Thanks
to Mandy for help writing the original fic, Ruggy for
writing the dialogue between Bono and his good/evil
shoulder buddies, and Chesh for giving me idears to drag
me out of writer's block.
8)!!!!!!
Edge looked up,
thoroughly bored of the lack of customers in the band's
PopMart. He glanced below the counter at a figure
furiously moving boxes and cans around.
"Larry...what the bloody hell are you doing?"
"Trying to find the ketchup. We need to restock in
aisle 5."
Edge yawned. "Right." He went back to leaning
languidly by the cash register, doodling on a sheet of
scratch paper.
"With Or Without You" came on the overhead
speakers as Adam came through the double doors at the
back of the PopMart with an armload of lemon Jello boxes.
"She wore lemonnnn..." the bassist sang. Bono
came ambling in behind him, dressed like The Fly and
reading a magazine. He stopped when he rounded the corner
of the counter and saw Larry squatting on the floor,
feverishly searching the bottom shelf for ketchup.
"Where is itttttt??!" the tiny drummer cried,
exasperated. Edge glanced down at him and stopped drawing
lemons on the paper and went to do something else.
Bono stared at all the bottles of ketchup, sitting just
above Larry's head. Suddenly, a tiny person with horns
and dragon wings that looked suspiciously like Mister
MacPhisto poofed onto his shoulder.
"Hey, whatcha bet you can make Larry cry if you dump
all that ketchup on him!"
Bono grinned slightly evilly before a little Bono in a
little white dress (though he *claims* it's a robe) poofs
onto his other shoulder.
"But that's Not Very Nice! Besides, Larry cries when
you beat him at Chutes and Ladders anyway."
The other little person that so chose to take up space on
Bono's shoulder paused a moment and nodded. "That's
true, but think: Larry would be shiny! And pouty!
And...it would be fun!"
"So? Odds are that he'd have to clean it."
"But still, it'd be worth it!"
"What, managing to rig something to sploosh Larry
with ketchup and then having to clean up after it just to
see him pouty?"
"Yeah!"
The little man in the white dress (Robe, he continues to
insist) sighed and shook his head.
"It's less time having to play Chuuutes and
Laaaaaaddeeeeers!" the miniature MacPhisto grinned.
"Oh, okay then. Do it, Bono!"
Bono stared blankly. "Are you guys
leprechauns?"
The little man in the toga and the Mini MacPhisto looked
at each other, sighed, and then said in unison.
"Just do it." (insert Nike swoosh)
Bono set down his magazine and tiptoed up behind the
drummer, who was near tears now because he couldn't find
the ketchup at all. He began to reach ever-so-delicately
over Larry's blond head for one of the bottles of
squished tomatoes...reaching...reaching...reaching...
And then Larry jumped up, smacking into Bono and sending
him sprawling across the floor. Larry whirled around and
saw The Fly swatted across the lemon yellow tiles.
"Whoa, sorry, Bono...I didn't see you there...what
are you doing?"
Bono jumped up and the angel and Macphisto disappeared
with a cloud of smoke. "Ahh...errr, nothing..."
Larry eyed him warily for a moment before turning back to
the shelves. "AHA!! THE KETCHUP!!" He grabbed
several bottles and carted them off to aisle 5. Bono
smacked himself in the face.
"Damn it! I missed my chance!!"
Suddenly, who should appear but Mini Macphisto and the
little Angelic Bono. "Aawwgh, not you guys
again!"
"Bono! You rat bastard!! You missed your
chance!!" Angelic Bono chastized.
"Noooo, not yet. I'm sure there's something else you
can do to torment Larry..." Mini Macphisto
commented, eyeing his reflection in Bono's Fly goggles.
Edge returned to the counter and the two
spirit-demon-things disappeared again. "What's with
the moronic grin, Bono?"
Bono shook his head quickly, trying to rid his mind of
all of the evil idears he'd come up with to torment
Larry. "Err, nothing..." Then the leather-clad
singer dashed off to the back room for supplies. Edge
shrugged and picked up a magazine to read.
Adam sang along with the music blasting out the ceiling
speakers while he stacked box after box of lemon Jello.
"And I must be an acrobat...To talk like this and
act like that..."
Larry happily began arranging his bottles of ketchup,
oblivious to Bono running back and forth past the aisle,
carrying all sorts of odd things...string, a
bucket...some bottles of ketchup...a hot glue gun...a
stuffed toy sheep...a pack of Juicy Fruit...and a Spice
Girls CD.
Bono piled all of this shit in the corner of the store
and dragged the ladder over. He climbed up and looked
over the aisles to judge the distance between himself and
Larry. He then climbed down and tied the sheep to the end
of the string, climbed up, and tossed it so it flew over
the aisles and hooked onto the err...*thinks* the fire
sprinkler that hung over Larry's head.
"Bingo!"
The singer then chewed a piece of Juicy Fruit, stuck it
to the wall, and shoved the edge of the Spice Girls CD
into it firmly. Then he slipped the string through the
hole in the middle of the CD so it would function as...a
pulley or something. Bono then took the rest of his
supplies and the ladder and crept over to aisle 4 to
continue his work.
He gently set the ladder up against the shelf and climbed
up, relieved that Larry was entirely oblivious to him, as
the drummer was dancing up and down the aisle to
"Desire." As interesting as it was to watch
Larry 'dance,' Bono had work to do.
He reached up and grabbed the sheep and pulled it down,
untying it and tying the ends of the string together
around the handle of the bucket so it made a long loop
stretching from the shelf to the CD gummed down in the
corner and around the fire sprinkler. He left one end
long and tied the sheep to it and dropped it down so it
hung inconspicuously in front of the bags of
marshmallows. Then he filled the bucket up with ketchup,
looking over every so often to make sure that Larry
wasn't watching. Larry was now sashaying his hips and
singing off-key along with "Mysterious Ways."
Bono snickered and wished he had a camera. But as he
didn't, he continued on.
He set the bucket so that it balanced precariously on the
edge of the shelf, directly above the root beer. He then
scampered down, snapped his fingers and quacked, and the
ladder disappeared.
Straightening his glasses and smoothing his hair, The Fly
ambled down aisle 5, where Larry, now headbanging to
"Elevation," caught sight of him and quickly
stopped dancing.
"Hi, Bono!"
"Hey, Larry...d'ya think you could get me a bottle
of root beer up on that top shelf? I don't think I can
reach it..." the leather one ad-libs, knowing full
well that Larry is shorter than he is, but we'll overlook
that fact for now as it's more convenient that way.
Larry obliges and The Fly buzzes over to the toy sheep
and gives it a good hard yank.
SPLOOSYSPLAT!!!!!
"EEYAYAAAUUUGHHH!!!"
"HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHA!!! HAHA HEHHEHEHEEHEE!!!"
Edge and Adam hear the commotion even as "Trip
Through Your Wires" blasts through the sound system
at an abominable level. They rush over to find Bono,
rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter and Larry
with a bucket over his head, completely covered in thick
red ketchup. Sobs escape from within the bucket.
"Whoa..." Adam says, dropping the boxes of
lemon Jello he had been holding.
"Damn it, Bono!! You KNOW you're going to clean this
up!!!" Edge reprimanded sternly, storming over to
stand above the delirious singer.
"I know! I know!" Bono sputtered between
guffaws. "But it was WORTH it, I tell you! Worth
it!!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"
Larry wails sadly, throwing the bucket off of his head
and running into Adam's arms to sob. Adam, now also
well-coated in ketchup, pats the poor abused drummer on
the back.
"It's okay, Larry...we can hurt Bono later..."
"WHY IS HE ALWAYS SO MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN??!"
Larry yelped, weeping into Adam's shoulder.
Edge stared at the hysterical singer, an evil grin
spreading across his Edge-y face. "Why hurt Bono
later...when it's SO much more convenient to hurt him
now???" Bono immediately stopped laughing and sat up
as Edge, Adam, and the ketchup-soaked Larry grinned down
at him. Edge grabbed a bag of marshmallows, Adam snatched
up his Jello boxes, and Larry grabbed some canned creamed
corn. Bono's eyes grew wide behind his shades and he
scrambled to his feet, backing away in fear.
"GET 'IM!!!" Adam cried.
"AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!"
Bono screamed, turning and fleeing the scene as Edge,
Adam, and Larry tore after him, waving their food-weapons
menacingly as the speakers blasted on...
"Give me one last chance...we'll slide down the
surface of things..."
~Fin~
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