"Innie or
outtie?" Bono asked Larry.
Larry looked up from his magazine and scowled.
"What?"
"Are you an innie or an outtie?" Bono repeated.
Larry raised an eyebrow at him and Bono sighed,
"Your belly button, stupid!"
"Oh," Larry frowned, "Why?"
"Coz I'm keeping a tally of the band's belly buttons
for further research," Bono said as if that was well
known knowledge and as if that explained everything.
Larry shrugged, "You should know...there's only four
of us and I know you've seen me with my shirt off
before."
"I don't REMEMBER!" Bono snapped.
Larry rolled his eyes and lifted his shirt up,
"Innie...see?"
"Yup!" Bono said happily as he wrote it down on
a pad of paper.
Larry went back to his magazine, throughly distrubed by
Bono, and Bono rounded on Edge, who was sitting on the
other side of Bono's living room, fiddling with a guitar.
"EDGE!" Bono yelled without reason, "INNIE
or OUTTIE?"
Edge looked up and made a face, "Innie."
Bono shook his head, "My research must be completely
accurate! Lemme see."
Edge looked mortified, "NO!"
Larry looked up again and grinned at Bono, "You
know, I've never seen him without a shirt on."
"Me either now that I think about it," Bono
stood up and walked over to Edge, "C'mon, let us
see!"
"I said NO," Edge mumbled, going back to his
guitar.
"How come you're the only one who won't show off his
body?" Larry teased, "We know you're cute under
there, we can see the muscles through your shirt!"
"Maybe he feels scrawny next to a babe like
you," Bono reasoned, completely serious.
"That makes sense," Larry nodded.
Edge scowled, "Yeah, right!"
"Then let us see!" Bono insisted, reaching for
Edge's shirt.
"NOOOOO!" Edge screamed shrilly, trying to fend
Bono off, "RAPE!!!"
Larry continued to read his magazine with a smile,
shrugging innocently, "If you'd just let him see,
Edge, he'd leave you alone."
"SEXUAL HARASSMENT!" Edge yelled, retching Bono
off him and running away into the kitchen.
"Blast!" Bono swore, looking down at his pad of
paper, "Now my research is incomplete!"
Edge walked back out again, completely forgetting why he
had ran away in the first place, a mango in hand.
He munched on the mango and looked out the window into
Bono's backyard.
"Hey, Bono?"
"What, O Shy One?"
"Where's the lemon?"
"What?"
"The lemon...I just noticed it's not in the backyard
anymore."
"WHAT?" Bono squealed, looking out the window,
tears filling his eyes, "LEMOOOOOOOOOONNN!!!"
The telephone rang and Larry picked it up.
"'Ello? Yes, I...oh...oh, it is? Yes. Okay...I
understand. We'll fly right over to get it. Yes,
thanks."
Larry hung up the phone, "The lemon is driving
around downtown Chicago."
Edge groaned, rubbing his eyes, and Bono's face filled
with a sense of duty, "Onward, my chaps! We must
save our beloved disco citrus! ...And find out how the
hell the damn thing got over the Atlantic Ocean..."
Larry nodded, then looked around, "Where's
Adam?"
"He's in Chicago doing a..." Edge trailed off
as his eyes widened with realization and Bono looked at
him, "Adam! He has the citrus!"
"That moron!" Larry grumbled, "What on
Earth would make him think he could drive the lemon
around downtown Chicago and not get in trouble?"
The three shrugged, running upstairs to pack their bags
and head to Chicago.
***
"Now, the lemon isn't exactly Speed Racer material,
so we should be able to run into it," Larry said,
looking over Edge's shoulder at a map of Chicago.
"Yeah, let's just wing it," Bono nodded,
beginning to walk down a Chicago street.
The other two followed and after a while they had managed
to cover five blocks.
"I still don't see it," Edge muttered.
Suddenly Larry stopped dead in his tracks, Edge and Bono
following suit.
"Larry, what is it?" Bono asked worriedly.
"LISTEN," Larry shushed them.
The three paused to listen and Bono's face lit up as he
heard it. Singing...!
"She wore LEMOOOOOON...she had HEAVEEEEEEN...and she
held on so-"
"MY LEMON!" Bono jumped for joy, whirling
around to watch as the lemon turned the corner.
People walking along the street gasped and goaned as they
were blinded by the lemon's sparkles and Bono ran into
the street, right in front of the lemon, waving his arms,
tears of happiness streaming down his face.
"MY BABY!"
Larry watched this indifferently until he realized the
lemon wasn't stopping. It was going to hit Bono! Larry
lunged at Bono, pushing him out of the way right before
the lemon bowled him over.
"HEY!" Bono screamed at the lemon.
"Why did Adam try to hit you???" Edge asked
worriedly.
"I most certainly DID NOT!" Adam huffed from
behind them, the two girls on his arms giggling cutely.
Adam looked over at the lemon and his face drained of
color. He looked at the other three's furious faces and
grinned innocently, "...Hi, guys!"
"You forgot to put the lemon in park again!"
Larry growled, "We had to fly all the way from
Dublin coz you were letting it roam free! Who the hell is
DRIVING the bloody thing???"
Adam snapped his mouth closed and Bono rounded on him,
"ADAM! Who's DRIVING the lemon???"
Adam flinched, "...Evil Bono."
"WHAT!" Edge exclaimed and Bono fainted.
"What posessed you to let him drive ANYTHING
nevertheless the lemon???" Larry screamed.
Adam shrugged and Larry glared at him, then the lemon. He
had to stop Evil Bono before he ran someone over.
Larry ran at the lemon and lunged at it, clinging to the
blinding sparklies. He scaled the lemon, searching for
the button...THERE! He found a small yellow button on the
side and pressed it. A hole opened up in the lemon.
"C'mon!" He yelled to the others as Edge shook
Bono awake. Everyone followed his lead, (though Adam
struggled to climb up with a girl hanging off each arm).
Larry climbed in the hole and slid down the chute which
lead to the inside of the lemon.
[RUN NOW! It only gets worse from this point on...]
***
"Evil Bono!!!" Bono bellowed as he stood up,
brushing off his bottom.
Evil Bono poked his head out of a room and his face
darkened when he saw Bono, "Oh, no! Not you!"
"What the hell made you think you could take my
lem-Ooooo, is that crushed velvet?" Bono asked,
admiring Evil Bono's smoking jacket.
"Yeah, isn't it swanky?" Evil Bono grinned,
turning around so Bono could get a full look.
"Love it, dahling! You look beautiful in it!"
Bono exclaimed, clapping his hands together.
Edge rolled his eyes and was about to say something as
Morleigh shimmied by, wearing her bellydancer garb.
Edge's tongue fell out of his mouth and he followed her
around the room, dazed.
"Edge NO!" Larry protested, "That's Evil
Morleigh! She'll-Ohhhh..." Larry trailed off as Evil
Bono pulled out a Harley motorcycle from one of the other
rooms, "Ohhhhhhhh, look at that hot piece of
metal!" Larry moaned.
"I just got it," Evil Bono said to Bono,
"What do you think?"
"I think you need to let MEEEEEE see it," Larry
sang, prancing over to it and sitting down on it with a
groan of estascy.
Adam saw his chance to escape now that Larry was occupied
and slinked into a dark closet with his female
"friends".
Evil Bono scowled at Larry and then shrugged, walking
over to another door and opened it, "I want you to
meet my friend!"
Bono raised a surprised eyebrow as Miss Cleo came walking
out.
"Helloooooooooo, I am Miz Cleo!" She said in
her broad Jamaican accent.
Bono shook hands with her and looked over at Edge for
help. Edge, however, was very busy trying to get Morleigh
to quit shimmying so he could get a hold of her. Edge
touched her shoulder and she disappeared with a *POOF*.
Edge looked down at his feet sadly. Bono sighed to
himself, then remembered something and ran into another
room. Edge stared at Larry as he fondled the Harley and
shrugged, "What else could possibly happen?"
Suddenly Bono burst out of the other room, swinging large
peices of white cloth over his head, "Who wants to
sumo wrestle???!!!"
Edge groaned loudly and Larry jumped up off the Harley,
"I'm game!"
Adam then stumbled out of the closet, lipstick marks all
over him in the oddest places.
"I'm game but only against Miss Cleo!"
Miss Cleo nodded, dropping her Jamacian accent for a
Brooklyn one, "You're on short stuff!"
"Me and Larry first!" Bono announced, throwing
a cloth to Larry, "Go put this on."
Larry disappeared into another room, only to call out to
Edge.
"Edge! Can you come in here and help with this
thing?"
Edge grumbled as he walked into the room, shutting the
door behind him. Everyone else crowded around the door,
their ears pressed against it. Edge cursed loudly and
Larry whimpered from inside the room and Miss Cleo, Bono
and Adam snickered. Bono looked behind himself and gasped
to see Evil Bono streaking around the lemon naked.
"EVIL BONO! Put some pants on! When everyone sees
your rump it's the same as seeing mine!" He scolded.
"Oh, trust me honey," Miss Cleo said with an
evil grin as she stared, "I ain't looking at the
butt..."
Bono gasped at her, offended, and kicked Evil Bono's
naked butt into the other room. He then went into another
room himself to get on his sumo cloth, (*the lemon has a
lot of rooms...*). He walked out a minute later with the
sumo garb on, which fit him quite nicely.
Finally, Edge walked out of the other room, sweat on his
brow and a look of losing his innocence on his face. Miss
Cleo raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged, grinning.
Larry waltzed out a minute later and everyone was thrown
into a fit of laughter.
Larry was doing his best to hold up the cloth, which was
falling down and doing little to cover him. He looked
extremely distraught and Bono did his best to try not to
laugh in his face. Larry held up his hands in a shrugging
motion.
"What?"
Of course, nothing was now holding up his sumo cloth and
it slipped down around his ankles. Miss Cleo whistled
loudly and Larry pulled the cloth back up, his face beat
red.
"You sure Adam's is the biggest coz DAAAAAMN!"
Miss Cleo said to Bono and Bono nodded, "Believe it
or not, Adam has Larry licked."
"Licked WHERE, I'd like to know," Miss Cleo
muttered as she licked her lips at Larry.
"Well, that's a whole nother story," Edge began
before Bono cut him off, "EDGE! This is a PG-13 fic!
You can't tell that story...besides this is a Mandi
story! We leave THOSE kinds of fics up to Edgette to
write..."
"Oh, yeaaaaah," Edge replied.
The lemon jolted suddenly, sending everyone to the floor.
"What was that?" Bono yelled, standing up.
He ran toward the control room, everyone else following
close behind. There was Evil Bono, sitting at the
driver's seat, a guilty look on his face.
"Oops..."
"What did you do evil B?" Bono demanded.
"Uhm...you know that really BIG building?" Evil
Bono began.
Larry swatted Miss Cleo away as she tried to get a glance
under his sumo cloth and groaned, "You mean the
SEARS TOWER?"
"Oh, is that what we hit?" Evil Bono asked and
Bono growled angrily, jumping him.
"You stupid butt!"
Edge scowled and Bono raced outside to see the damage,
pulling Evil Bono with him by the ear and Larry following
behind them. Adam grinned and headed back into the closet
with his "friends" while no one noticed.
Edge stood there, completely frustrated at what a mess
everything had become. He looked over at Miss Cleo and
she gave him a curious look.
"Do you have an innie or an outtie?"
Edge stared at her, "...What? ...An innie..."
"I don't believe you," she intoned and took a
step forward.
***
Evil Bono stared at the big dent in the lemon, Bono
glowering at him, and Larry put a hand on Bono's
shoulder.
"It's gonna be okay Bono...we'll get it fixed."
"I know," Bono sighed, "It's just the
principle of the thing."
Suddenly they heard a shrill scream from inside the lemon
that sounded very much like Edge:
"RAAAAAAPE!!!!!!"
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