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Boyby Mandi |
| Larry
sat down by himself without a word to anyone. The bus
engine started up and Larry leaned his head against the
cold glass of the window. Edge sat down across the aisle
from Larry, digging something out of his bag. After a
little searching, Edge came across the book he was in the
middle of and opened it up, hoping to get through with it
before they got to the next city. The bus pulled away and
Edge glanced over at Larry, a look of concern on his
face. "Larry?" Larry didn't respond, but Edge was neither surprised nor insulted. Larry was in one of his depressed moods again and he usually tuned everything but his own thoughts out when he was like that. Edge was, of course, still worried. Larry had never had these bouts of what seemed like depression until...well, until his mother died. And touring just made them worse. America was pretty much throwing all four of them for a loop, though Adam and Bono were handling it pretty well. Edge found it all very exciting, but Larry, on the other hand, wasn't taking the whole situation well at all. More often than not he looked vunerable and distraught, confused by his surroundings. Edge suspected he also felt lonely. He sometimes forgot that Larry was the youngest with the way Larry looked out for everyone and tended to seem so mature and serious. But Larry hadn't ever taken change very well and he'd also never been out of Ireland before. He was having a rough time of everything since his mother passed, Edge knew. Bono and Adam snickered, (sitting infront of Larry), at something in the magazine Adam was reading. Bono turned to Edge with a grin. "Edge, you gotta read thi-" He frowned, "What's wrong with you?" "Nothing's wrong with ME," Edge said softly, motioning with his head toward Larry, who was none the wiser. Bono contorted in his seat to glance at Larry and looked back at Edge, "Oh..." He lowered his voice, "He's been like that a lot lately...since the start of the American tour." "Homesickness, you think?" Edge asked. "Among other things," Bono sighed, "Poor kid...only nineteen and has to put up with us and this craziness. Our first time in America...so hectic..." "I'm only nineteen too," Edge pointed out, "And I'm fine." "Yeah, but your mother didn't die when you were sixteen. Mine did and so did his. And you weren't nearly as sheltered as Larry was. He's probably scared. You have a mum to go home to. He doesn't...I'm gonna talk to him. I think he needs someone," Bono said, switiching to the seat next to Larry, motioning Edge to take his old seat and leave him and Larry alone for a while. "Hey, mate," Bono nudged Larry's arm and Larry looked up at him. Bono felt bad for him. He still looked fifteen and probably felt fifteen around all this madness. He looked totally wrecked and very lost. "I didn't see you sit down," Larry mumbled. "No, not with how you've been out of it lately, you wouldn't..." Larry didn't say anything in reply and Bono tried to connect eyes with him, "Hey...you okay?" Larry looked him in the eyes only a short moment before pulling away. He sighed, running a hand through his dirty blond hair, "I've been better, I guess." "What's wrong? You miss home?" "Yeah, sorta." "...You miss your mother?" Larry's eyes squeezed shut a moment at the stining pain of a still open wound, "...Yeah." He finally choked out. "...Look, I know it's hard, and I know everything seems crazy right now," Bono said sympathetically, "But if you need anyone at all to talk to, I'm always gonna be here for you. I've gone through what you did and I know it hurts and that that hurt doesn't go away from quite some time." "It feels like just yesterday..." Larry muttered with a sigh. "...Do you want to talk about it?" "...Yeah, but...but not right now. Not here...not with the other two." "They're here for you too, Larry." "I know, but they can't fully understand. They're mothers are still here..." "Alright...later then," Bono agreed quietly. Paul, their manager, leaned into the aisle about four rows ahead of Larry and Bono, russeling through his jumble of papers. He swore softly as half his papers fell to the floor and Edge leaned into the aisle to help pick them up. Paul finally found the papers he was looking for and smiled at Bono and Edge, who could see him. "Okay, two rooms at the next hotel and you're playing tonight. Club has five hundred capacity. Who's sharing rooms with who?" "I'll share with Larry this time," Bono said quickly to Edge and Paul, then turned back to Larry, "If you don't mind...it'll give us a chance to talk." "No, I don't mind," Larry shrugged with a weak smile. Pride kept Larry from telling Bono, but he was relieved that Bono was going to share with him. He always felt safe with Bono around. He knew Bono had took it upon himself to watch out for Larry ever since Larry lost his mother. It was just one of the little things that kept Larry going at times like these. Bono may have known just as much as Larry about what was in their future, but he at least ACTED like he knew what was going on and didn't freak out like Larry did at changes. Larry needed someone he could talk to who he trusted and someone who could understand where he was coming from. Bono was definitely that person. Bono grinned warmly at Larry and Larry leaned his head back on the window, falling asleep with the comforting thought that Bono was sitting next to him, seemingly keeping all the bad things away. "Well, that was pretty good show," Bono said nonchalantly as he walked out of the tiny bathroom. Larry nodded silently, flipping through a bible. Bono sat down on his bed, next to Larry's, and looked at Larry for a bit. Larry didn't notice this until Bono sighed heavily. He looked up, obviously uncomfortable by Bono's stare, "What?" "Nothing..." Bono shrugged, ruffling his choppily cut hair with one hand and laying down on his bed. Larry made a face, going back to leafing through the bible. After a few minutes, he sighed and tucked it away, laying down and joining Bono in looking up at the ceiling. "What are we looking at?" Larry finally asked and Bono chuckled, "The plaster on the ceiling, I guess." "Fun," Larry nodded, rolling over on his side, tucking his legs against himself and closing his eyes. "Larry?" Larry rolled over to Bono's blue eyes staring at him intently, "What, Bono?" "You ready to talk yet?" Larry pursed his lips, "I think I need to." "Good," Bono said, getting up and parking himself next to Larry on Larry's bed, "What did you want to talk about?" "I don't know," Larry mumbled, sitting up. "...Why have you been so quiet lately? Quiet for YOU anyway." "This whole thing...it's a lot to take in...I...I'm scared, I suppose." "It's okay to be scared." Larry had already known that, but Bono saying it made him believe it, "Yeah?" "Of course. I'm scared too." "You are?" "Yeah, sure...I'm only twenty, you know, soon to be twenty one. We're still young. And in a foreign country...THE foreign country to be in, no less," Bono smiled at him, "You know what I think, though?" "What?" "I think U2's gonna make it. It's gonna take a lot of work, but one day we'll hit it big. This is just the beginning..." "Yeah?" "Yeah...and you know what else I think?" "No, what?" "I think you're gonna make it too." "...I'm not so sure about that right now. This whole thing has just been too much to handle..." "Yeah, but you're strong, Larry, you're a fighter. You won't give up..." Bono grinned, "Mostly coz I won't let you. You have so much potential as a muscian and an artist and a drummer and a person. It would be a waste to give up now, don't you see? Sure, going home is the easy way out, but what have you got at home? Not to be blunt, but you've got no mother, you're sister's moved out and your dad is a bit out of it since your mum passed away," he reasoned, "You're better off here with three guys who care a lot about you and have grown to love you like a brother. And are willing to help you make your dream come true and who even share the same far fetched vision as you. I know why I'M here, Lawrence, but why are YOU here?" Larry paused, "...Because I love to play the drums...with you guys." "Can you live happily without following what could possibly be a realized dream?" Bono asked. "I..." Larry paused again. Could he? Probably not. It would fester in him the rest of his life. "I didn't think so," Bono smiled. Larry woke up with a start and shot up in bed, panting loudly and in a cold sweat. In split seconds he could feel Bono next to him, an arm on his bare shoulders, trying to calm him down. Larry was crying out loudly, not really yelling anything as far as he knew, until he felt Bono grab his shoulders in the dark and shake him. "LARRY! STOP!" Larry froze, his breath caught in his throat, "I...I..." "Larry...what happened? A dream?" "Nightmare," Larry croaked, his breath still caught somewhere between his mouth and his lungs. Horrible, so horrible... "Larry, will you BREATH God dammit!" He slapped Larry on the back and Larry coughed, letting out a huge breath. His lungs tightened and for a breif moment he felt he was going to die. Then the wind came back to him and he shivered. "...Sorry...sorry," He mumbled between deep breaths. "You screamed, Larry..." Bono said, frightened, grabbing Larry's hand, "You screamed..." "I'm sorry...I just...I don't know," He wished he could see Bono...he needed to see someone living...breathing...ALIVE, "I didn't mean to wake you up...I'm so sorry." "Larry did you have a nightmare about your mother?" Bono asked, his hand still clasping Larry's. "No," Larry shook his head violently and Bono scowled in the darkness, "Larry..." "I didn't, OKAY?" Bono paused a moment, "...Then why did you scream 'Mother'?" Larry's shoulders sunk, "Oh, God...did I scream that?" "Yes, you did...Larry, what is it?" "I...I don't want to talk abou-" "Don't give me that shit. You wake me up and scare the fuck out of me - I thought you were dying, for God's sake - the LEAST you can do is trust me enough to tell me what the fuck happened," Bono insisted, "I've never heard anyone shout like that before, especially not you." "...Alright...I just...I don't know, kinda relived the day...getting the phone call from the hospital. My mum in a car crash and...and dead. I just..." Larry sighed loudly. Bono could feel Larry's body shake from the tears he was holding back, "Larry, let it go. Go ahead and let it out." "I don't WANT to!" Larry yelled, pulling away from Bono and jumping off the bed, "I'm sick of TALKING about it! Why do I have to CRY or SCREAM LIKE THIS just so that people know I'm hurting? WHY?" "Larry, I've KNOWN-" "I know you have...I know you have..." Larry leaned against the wall, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just said that...I don't what's going on inside me right now. I don't know what I feel...I'm so confused here...I feel alone." Bono walked over to him, with some difficulty in the darkness, and placed a hand on Larry's arm, "Larry, you can't bottle this shit up, it's tearing you apart on the inside. It's OKAY to cry and be mad and say fuck you to God every once in a while...in the end he forgives you and in the end you realize everything happens for a reason. Your mum died for a reason and so did mine. Maybe just to make US stronger people...but we HAVE to take what we can from this. We HAVE to. And you have to accept that ONE, it's not your fault she's gone, and TWO...she's not coming back." Larry swallowed and said in a cracked whisper, "I know she's not." "Okay..." Bono pulled him back to his bed and sat him down. "I know she's not..." Larry mumbled again, not caring anymore when a tear rolled down his cheek, "I'll never see her again...never..." "No, you will," Bono interrupted, "Just not here." Larry brushed his hair out of his face and nodded slowly, "Maybe." "Probably," Bono interjected, "...It's some scary shit, being out here alone, isn't it?" "Yeah...I think I would have been okay under normal circumstances," Larry laughed tensely and Bono rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, "You'll still be okay yet, Larry...don't worry." "I'm sorry I woke you up and yelled at you," Larry muttered, knowing Bono was probably giving him that understanding smile that always made Larry feel more at home, "I think I'm okay now." "You sure?" "...Yeah." "Alright," Bono got up and walked back over to his bed. Larry could hear Bono pull his covers over himself and Larry climbed under the blankets of his own bed, still slightly shaken. "Bono?" "Hmm?" Bono replied from the depths of his pillow. "...I...nevermind." "No, what?" Bono lifted his head up, "C'mon what?" Larry laughed; a nervous, childish laugh, "...I...I'm scared to go back to sleep." Bono laughed too, "That's okay, Larry. We all are sometimes...but you know what?" "What?" "I think it'd be a good idea if I shared a room with you from now on, huh?" Larry smiled toward where Bono lay in the darkness, "I'd like that." |