slowly, then crouched over to be eye level with Larry. "Larry, no matter what happens to this band after PopMart...this is NOT the end for you and me. For all four of us...there's no goodbyes in this relationship, alright?"
Larry nodded.

"Alright..." Bono walked out of the bathroom and Larry followed him. "I'm going to bed now, Larry...you've worn me out like you always do." Larry smiled weakly and Bono hugged him. "We'll always be friends. You can't get rid of me that easily."
"For once I don't want to," Larry said then paused, "Hey...they stopped pounding...I just noticed."
"Yeah, they must have gotten sick of it, "Bono nodded opening the door.

The door swung open heavily, revealing a sleeping Edge and a knocked out Adam leaning against the door.
Bono and Larry both laughed and Bono shook Edge and Adam awake.
"Edge...Adam...get up...you've fallen asleep in the hallway again."
"Have we?" Adam mumbled, crawling to his room across the hall and disappearing into it.
Edge didn't budge, snoring softly. Bono grinned at Larry and lifted Edge up, ready to carry him to his room.
"Bye, Pretty Boy. See you tomorrow."
"See ya...h-hey, Bono!"
Bono looked back, "Yeah?"
"Are you SURE you're not God?"
Bono smiled, "I could be wrong...but if I was wrong, then I wouldn't be God...hey, we get a week off in a couple days. You want to bring Ann and Aaron to our house over the weekend?"
Larry grinned tiredly. "Sure I will...Good night, Bono."
"'Night Lovie!"
Larry shut the door and turned around to his bed. He smirked, realizing he'd get his first night of decent sleep since PopMart had started.

***

The mist from the Irish sea hit Bono in the face and Bono couldn't remember enjoying his backyard so much. He watched with a cocked head as his youngest daughter, Mephis Eve, (Evie as he called her), struggled with the force of the heavy breeze while it whipped her kite around. His wife Ali walked up to her, Larry's girlfriend Ann following closely behind, to help Evie get a handle of the wild kite. Larry poked Bono in the shoulder and pointed over to Bono's oldest daughter Jordan, (Jojo), helping Larry's two year old son Aaron hold another, smaller kite. "I hope they never grow up to be like us," Bono said, only half joking.
"...Oh, really? I hope they do...they're in for a treat," Larry replied, perfectly serious, then added, "Anyway, Ann's pregnant, so..."
Bono double taked and grinned, "You've been busy!"
Larry laughed, "Yeah...I love kids. I never thought I would...but I love them."

They watched the children for another five minutes without a word. Suddenly, Bono put a hand on Larry's shoulder. Larry looked at him and their eyes connected.
"Larry?"
"Yeah, Paul?"
Bono smiled. Larry hadn't called him that in almost two decades.

"This is gonna make a great song."

*~*~*~*

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