Larry sat down by himself
without a word to anyone. The bus engine started up and
Larry leaned his head against the cold glass of the
window. Edge sat down across the aisle from Larry,
digging something out of his bag. After a little
searching Edge came across the book he was in the middle
of and opened it up, hoping to get through with it before
they got to the next city. The bus pulled away and Edge
glanced over at Larry, a look of concern on his face.
"Larry?"
Larry didn't respond, but
Edge was neither surprised nor insulted. Larry was in one
of his depressed moods again and he usually tuned
everything but his own thoughts out when he was like
that. Edge was, of course, still worried. Larry had never
had these bouts of what seemed like depression
until...well, until his mother died. And touring just
made them worse. America was pretty much throwing all
four of them for a loop, though Adam and Bono were
handling it pretty well. Edge found it all very exciting,
but Larry, on the other hand, wasn't taking the whole
situation well at all. More often than not he looked
vunerable and distraught, confused by his surroundings.
Edge suspected he also felt lonely. He sometimes forgot
that Larry was the youngest with the way Larry looked out
for everyone and tended to seem so mature and serious.
But Larry hadn't ever taken change very well and he'd
also never been out of Ireland before. He was having a
rough time of everything since his mother passed, Edge
knew.
Bono and Adam snickered, (sitting infront of Larry), at
something in the magazine Adam was reading. Bono turned
to Edge with a grin.
"Edge you gotta read thi-" He frowned,
"What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing's wrong with ME," Edge said softly,
motioning with his head toward Larry, who was none the
wiser. Bono contorted in his seat to glance at Larry and
looked back at Edge, "Oh..." He lowered his
voice, "He's been like that a lot lately...since the
start of the American tour."
"Homesickness, you think?" Edge asked.
"Among other things," Bono sighed, "Poor
kid...only nineteen and has to put up with us and this
craziness. Our first time in America...so hectic..."
"I'm only nineteen too," Edge pointed out,
"And I'm fine."
"Yeah, but your mother didn't die when you were
sixteen. Mine did and so did his. And you weren't nearly
as sheltered as Larry was. He's probably scared. You have
a mum to go home to. He doesn't...I'm gonna talk to him.
I think he needs someone," Bono said, switiching to
the seat next to Larry, motioning Edge to take his old
seat and leave him and Larry alone for a while.
"Hey, mate," Bono nudged Larry's arm and Larry
looked up at him. Bono felt bad for him. He still looked
fifteen and probably felt fifteen around all this
madness. He looked totally wrecked and very lost.
"I didn't see you sit down," Larry mumbled.
"No, not with how you've been out of it lately, you
wouldn't..."
Larry didn't say anything in reply and Bono tried to
connect eyes with him, "Hey...you okay?"
Larry looked him in the eyes only a short moment before
pulling away. He sighed, running a hand through his dirty
blond hair, "I've been better, I guess."
"What's wrong? You miss home?"
"Yeah, sorta."
"...You miss your mother?"
Larry's eyes squeezed shut a moment at the stining pain
of a still open wound, "...Yeah." He finally
choked out.
"...Look, I know it's hard, and I know everything
seems crazy right now," Bono said sympathetically,
"But if you need anyone at all to talk to, I'm
always gonna be here for you. I've gone through what you
did and I know it hurts and that that hurt doesn't go
away from quite some time."
"It feels like just yesterday..." Larry
muttered with a sigh.
"...Do you want to talk about it?"
"...Yeah, but...but not right now. Not here...not
with the other two."
"They're here for you too, Larry."
"I know, but they can't fully understand. They're
mothers are still here..."
"Alright...later then," Bono agreed quietly.
Paul, their manager, leaned into the aisle about four
rows ahead of Larry and Bono, russeling through his
jumble of papers. He swore softly as half his papers fell
to the floor and Edge leaned into the aisle to help pick
them up. Paul finally found the papers he was looking for
and smiled at Bono and Edge, who could see him.
"Okay, two rooms at the next hotel and you're
playing tonight. Club has five hundred capacity. Who's
sharing rooms with who?"
"I'll share with Larry this time," Bono said
quickly to Edge and Paul, then turned back to Larry,
"If you don't mind...it'll give us a chance to
talk."
"No, I don't mind," Larry shrugged with a weak
smile. Pride kept Larry from telling Bono, but he was
relieved that Bono was going to share with him. He always
felt safe with Bono around. He knew Bono had took it upon
himself to watch out for Larry ever since Larry lost his
mother. It was just one of the little things that kept
Larry going at times like these. Bono may have known just
as much as Larry about what was in their future, but he
at least ACTED like he knew what was going on and didn't
freak out like Larry did at changes. Larry needed someone
he could talk to who he trusted and someone who could
understand where he was coming from. Bono was definitely
that person. Bono grinned warmly at Larry and Larry
leaned his head back on the window, falling asleep with
the comforting thought that Bono was sitting next to him,
seemingly keeping all the bad things away.
"Well, that was
pretty good show," Bono said nonchalantly as he
walked out of the tiny bathroom. Larry nodded silently,
flipping through a bible. Bono sat down on his bed, next
to Larry's, and looked at
Larry for a bit. Larry didn't notice this until Bono
sighed heavily. He looked up, obviously uncomfortable by
Bono's stare,
"What?"
"Nothing..." Bono shrugged, ruffling his
choppily cut hair with one hand and laying down on his
bed. Larry made a face, going back to leafing through the
bible. Bono hide a smile from Larry, glancing back up at
him for a split second. After a few minutes, Larry sighed
and tucked the bible away, laying down and joining Bono
in looking up at the ceiling.
"What are we looking at?" Larry finally asked
and Bono chuckled, "The plaster on the ceiling, I
guess."
"Fun," Larry nodded, rolling over on his side,
tucking his legs against himself and closing his eyes.
"Larry?"
Larry rolled over to Bono's blue eyes staring at him
intently, "What, Bono?"
"You ready to talk yet?"
Larry pursed his lips, "I think I need to."
"Good," Bono said, getting up and parking
himself next to Larry on Larry's bed, "What did you
want to talk about?"
"I don't know," Larry mumbled, sitting up.
"...Why have you been so quiet lately? Quiet for YOU
anyway."
"This whole thing...it's a lot to take in...I...I'm
scared, I suppose."
"It's okay to be scared."
Larry had already known that, but Bono saying it made him
believe it, "Yeah?"
"Of course. I'm scared too."
"You are?"
"Yeah, sure...I'm only twenty, you know, soon to be
twenty one. We're still young. And in a foreign
country...THE foreign country to be in, no less,"
Bono smiled at him, "You know what I think,
though?"
"What?"
"I think U2's gonna make it. It's gonna take a lot
of work, but one day we'll hit it big. This is just the
beginning..."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah...and you know what else I think?"
"No, what?"
"I think you're gonna make it too."
"...I'm not so sure about that right now. This whole
thing has just been too much to handle..."
"Yeah, but you're strong, Larry, you're a fighter.
You won't give up..." Bono grinned, "Mostly coz
I won't let you. You have so much potential as a muscian
and an artist and a drummer and a person. It would be a
waste to give up now, don't you see? Sure, going home is
the easy way out, but what have you got at home? Not to
be blunt, but you've got no mother, you're sister's moved
out and your dad is a bit out of it since your mum passed
away," he reasoned, "You're better off here
with three guys who care a lot about you and have grown
to love you like a brother. And are willing to help you
make your dream come true and who even share the same far
fetched vision as you. I know why I'M here, Lawrence, but
why are YOU here?"
Larry paused, "...Because I love to play the
drums...with you guys."
"Can you live happily without following what could
possibly be a realized dream?" Bono asked.
"I..." Larry paused again. Could he? Probably
not. It would fester in him the rest of his life.
"I didn't think so," Bono smiled.
Larry woke up with a start
and shot up in bed, panting loudly and in a cold sweat.
In a matter of seconds he could feel Bono next to him, an
arm on his bare shoulders, trying to calm him down. Larry
cried out loudly, not really yelling anything as far as
he knew, until he felt Bono grab his shoulders in the
dark and shake him.
"LARRY! STOP!"
Larry froze, his breath caught in his throat,
"I...I..."
"Larry...what happened? A dream?"
"Nightmare," Larry croaked, his breath still
stuck somewhere between his mouth and his lungs.
Horrible,
so horrible...
"Larry, will you BREATH God dammit!"
He slapped Larry on the back and Larry coughed, letting
out a huge breath. His lungs tightened and for a breif
moment he felt he was going to die. Then the wind came
back to him and he shivered.
"...Sorry...sorry," He mumbled between deep
breaths.
"You screamed, Larry..." Bono said, frightened,
grabbing Larry's hand, "You screamed..."
"I'm sorry...I just...I don't know," He wished
he could see Bono...he needed to see someone
living...breathing...ALIVE, "I didn't mean to wake
you...I'm so sorry."
"Larry did you have a nightmare about your
mother?" Bono asked, his hand still clasping
Larry's.
"No," Larry shook his head violently and Bono
scowled in the darkness, "Larry..."
"I didn't, OKAY?"
Bono paused a moment, "...Then why did you scream
'Mother'?"
Larry's shoulders sunk, "Oh, God...did I scream
that?"
"Yes, you did...Larry, what is it?"
"I...I don't want to talk abou-"
"Don't give me that shit. You wake me up and scare
the fuck out of me - I thought you wear dying, for God's
sake - the LEAST you can do is trust me enough to tell me
what the fuck happened," Bono insisted, "I've
never heard anyone shout like that before, especially not
you."
"...Alright...I just...I don't know, kinda relived
the day...getting the phone call from the hospital. My
mum
in a car crash and...and dead. I just..." Larry
sighed loudly.
Bono could feel Larry's body shake from the tears he was
holding back, "Larry, let it go. Go ahead and let it
out."
"I don't WANT to!" Larry yelled, pulling away
from Bono and jumping off the bed, "I'm sick of
TALKING about it! Why do I have to CRY or SCREAM LIKE
THIS just so that people know I'm hurting? WHY?"
"Larry, I've KNOWN-"
"I know you have...I know you have..." Larry
leaned against the wall, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have just said that...I don't what's going on inside me
right now. I don't know what I feel...I'm so confused
here...I feel alone."
Bono walked over to him, with some difficulty in the
darkness, and placed a hand on Larry's arm, "Larry,
you can't bottle this shit up, it's tearing you apart on
the inside. It's OKAY to cry and be mad and say fuck you
to God every once in a while...in the end he forgives you
and in the end you realize everything happens for a
reason. Your mum died for a reason and so did mine. Maybe
just to make US stronger people...but we HAVE to take
what we can from this. We HAVE to. And you have to accept
that ONE, it's not your fault she's gone, and TWO...she's
not coming back."
Larry swallowed and said in a cracked whisper, "I
know she's not."
"Okay..." Bono pulled him back to his bed and
sat him down.
"I know she's not..." Larry mumbled again, not
caring anymore when a tear rolled down his cheek,
"God, she's not..."
Bono sat down close to him, putting an arm around Larry's
slim shoulders again, "I know, but it's gonna
be okay..."
"No, it's not," Larry whispered, leaning his
head on Bono's shoulder, "It's fucking not."
Bono lifted Larry's head up with his hand and lightly
kissed a tear of his cheek. He then kissed another away,
and another. He kissed Larry gently on the lips and Larry
returned the kiss. He needed this now. He needed Bono
here for him.
"It's gonna be okay," Bono muttered in his ear,
"Coz I'm here for you, alright?"
Larry brushing his lips against Bono's again,
"...Thank you."
Bono nodded silently, easing Larry into a laying position
on the bed. Larry slowly pulled Bono down to him by the
collar of his shirt. Bono slid his hands around Larry
waist and kissed him harder, with more feeling as Larry
compiled, whimpering softly. There was a love there, a
friendship no one would ever break. Larry needed someone
next to him, to hold him. Bono was willing to be that
person. They had come close to doing stuff like this
before, times when Bono had spent the night over at
Larry's house, but it had always seemed awkward and they
were both just too shy for it at the time. It seemed that
now everything was simply gelling.
Larry, always the good-looking one of the group, the
innocent one, the naive one, the one who was no bullshit,
the baby. That one was a far cry from the one Bono was
holding, the one that was being demanding and agressive
and pulling HIM into kisses and being gently intimate at
the same time when most considered him to be cold and
distant. The one who did, in fact, cry and feel and get
emotional. People had no clue about Larry, Bono knew.
Bono was even sometimes surprised by Larry. Like right
now. Larry was in a distressed state. Acting what most
would consider irrationally...Bono pulled away and stared
at Larry, "I'm not taking advantage of you in a
vunerable state, am I?"
Larry shook his head without a word, pulling Bono closer
and squirming at the feeling of Bono's hands against his
bare back. Bono laughed a little, pressing Larry down
with a hand on his chest, "Sit still." "I
CAN'T," Larry snapped impatiently, rolling over and
yanking Bono down next to him. Bono squeaked in Larry's
mouth as Larry slid a hand under his shirt and Larry
grinned mischeviously in the dark.
"Your hands are cold," Bono whispered, giggling
slightly.
"Sorry," Larry muttered, pulling Bono's shirt
off. Bono helped pull it over his head and paused,
"...What's gonna happen tomorrow?"
"That depends on what you want to happen..."
Larry said, rubbing the back of Bono's neck.
"Well, I don't necessarily mind this all that
much," Bono grinned, leaning forward and frenching
Larry. Larry nodded and then pulled away to catch his
breath."This isn't just us being curious like before
is it?" Bono asked uncharacteristically with
shyness.
"I don't think so," Larry shook his head.
Bono bit his lip, "...So...what is this?"
"What do YOU think it is?"
"...Love, I hope."
"Then that's what it is, Paul."
Bono smirked, brushing a strand of hair off Larry's
forehead, "I think it'd be a good idea if I shared a
room with you from now on, huh?"
Larry tugged playfully at the waistband of Bono's pants
and chuckled, "I'd like that."
|